Dear Diary
by ai-08
Summary: Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. Just read his diary; you'll see. AU, Alfred/Ivan among others. RE-UPLOADED AND COMPLETE :
1. January 9th to 13th

**A/N: **4/13/10- I've edited all the old chapters so if you see a mistake _please_ let me know. It's my goal to have this little fic as error free as possible. Thanks much and enjoy!

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**Dear Diary ****  
**One

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**January 9th**

Matt is way late coming back. He went to the library like, two hours ago. How long does it take to write a paper? I think he's hiding something. Like a girlfriend. Which is so not fair. How does my introverted nerdy brother get a girlfriend before me? Arthur says it's because he's manlier and doesn't keep a diary. I told him to shut his face or I'd tell Francis he was the one who told everyone he has chlamydia. Even though it was sort of a service to the public. Not sure if he really has it or not though. Anyways, Arthur didn't seem all that phased so I just called him a douche bag.

_Later_

I was right. He does have a girlfriend.

He also has a hickey half the size of my fist on his neck. Which is cool and all, but when I asked him about it, he got all flustered and hid in his room. The fuck? I'll have to demand answers later, but it's burger night in the DH and I don't wanna have to wait in line.

_Later_

Matt didn't come down for dinner and neither did Arthur (assholes) so I ate with my team. Which is cool, but Braginski sat next to me and that kid gives me the heebie-jeebies, always smiling and saying creepy stuff. And I swear to god I saw him pour some vodka in his powerade. If he wasn't such a good basketball player (and so fucking creepy) I'd give him what for.

Ah, dammit. Morning practice tomorrow. Guess that's an ixnay on the halo all nighter. I'll just have to kick Kiku's ass later.

**January 10th**

I take it back. I am going to kill Braginski. Fucker hit me in the face with the ball during practice and broke it. My nose, I mean. Can't play for the next two weeks and coach is pissed at _me _and not him? He didn't even apologize. Actually, he didn't even seem to notice that I'd been hurt. Even though my blood was all over the court. I'm gonna have Arthur hex him, and then I'm gonna bust his kneecaps with my awesome. I can't play _and _I sound like I've got a fucking speech impediment.

This means war.

_Later_

Arthur said he wouldn't hex him unless I gave him twenty bucks. I told him as my best friend he should feel obligated to defend my honor. He said that he'd be more than happy to defend my honor if I helped pay for gas. Ha. As if.

_Later_

I think I failed my Economics test. Gonna have to see if Mattie will help me with extra credit. And by help I mean do.

_A minute later_

I just knocked on Matthew's door and got no answer so I texted him. And do you know what he said? He told me he was busy and to not wait up for him. This is beyond fishy. More later, I think Antonio got pizza.

_Later_

I swear to god, the soccer team is full of freaks. Antonio is madly in love with his psycho roomie/team mate, Lovino, and I just know his brother Feliciano is having an affair with the new security guard. Which is, you know, really weird, but he always turns a blind eye when we play beer pong, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Matt still isn't back and it's like, 1 AM.

He is in so much trouble.

**January 11th**

WHAT THE FUCK.

Seriously. What. The. Fuck. That was so weird I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

So me and Arthur went to English first thing this morning, like we always do, and then we went to the DH to grab some breakfast. Well there we were, just minding our own business and eating our stale cereal and rubber eggs, when Braginski comes up to us and asks us if he can eat with us. Arthur looked at me and shook his head no, and I looked at Braginski and shook my head no, and you know what the fucker did? He sat down with us anyways!

"Nice weather, da?" he asked, being all stupid with his stupid accent and his stupid small talk and I really wanted to punch him in the face and see how _he_ liked it, but picking a fight in the caf wouldn't have been the best idea so I didn't say anything, praying that if I pretended he wasn't there then he'd just go away.

Instead, he just kept on talkin. "It has come to my attention that you feel that your broken nose is somehow my fault," he said.

"_Somehow_ your fault?" I asked. "You aimed for my face!"

"You had a clear shot to the basket. If you had been paying attention you could have easily caught it."

That's what he said to me. He actually had the nerve to come sit down with me and Artie and tell me it was my own damn fault that I got hurt. And then insult me on top of it all. Well, I didn't have to take that. So I grabbed Arthur and walked out like a pimp. Yeah.

_Later_

I'm starving. I should have taken my breakfast with me. Arthur offered me some of his homemade death biscuits, but I'd rather be hungry than die.

I've got to sneak out in a minute. Francis said he'd help me study for my French quiz, but Arthur said I'm not allowed to "fraternize" with the enemy so to keep the peace I'm just gonna keep it on the DL.

Even though telling someone that they have big eyebrows really doesn't seem grounds to make an enemy out of them, but whatever.

_Later_

Weirdest thing. When I went to Francis's room Matt was there. I didn't even know Matt had friends. Huh.

**January 12th**

Aced my French quiz. Still in a shit mood though. Game tonight. And of course Braginski's playing. I don't wanna talk about it.

_Later_

We won. 95-70. I still don't want to talk about it.

_Later_

Why does Braginski know where I live? _How _does Braginski know where I live? And more importantly, _why is he sitting in our dorm? _If Arthur thinks I'm coming out of my room he's crazy. I am _not _talking to that Russian freak until I figure out how to get back at him for hurting my beautiful face and fucking with my season.

_Later_

Abjbsac fdefcv wtf. I can't even… What? Just… _what?_

_Later_

No seriously. Did that just happen? I asked Arthur. He said it did.

I can't… I can't deal with this right now.

**January 13th**

So. Last night.

Last night was weird as fuck.

I refused to come out of my room, but Braginski refused to leave until I came out of my room. So after about a half an hour I finally gave in and went to see what he wanted.

And do you know what he did?

He was sitting there, all comfortable on _our_ couch, flipping through the TV stations like he owned the place.

"Good game tonight, da?" he asked.

"I wouldn't know," I said, glaring at him from my doorway. There was no way in hell I was going to come any closer.

"I played very well tonight," he continued. (Conceited much?)

"If you say so."

And that's when he said it. He turned and looked at me, that creepy smile on his face, and said it:

"We are going to the movies tomorrow night."

What the fuck. Like hell we are. I'm switching his vodka with some cyanide.

_Later_

Arthur said it's impossible to get a hold of cyanide, so I'm just going to have to settle for telling him no.

_Later_

I told Matt what happened with Braginski. He actually asked me if I was going to go out with him. I asked him if he was crazy. He wanted to know if it was because Braginski was a guy. I said no, it was because he was a creepy vodka-loving, face-breaking weirdo.

AND a guy.

For some reason that made Matt really sad.

So then I asked him how he and his secret girlfriend were doing and he just mumbled something about a hockey game being on TV and then left.

Except there _is _no hockey game on right now. I checked.

_Later_

So I found this really weird list in Arthur's English notebook. It's called "Reason's why Francis is a fairy."

I mean, I know Arthur believes in weird shit like that, but he's not allowed to make fun of me for believing in UFOs anymore.

It's also perfect blackmail material.

_Later_

I just exploded so many zombie chickens and it was the best experience of my life. I love Saturdays.

_Later_

Braginski is standing outside my door. Eefing Kiku let him him. He keeps saying it's time for our date. I fucking hate Saturdays.

**

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**A/N: **Oh god I'm attempting something multi-chaptered. Wish me luck…


	2. January 13th to 19th

Chapter Two

**January 13th  
**  
Today sucked so bad I don't even want to think about it. And tomorrow we have doubles and I'm still expected to go to practice, even though all I can do is sit on the fucking bleachers. I'm gonna go blow up some zombies now and not think about how completely not-awesome today was.

January 14th

Coach made me do suicides. I could have tripped and done even more damage to my beautiful face, but he didn't care so long as I "didn't get fat." So now my everything hurts.

Oh yeah, about yesterday.

Braginski broke my door knob. I'm not even shitting you. I was just lounging around my room in my sweats, because, you know, I was not about to go out to see a fucking movie with that creep. But he knocked on my door and I told him to go away. He knocked again and I told him to go away again. Then he knocked a third time and I told him to go fuck himself and that he was going to have to break my door down if he wanted me to come out of my room.

Well he took me literally so now I have to go to Rez Life and explain to them why my door knob was snapped clear off. Anyways, I'm not gonna lie. When he did that, I sort of lost the urge to fight him and just went along with it. I was not about to say no to someone with the strength of freakin Chuck Norris. I mean, it's not like I couldn't totally kick his ass, but how the hell would I explain a busted door _and_ wall to my RA? Gotta pick and choose your battles, ya know? Plus he'd gotten tickets to go see Sherlock Holmes and I hear it's a pretty kick ass movie. Not to mention Rachel MacAdams is in it. And she is fine.

The movie itself was great. A lot of fighting and dead bodies and stuff. And Braginski paid for everything so I got a free drink, popcorn, and candy. All in all it was an OK night, until he decided to try to talk to me afterwards. "So you had a good time, da?" he asked as we walked back to campus. (Arthur refused to lend me his car, the prick, and I refused to get in Braginski's car ...cause he'd probably drive out to the woods and chop me up with an axe or something.) "The movie was good," I'd said. "But we will not be making a habit of this."

But as usual he completely ignored what I'd said and kept talking and said something weird and way too wordy like: "I am glad that my attempt to make you feel better about your broken nose and your complete lack of motor skills was a success. I too enjoyed our date."

He called it a date. And he insulted me. Again. …And did I mention he called it a date? IT WAS NOT A FUCKING DATE. Christ on a _cracker_ I can't even write about it without getting mad. I fucking hate him and as soon as my nose is healed I am going to break off both of his arms and force feed them to him.

It was not a date.

_Later_

Arthur says that if someone invites someone else out and they pay for everything then it's a date so I'm not speaking to him for the rest of the day.

_Later_

Arthur just bought me a Hardee's Thick Burger. I completely retract my previous statement.

_Later  
_  
FUCK. The extra credit for Economics is due tomorrow and I totally forgot to tell Mattie who, as usual, is MIA and also ignoring my calls and that's really starting to get on my nerves. He's been hanging out with Francis, though. Maybe he'll tell me what's going on.

**January 15th  
**  
Worst hangover ever. Missed Economics. Gonna throw up.

_Later_

There was a hockey game last night. A bunch of people were over at Francis's watching it, including Matthew. I was gonna ask him for help with my extra credit, but I got distracted by the food and beer. And then Lovino challenged me to a drinking game. I'm pretty sure he won, and I'm pretty sure I puked on Arthur when he came to get me. lol.

_Later_

I bought Arthur some tea as a peace offering, but he said I bought the kind you use to make iced tea, not hot tea. I didn't even know there was a difference.

**January 16th **

Today was the last day to drop or add a class. Guess who is now in my trig class? Fucking Braginski, who is apparently stalking me.

-  
Alfred F. Jone's Trignometry Notebook:

A 5 m long ladder leans against a vertical wall making an angle of 65˚ with the ground. If said ladder slips, at what velocity must it be falling in order to hit Braginski in the head, killing him on the spot?

_This equation is algebraically unsound, Alfred. You are missing vital information. In order to solve for velocity you must also know how far from my head it is, and also how long it took to fall. Any idiot would know that. But it is very sweet of you to be thinking of me. :)_

HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NOTEBOOK?

_You left it in the math building and I returned it to you. You are very welcome.  
_  
DON'T TOUCH MY STUFF. AGAIN.

**January 16th **

The weirdest thing happened tonight. After practice I was going to call Mattie to see if he wanted to get dinner with me, but he wound up calling me first. I said hello, but he didn't say anything. I stayed on the line for a few moments, thinking maybe the connection was just weird, but he still didn't say anything. Then I started hearing really weird noises and a very distinctive… I'm not even gonna go there. I think my brother butt dialed me. And I think he was having sex when it happened. Excuse me while I go try to wash my brain off.

_Later_

Kiku and I went to WalMart around ten. We had to buy some toilet paper, and for some weird reason he bought cat food as well. I asked him if he was feeding the stays around campus and he just smiled, saying that it was his turn to buy food for his and Heracles's friends. Those two are going to grow up to be those freaky old cat ladys when they're older, I swear.

Anyways, I saw Braginski there, too. Thank god he didn't notice me. He was in the flower aisle, just staring at the sunflowers. Who goes to WalMart at night by themselves just to stare at flowers? What. A. Freak.

**January 17th **

Arthur was in a really pissy mood after English class today cause he got a B on his paper, which is "unsatisfactory!" to him. Hell, I'd kill for a B. I don't know what the big deal is. But when we went to the DH to get breakfast, Braginski was already sitting at our table, which pissed Arthur off even more. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Arthur demanded. Braginski just smiled and pulled out the two chairs on either side of him. "I am eating breakfast with friends, da?"

"Nobody asked you to sit with us," Arthur said, sounding all mean and scathing. And that is why he is my best friend in the whole wide world.

_Later_

Francis said he was going out tonight, so I asked Matthew if he'd help me with French but he said that he was going out, too. I asked if he had a hot date with the girlfriend he refuses to introduce me to, and he told me to mind my own business. So of course I'm going to follow him.

_Later_

My conversation with Arthur went something like this:

"Wanna pretend to be spies?"

"Not right now, Alfred. I have to finish this book before class tomorrow."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with sugar on top?"

"God dammit Alfred I said no!"

"…Please?"

"Argh, fine, if it'll get you to shut the feck up!"

So now we're just waiting for Matt to leave and the suspense is freaking killing me. I tried to get Arthur to wear a matching black suit with me, like a real secret agent, but he refused. Wouldn't let me give us code names either. He's such a stick in the mud.

Oooh, Matt just left. It's go time!

_Later_

When Matt left Arthur and I made a mad dash for his car. We parked near the door to the dormitory so we could watch for Matt to leave the building. And guess who he was with? Freaking Francis. Am I ever going to see who Matt's dating?

Arthur didn't want to "stare at Francis's ugly mug any longer than he already had to," and I could care less what Matt did with his friends, so we called it quits. That was a complete disappointment.

**January 18th **

Braginski sat next to me in trig today. And when we were turning our homework in he looked at mine and proceeded to tell me that I had made several stupid and careless mistakes and that from now on he would tutor me. I told him thanks but no thanks, asshole. He told me that he would not take no for an answer and that he would come by my room after practice to help me. I told him that I had better things to do on a Friday night than study.

"Like what?" he asked.

"Get drunk," I said with a shrug.

Then he gave me that creepy smile again and said, "You and I have much in common. We will study, and as a reward I will let you get drunk, da?"

Does everything I say to this freak just go in one ear and out the other?

-  
Alfred F. Jone's Voicemail:

"_Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya._"

"Alfred, you must have forgotten that we agreed to study trigonometry tonight, da? Hurry back. Your roommate Kiku said that it was alright for me to wait in your dorm for you. Since you still have not gotten your door fixed, I let myself into your room."

"_Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya._"

"You are very late, but that is alright, I am patient. I could not help but notice the photographs on your desk. You were very cute as a child, how did you turn out to be so stupid and forgetful?"

"_Hey guys, sorry I missed your call. I'm either doing something awesome or heroic or I forgot to pay my phone bill again. Anyways, leave a message and I'll get back to ya. Unless your name is Braginski, in which case I hope you die in a couch fire. Get the fuck out of my room and stop calling me, you freak._"

"Kiku said that you would probably be a while, but I don't mind waiting. I will see you when you return, друг."

**January 19th**

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD

_Later  
_  
Ifdevgfrefcc dsada asefrg wtf.

_Later  
_  
I have to kill myself. It's the only way. I can't even- I don't even- OHMYGOD.

-  
A note Alfred found taped to his headboard when he woke up:

_Dear Alfred,_

__

Though you returned home far too late to study, I still enjoyed our evening together. I will come walk with you to practice this afternoon.

_Your Friend, Ivan _

**January 19th **

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

-  
Translations: Друг- Friend

Thanks for reading! If you find any errors, let me know!-**  
**


	3. January 19th to 27th

**Chapter Three**

**January 19th**

OK. I need to calm down and stop freaking out. Nothing weird happened last night. That… That did not happen. That's… that just… it did not.

I just went and did karaoke at the bar with Arthur. I know I saw Mario and Luigi I mean Feliciano and Lovino, too. Just a normal, everyday Friday night. Anyways, me and Arthur had about two four twenty beers (thank you, fake ID!) and sang a few songs. (Antonio tells me we did a great rendition of Lady Gaga's _Love Game_.) Then Francis, already a little tipsy, came in with some random girls and Arthur proceeded to pick a fight with him (Arthur tells me that it was completely Francis's fault and, in his words, "I cannot be held responsible for my actions last night because I was completely pissed at the time.") so then the bartender asked us to leave, and Feliciano was nice enough to call his little security guard boyfriend who came and picked us up. (He told us his name but I totally forgot it. Loodie-something?)

Everything… Everything gets kind of fuzzy after that. I mean, I know nothing weird happened, but still, how the hell did that get on my headboard?

Great. Freaking out again.

_Later_

Can't breath. Kiku just said that he saw Braginski leave my room around seven this morning.  
_  
__Later_

WHY THE FUCK DID HE SLEEP IN MY ROOM DSAFG GRDDCA DFGGB FUCK HE IS DEAD.

_Later_

I think I hear Matthew crying.

_Later_

I knocked on Mattie's door, but as soon as he heard me knock he got all quiet and pretended to be sleeping. I knocked again and he told me to go away. I'm getting really sick of all his secrets though, so I refused to leave until he let me in, but he wouldn't budge and I'm late to practice as it is.

_Later_

God. I'm seriously an inch away from quitting the team. If I wasn't going to be able to play at State I think I would. Anything would be better than this hell.

Today after practice, everyone was getting their stuff out of their lockers and showering and changing and everything, and Braginski, loud enough for everyone to hear goes, "I really enjoyed our night together, Alfred."

So now everyone thinks we're gay together or… or _friends_ or something. It pissed me off so bad I tried to punch him, but he just moved out of the way and laughed at me. God I hate him.

Anyways, Matthew still won't talk to me and I'm starting to get worried. Maybe Francis will know what's wrong?

_Later_

I went and asked Francis what was the matter. Some random girl with pigtails answered the door. I asked her if I could speak to Francis and she got all giggly and asked me if I was, to quote her, "FranFran's little boyfriend." I told her no, and that I would never be caught dead with someone like Francis and anyways, I'm not gay, _thanks_. She just laughed again and let me in and said he was in his room.

When I walked into his dorm there were three girls sitting on Francis's pull-out bed, and they were all still in their pjs. I really wanted to ask them if they'd had some weird orgy last night, but figured it was a little personal. Plus I didn't need that mental image.

I knocked on Francis's door and he let me in, smiling when he saw me. "You just can't resist me," he joked. (Yeah, as if, Francis.) "Need help with French?" he asked.

I shook my head and told him that I'd come to ask him if he knew what was wrong with Matt. He frowned and said that he was unaware that there was a problem.

"Why?" he asked.

So I told him that lately Matt has been keeping secrets from me and that it wasn't like him, and that he was upset but wouldn't tell me why. I asked him if he might know anything. Francis just got this weird look on his face and told me that my best bet would be to wait for Matthew to come to me. He said he would open up when he was ready.

Well how freaking long is that going to take?

**January 20th**

Got practice again. At least it's not doubles, but when do we get a break? Matt still hasn't come out of his room. Fuck Francis's advice. If he doesn't tell me by tonight I'm gonna beat it out of him.

_Later_

I'm not going to be friends with him. I refuse. He is weird as fuck. And now at practice everyone thinks it's funny to ask me how our "relationship" is going. I really am going to kill Braginski, and I firmly believe that there is a special place in Hell for assholes like him. Right down there between Hitler and Jafar.

(...But it _was_ kind of nice of him to help me put up all the balls after practice.)

I hate him.

**January 21st**

Matthew and I had a fight. I don't wanna talk about it.

**January 23rd**

So Sunday night Matt was still being a big baby and wouldn't talk to me so I pounded on his door and told him so. Well, a few hours later I hear this little knock at my door. It was Matthew. He looked all sad and dejected so I scooted over on my bed and told him to sit down and tell big brother Al all about it.

He didn't sit though. He just sort of stood in the doorway and refused to look me in the eyes.

"Wanna know what my big secret is?" he asked me, voice all bitter and sarcastic. (I did not know Mattie was capable of that, just fyi.)

Anyways, I nodded.

"It was Francis," he whispered.

Course I didn't really follow, so I asked him what exactly was Francis. And then he told me that they'd been dating since the summer. And the first thing that came to mind when he said that was how Arthur would have a cow if he knew.

"Oh god," I said, completely disgusted and horrified.

I hadn't meant for it to come out like that. It had nothing to do with Matt and everything to do with the headache I would have if Arthur found out. But Mattie didn't know that. He thought I was disgusted by him and god, he almost started to cry again.

"Don't worry," he said. "We're not together anymore. He cheated on me."

And then he left and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. Man, I've never felt worse in my whole life. More later. Time for French.

_Later_

Anyways, of course after that I had to go and do what all good brothers do.

I was gonna beat the shit out of Francis Bonnefoy for making my little brother cry. He was going to regret ever having hurt his feelings.

I was going to humiliate him.

Publicly.

So the next day I marched all the way over to the stupid soccer field, right up to the stupid blond soccer captain, and decked him square in the jaw. He fell back, completely shocked. "What was that for, Alfred?" he demanded to know.

"You know damn well, you little shit," I spat, looking totally heroic and badass. "That was for Matthew."

When I said that Francis narrowed his eyes and stood back up. "Wanna try that again?" he asked. "I don't think your nose can take another hit."

I shoved at him and said something really cool like, "Try me, fucker!"

So then he punched me and I grabbed him by the collar of his jersey and kneed him in the gut. "You picked the wrong guy to cheat on," I growled and I would have decked him again, but Antonio pulled me off.

"I would never cheat on Matthew," Francis said.

"You callin my brother a liar?" I demanded.

Francis didn't bother responding, he just ran off the field and back to the dorms like a little girl.

…Actually, he ran off to make amends with Matthew. And to make a long story short, Matthew had mistaken the girls in Francis' room for his girlfriends or something and had assumed the worst. Turns out they were actually his sisters that had stopped by for a surprise visit.

But Matthew did think it was pretty heroic of me to defend him like that. Arthur thought it was foolish, but no one cares what he thinks. He's just jealous that I got to hit Francis and he didn't.

Oh. Speaking of which, we uh, decided it best to not tell Arthur that they're dating. One thing at a time, ya know?

Anyways, needless to say, Francis and Matthew got back together and proceeded to make-out make-up… rather loudly.

I think I liked it better when they kept it at his place.

_Later_

…They're still making up.

_Later_

Ok, seriously guys!

**January 24th**

Away game tonight. I get to miss trig. Whooooo!

_Later_

I just remembered that I'll still have to deal with Braginski anyways, so it doesn't really matter if I miss math. Fuck me.

_Later_

So Arthur just asked me why it is I can punch Francis in the face, but I can't, to quote him, "deal with Braginski."

Well let me tell you, Mr. Kirkland! There is a big difference between hitting someone your own size and hitting someone a full head higher than you who also probably happens to be clinically insane.

Arthur said I was just being a pussy.

I promptly reminded him about my door knob.

He didn't have anything to say after that.

**January 25th**

God, yesterday was horrible. It was a freaking two hour bus ride and Braginski insisted on sitting next to me. I tried throwing myself out the window but I couldn't get it open. It was terrible.

"Why is your face bruised?" he asked me.

"None of your business," I said.

"Are you bullied?" he asked, his voice getting all creepy and low.

I gave him a weird look. "No, you freak. I picked a fight with someone."

"Why would you do that if you knew that you would also get hurt?"

I sighed exasperatedly. "I did it for someone I care about," I said. "Not that it's any of your business."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his face turn to a sour expression so I tried to scoot as close to the window as possible.

"Ah," he said, "for your friend, Arthur, da?"

"No," I corrected, "for my brother."

Braginski seemed to like that answer. He smiled. "I would also gladly take a hit for a sibling," he said.

"Good for you."

And just when I thought he was about to leave me alone he added, "I think that I would take a hit for you, as well."

Well isn't that just great. My psycho arch-nemesis has a soft spot for me. Excuse me if that _doesn't_ make it easier for me to sleep at night.

And oh yeah. To make matters worse, we lost the game.

**January 26th**

BEST DAY EVER. Doctor says my nose splint can come off Tuesday AND Arthur said he'd take me to McDonald's today. Who CARES if it's snowing and unnaturally cold outside, today is amazing!

_Later_

Feliciano wanted my Ben Ten toy so Antonio took it and gave it to him. Well then Lovino wanted it so they fought over it and Feliciano ran into the playground area and hid in the balls and Lovino followed him and they scared a bunch of kids and now we're not allowed to go back to McDonalds. I am never speaking to Lovino or Feliciano ever again.

_Later_

So Braginski still hasn't given up. I thought he'd get sick of following me around after a few days but no. Everyday he's shown up at my door to walk with me to practice, and he lives in the senior dorms all the way across campus. I seriously don't get him.

Well today we were walking to the gym and some random blond guy, completely out of nowhere, up and hurls a humongous snowball at the back of his head. Of course I started laughing my ass off, but then he just stopped walking and it got all quiet and I thought he was going to kill me cause by then the perpetrator was all the way across the lawn, but Braginski just picked up some snow (actually it was more ice than snow) and flung it all the way across campus, pegging the guy in the back. He screamed like a little girl and fell face first in the snow. I'm pretty sure Braginski drew blood, too.

It was actually the coolest thing I've ever seen. Not that I'd tell him that.

**January 27th**

No practice today. Guess what that means? No Braginski! I could cry I'm so happy.

_Later_

I am going to kill Matthew. He woke me up from my nap to ask me if it would be alright to tell Arthur about him and Francis.  
"He's always been really nice to me," he said. "I don't want to keep this from him anymore."

Does he not understand that that would cause World War III?

Francis is to Arthur as Braginski is to me and it's been that way since the beginning of freshman year. No one really knows _why_ Arthur hates Francis, it's just one of those things. A fact of life. Like Lysol. And Arthur would have a fucking _cow_ if he found out that Matthew was dating Francis.

So of course I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea.

"So I'm just supposed to keep lying to him?" he asked.

"Try not to think of it as lying," I said, "Think of it as… self preservation."

He still didn't seem convinced, so I had to bribe him with a free IHOP meal.

_Later_

Braginski called me. Of course I didn't answer. He left a voice mail telling me he'd save me as seat in the DH for dinner. Like I'm sitting anywhere near him.

_Later_

I made Arthur and Kiku wait with me to go to dinner cause I didn't want to be in there at the same time as Braginski, and I certainly didn't want to be in there alone. Well, that weirdo freaking waited for me. When we got to the DH he was sitting at the team's table all by himself. Everyone else had already eaten and left but he was just sitting there, as if he honestly expected me to join him. As if. (...He did look a little lonely, though.)

When he saw me come in he waved, but I pretended not to see him. Arthur, Kiku, and I sat at a small table at the other end of the DH. I thought that he'd take the hint, but he just sat there the whole time watching us. That guy gives a whole new meaning to the word creepy.**  
**


	4. January 28th to February 2nd

**Chapter Four**

**January 28th**

I finally got around to calling Dad today; I haven't seen him since the summer. I tried to convince him to move back to the states, but he and Mattie like living in Ontario. But whatever. I'm just glad me and Matt got to go to the same college. Ever since Mom and Dad split and Dad moved back to Canada, I hardly ever spend any time with them, so it's nice to get to see Mattie.

Anyways, it was good getting to talk to Dad again. He was pissed at me cause Matthew's been keeping in touch and I haven't. I guess he misses me. He wanted to know how things were so I mentioned that my nose splint is coming off tomorrow. Then he demanded to know why I had a broken nose. I told him it happened during a game.

I wasn't about to mention the fact that my creepy stalker team mate did it.

_Later_

Got a care package from Mom! She sent me homemade cookies… and a first-aid kit with a note to "take better care of myself."

She also sent a bar of Cadbury's chocolate for Arthur, who refuses to share any of it with me. He is such a prick.

_Later_

Mom forgot to send Matthew a care package. I know she did it on purpose; she's still sore at him for moving with Dad instead of staying with us, which isn't fair at all. I pretended that the cookies were for both of us, but I think he knew the truth. I offered to let him beat me at Wii Star Wars, but he just grabbed his stuffed animal like he always does when he's upset and left for Francis's room.

Sometimes I wish we were closer.

**January 29th**

My nose is a little crooked, but you can barely tell it was ever broken. My beautiful face is back to normal!

Mattie is still feelin kinda down. I think I'll take him to IHOP for lunch. I'll take any excuse to skip trig I can get. (And keep my exposure to Braginski at a bare-minimum.)

_Later_

I knew spending some quality time with his big bro would make him feel better. That and I got him six pancakes. Matt can put those things away like it's no body's business.

Anyways, it was kind of nice getting to talk to him, just the two of us. It was mostly just stupid small talk, but he told me a lot about him and Francis, too. Francis is a year ahead of us so we've known him since freshman year. But it turns out they didn't start talkin until this summer, when they had a bio internship together. To be completely honest the story was way to disgustingly cute so I kind of zoned out a few times, but I got the jist of it. Kinda.

Well ok I nodded and smiled a lot so I don't think he noticed.

Anyways, all I really cared about was how the fuck he managed to keep something like that from me for months. And do you know what? He just smiled and said, "It wasn't that hard."

What is that supposed to mean?

_Later_

Today, practice was amazing. Stole the ball from Braginski, accidentally tripped him in the process, and ended the whole thing with a beautiful layup. Life is good.

**January 30th**

So for our next paper we have to write about a personal hero. I asked Arthur who he's doing and he picked some lame-o named Winston Churchill. Well I'm doing mine on Wolverine, the ultimate bad ass superhero. It was a toss up between him, Batman, and Superman, but U've already written about them, so I figured it would be nice to write about something different.

_Later_

Arthur said it doesn't count if they're not real. He's just jealous that my country has cooler heroes than his country.

_Later_

Reasons Wolverine is Cooler than Winston Churchill:  
1. Logan sounds a lot sexier than Winston. I don't think Churchie tapped a whole lotta ass with that first name. And like, one of the best perks of being a hero (aside from being loved and recognized by all) is gettin' some tail. Everyone knows that.  
2. He's an X-men. A freaking _mutant. _I think that's self-explanatory.  
3. Sure Churchill could call in the army or something if somebody messed with him, but Wolverine is so hardcore he can't even die. Not to mention his entire body is full of the world's hardest metal. And that's not even scientifically possible.  
4. And I don't think Churchill would look half as badass as Wolverine does in a full-body lycra suit.

_Later_

Arthur said that my list didn't prove anything so we asked Kiku who would win and he said neither. He said that Chuck Norris would.

Well, Chuck Norris is American so I still win.

_Later_

Lovino is pissed at Antonio and decided to crash at our place, but he keeps sending angry text messages and shouting at his phone. I've got an away game tomorrow and I'm still kinda mad about the whole McDonald's thing.

There is about to be one less Italian in the world.

**January 31st**

It's two o'clock in the fucking morning. Lovino still wouldn't shut the fuck up so I made Feliciano come get him and I've got to be awake in… oh, great. Three hours. Fuck me.

Note to self: Kill Lovino and Antonio when I get back to school.

_Later  
_  
I fell asleep as soon as we got on the bus. Thank god Braginski didn't try to sit next to me. But where the hell did this blanket come from? Whatever, it's comfy as hell.

_Later_

Arthur is such an asshole. He just called and told me that his mom is in town for a business meeting and he's making me have dinner with them tomorrow.

No one gets along with Victoria. Hell, Arthur can't even stand her. Why is he dragging me into this too?

**February 1st**

We won, 98-64. We fucking _killed_ them.

But Coach was a real dick yesterday. We were 48-40 in the second quarter and he wasn't going to let me play. He put fucking Tino in instead of me! Don't get me wrong, he's good for his size, it just pissed me off that it was the first game I could play in since the beginning of January and he wasn't gonna put me in, when he knows that I'm the best center we've got.

So I sat out the first half of the game, pissed as hell, but I wasn't going to say anything cause I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere. That and the last tie I tried he threatened to throw me off the team. And then, as if my day couldn't get any worse, Braginski, who was just waiting for Coach to put him back in, decides that sitting down next to me is a good idea.

"Something is bothering you, da?" he said. (Ok, why does he talk like that? Note to self: google weird Russianisms.)

Anyways, I really didn't feel like talking to him, so I pretended not to hear him. Of course that didn't stop him though. "What has gotten you upset?" he asked. "I don't understand why you are mad; I am playing well and we are going to win."

I scoffed at that and he raised a brow.

"Are you displeased because you wish to play also?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nice deduction, Sherlock."

That made him smile. (Freak.) "You are making reference to the movie we watched together," he said happily. "I will talk to Coach."

So then he gets up and proceeds to tell Coach that if he does not let me play he, "will regret it, da?"

I couldn't help but laugh. What sort of idiot does that? Coach got all red in the face and started yelling at Braginski for being such a disrespectful SOB, but then Braginski said that he would not play the rest of the game if he did not put me in as well.

Surprisingly, Coach agreed.

I played the last two quarters and scored about eight times. Braginski actually assisted me a few times, too.

So… I guess he's not so bad after all. I let him sit next to me on the bus ride home, but only because he had a bag of Sweet Sixteen donuts and promised to share.

Great. T minus two hours till I promised Arthur I'd meet him and the Devil his mother at the Garden Terrace for dinner tonight. FML.

**February 2nd**

Fuck. This is not going to end nicely.

Last night started off pleasant enough. Or as pleasant an evening can be when you're spending it with Hitler incarnate and her stodgy spawn.

God, Mrs. Kirkland is a royal _bitch_. Or, as she was more than happy to correct me last night, _Lady_ Kirkland is a royal bitch. I keep forgetting that she's a baroness. Whatever that means. I'm glad it's illegal to take a title in America; that shit is too confusing to keep up with. Not to mention, it always feels hella weird referring to someone as "Lord" or "Lady". It makes me think of like, the Knights of the Round Table or something and that always makes me laugh and laughing around Lady Kirkland is "very disagreeable behavior and why, Arthur dear, must you insist on associating with such distasteful people?"

So yeah. Dinner was awkward as fuck. And I was still pissed at Arthur for dragging me along with him, but I would have done the same thing.

Anyone would need moral support if that was their mother. She couldn't even make it past the first course without getting on his case. She bitched about everything from his grades (evidently a 3.8 GPA isn't good enough) to his outfit ("Your tie is quite crooked, Arthur. Do fix it, you look a mess.") to his choice of schooling. ("I don't see why you didn't want to go to Oxford like the rest of your brothers. It's very difficult for me to make these little visits across the ocean to visit you.")

Even though that was _such_ a lie. She hadn't come to visit him, she came for business and decided that, since she was in town, she may as well come and give him a hard time.

I seriously can't stand that woman, and the feeling is mutual. She evidently has no heart, so she can't seem to comprehend the idea of 'friendship' and, to put it in her words, "Your attachment to this American is most foolish and serves no purpose." Or something like that. I don't speak stuffy old hag, so it was hard remembering it verbatim.

I just don't get why this is still an issue. Even though Arthur is the world's biggest stick in the mud and we fight more than we get along, we're best friends, we're always going to _be_ best friends, and nothing is going to change that.

And if Arthur ever read this I would have to kill him.

Um. Anyways.

By the time dinner was over, Arthur was totally stressed out and pissed off, so I bought us some beer and we got drunk in the student parking lot. Needless to say, Arthur took that time to bitch about anything and everything, from his mom to the weather to how much he hates American football.

And then he asked me if I could keep a secret, and I said yes, of course, and he told me that he really didn't hate Francis.

"I'm actually in love with the git," he slurred, then turned to look at me, his face all sad and worn out, like too many things had been going wrong and he was just waiting for one thing to go right. "Can we still be best mates?" he asked. "Even though I like that disgusting creature?"

"Of course, man," I said, hoping against hope that it had been the alcohol talking and that, come tomorrow he'd have forgotten it all. But this morning Arthur came to my room and made me swear that I wouldn't tell a soul. And trust me, I won't.

But what am I supposed to do when Arthur finds out that Matt is dating Francis?**  
**


	5. February 3rd to 9th

**Chapter Five**

**February 3nd**

God, Arthur is going to notice if Francis makes a habit of visiting Matthew. But what am I supposed to do? Tell them sorry, Francis isn't allowed over here because it would kill my best friend to see them together? And what about Mattie? If he ever finds out that Arthur likes Francis, knowing him, he's going to feel all guilty about it like a girl or something.

I don't want either one of them to get hurt over this, but I can't see it ending well at all. What if Arthur tries to confess or something? Or if Matt decides to tell him? Or, worse yet, if Arthur walks in on them?

(OMG the mental image.)

This fucking sucks; I'm not supposed to have to worry about shit like this. I feel like I'm stuck in some preteen soap opera. And none of it's even _my_ drama.

_Later_

Oh wait. I forgot. I _totally_ fit into this soap opera. I'm the one with the freak stalker who's probably going to try to lure me into a false sense of security and then kill me or something.

_Later_

So I've decided that I'm going to try to keep the shit from hitting the fan for as long as possible. Which means that I'm going to have to keep Arthur away from Matthew and Francis. It shouldn't be too hard keeping him away from Francis, since he's hell bent on pretending that everything is normal and that I don't know a damn thing about it, which is way more than ok with me, but it's a little tougher to keep him away from Mattie since we sort of all live in the same dorm...

**February 4th**

Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Matt said he rented some movies and wants to know if Arthur and I wanted to watch them with him. Fuuuuuck.

Later

Ok. I got out of it by using my amazing verbal skills.

"Is uh… um, is Francis coming over, too?" I asked.

Mattie got all exasperated when I asked him that. "It's not like we're going to be all over each other!" he said. (Which is a complete lie. Did he forget who he was dating?)

Anyways, then I had to make up some lame excuse about having a club meeting tonight, and how Arthur had to come too, which is also a complete lie.

_Later_

Note to self: Remember to tell Arthur that we are now members of the… (kill me) Literary Club, and we have a meeting tonight at 8 o'clock.

_Later_

That was close. Arthur almost didn't buy my lame-ass awesome excuse.

"I'm already a member of the Literary Club," he said, aggravated that I'd interrupted his alone time with his two best friends: Jane Austen and Earl Grey. (Ok so he was reading the paper but you know he's got to love all that stupid romance novel crap, too.) But yeah. I seriously wanted to kick myself. If I had known that he was busy tonight anyways, then I wouldn't have had to bother with all this.

"Ok," I said. "Well, now I'm a member too, and I'm coming with you!"

Except I really don't want to go. I don't read. Who the fuck reads? But it would look suspicious if I suddenly changed my mind.

Arthur was suspicious anyways. He narrowed his eyes and gave me The Look. (Copyright pending.)

"Why the sudden interest?" he asked.

Well I wasn't about to tell him that it was only because I didn't want him to witness Francis and Matthew's epic hand holding and footsie fest.

So I told him that I just wanted to "broaden my horizons" and "become more worldly."

And do you know what he did? He laughed at me and patted my head, like he thought I was being cute or something. Well I'll show him. Alfred F. Jones knows a challenge when he sees one.

Screw class. I'm going to the library.

_Later  
_  
The books were way too long, so I just went to Spark Notes and read the summary for some book called Brave New World which was weird as fuck. Who comes up with that shit?

_Later_

I googled the author and –surprise, surprise- he was British.

...That actually explains a lot.

_Later  
_  
I am going to kill Arthur. He knew Braginski was part of the Literary Club and he didn't tell me. That fucker. If I was less awesome, I would totally retract my offer to go watch that piano recital with him. But since I'm such an amazing person (and I still feel really guilty about keeping the whole Francis thing from him) I guess I'm still going.

But still.

That was not cool, man. Not cool at all.

Oooh, Family Guy's on. More later.

**February 5th**

So. About last night: I am never going back to that stupid club. On top of Braginski being there, apparently they're all in the middle of reading some book called Anna Karenina. Which sucks for three reasons:

1. It's Russian.  
2. I don't like Russians because they're creepy and they stalk me.  
3. Arthur failed to tell me they were reading said stupid creepy stalker Russian novel so I looked like an idiot for not knowing what was going on. Arthur said that he didn't think it would matter since, to quote him, "you never know what's going on, anyways."

What is _that _supposed to mean? I am so putting coffee in his tea bags.

And of course Braginski was all sorts of happy to see that I was there, and he kept asking me questions about the book, even though it was obvious that I hadn't read it. I think that he and Arthur are secretly plotting against me.

_Later_

…Trying to put coffee in tea bags doesn't work…

_Later_

…Arthur just came by and thanked me for not telling anyone about his feelings for Francis. He even got me a Big Mac.

"Arthur, you don't have to worry about it," I said. "I'm your best friend; I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Well," he said, "Still. Thanks. I just want to put all of this behind me."

...I'm going to hell, aren't I?

_Later_

So after trig I thought that Braginski was taking his stalking to a whole new level, cause he followed me from the math building all the way to the campus post office, but it turns out he was just checking his mail like I was. (Thank god.)

It was really weird, though. He had a letter in his hand, obviously to mail. But when he checked his PO box and read what had been sent to him… For a split second his face went from its normal, eerily happy expression to something… almost hateful. And then he didn't even mail the letter he had brought with him; instead he threw them both away. I wonder what made him do that.

Ugh, speak of the devil. My 'escort' is here. Must be time for practice.

_Later_

I couldn't help it; curiosity got the better of me. I mean, who wouldn't want to know what was in the letters? Plus, he was extra focused at practice tonight. Not that I was paying attention to him or anything. It was just painfully obvious that he was trying to keep his mind off of something was all.

So after practice I went back to the post office and (after making sure no one was around) I fished them out of the trashcan. I know that's probably a little weird, but whatever.

The first letter, the one that had been sent to him, was post marked from Russia; It must be from a family member or something. When I opened it up, of course it was all in that weird language so there was no way I could tell what it said. But it seemed pretty short; it was only two or three sentences long. I know if my mom or dad wrote me a letter it would at least be a page… I wonder why it was so short? And it must say something bad, for him to have reacted that way. I wish I knew what it said. Stupid Russians and their stupid non-English speaking ways.

Anyways, the letter he was going to mail was addressed to the same place. I opened it, and it was much longer. It was to some… моя самая дорогая сестра. (God that took forever to copy.) At least that's what the first line said. Seems kind of long for a name, but who knows. The letter itself was about two pages long. Most of it was in Russian, but the last paragraph was in English… and it mentioned me.

-  
Ivan's letter:

"_I am very pleased to see that you have taken an interest in learning English as well; it is a surprisingly useful tool and a simple language to master. I am sure that you will have little difficulty in your studies. As requested, here is a short message in English for you. I am not sure what else there is to say though._  
_School is going very well. My senior thesis recital is next month. We will be performing Vesna svyashchennaya. It is coming together quite nicely. I wish that you could see it, but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. As I have already said, I am enjoying my stay in the States. Basketball is going very well this year and I have made many new friends. There is one in particular that I wish you could meet. His name is Alfred. He is not very bright, but he is a very charismatic and interesting individual. He does not care much for the opinions of others, a trait I greatly admire but all too often find lacking in others."_

-

He wrote more after that, but it was in Russian so who knows what else he had to say.

But seriously, if he has other friends, then why does he have to follow me around?

_Later_

Wait, did he call me stupid?

Asshole.

_Later_

I had dinner with Kiku and some of his baseball buddies tonight. Braginski walked in a little while after I did. I tried not to make eye contact cause I didn't want him to sit with us but I don't think he noticed me anyways. He just went to the basketball table but there wasn't an open seat, and no one bothered to make room for him, so he just sat by himself.

Well, that's what he gets for being such a freak.

_Later_

When I walked into my dorm tonight, Matt and Francis were pretty much going at it like rabbits. On the couch. In the common area of our dorm.

Which means that Arthur could have seen them.

Forget the fact that I have now seen more of my brother than I have ever wanted to see, _Arthur_ could have seen that. _Arthur_ could have walked in on them playing semi-naked tonsil hockey.

And Arthur is not supposed to even know that they are dating! And Matt agreed to keep it on the DL! Is he trying to get me killed?

So I promptly yanked him off of the couch and drug him into his room. (So I could lock the door. Still haven't gotten my door knob fixed.)

"What are you thinking?" I hissed.

Matt at least had the decency to look extremely embarrassed. "We, I, uh," he stuttered. "We were just doing homework, and then, er…"

I grabbed his arms and started shaking him back and forth pretty vigorously. "Mattie. You cannot 'do your homework' with Francis in our dorm. Arthur will see."

Matt rolled his eyes. "So what?" he asked. "Why should I have to keep this secret from him? He's my friend, and anyways, he's a big kid. I know he dislikes-"

"_Hates_," I corrected.

"_Hates_ him, but, but he's just going to have to deal with it. I love Francis!"

Yeah, well, so does Arthur. That's precisely the problem.

I sighed. "Mattie," I said, drawing his name out, trying to choose my words carefully. "I don't know how to say this. You just, you can't tell Arthur about you two being together."

"Why not?" he demanded to know.

"Because he's in love with him too and it would kill him!" is what I wanted to say, but I couldn't, cause that would cause a big mess, too. So ok yeah, upon reflection it wasn't the wisest choice, but at the time I thought it was a pretty good excuse. So I said "because he's a homophobe."

And god, the look on Mattie's face when that came outta my mouth...

**February 6th**

I know those words are going to come back to haunt me. Matt is being distant again, like he was when I didn't know about him having a boyfriend. And his teddy bear is missing, so he probably spent the night at Francis's.

I have got to do something before anything else goes wrong.

_Later_

Dude. Gilbert is back in town and he's throwing an early birthday party for Antonio or something like that so fuck everything else. I am getting fucking _wasted_tomorrow. Gilbert's one of Francis's best friends, but Arthur never goes to parties so it's not like I have anything to worry about.

_Later_

So.

I'm blaming it on a lapse of sanity, but I just invited Braginski to go to Gilbert's party. Maybe if he socializes he'll actually make some friends and stop stalking me.

Plus, my karma could really use some good deeds. And that counts as a good deed, right?

**February 7th**

Ok maybe that wasn't such a great idea. Maybe I should have just walked an old lady across the street or helped a cat out of a tree or found a cure for cancer or something if I really thought I needed to do a good deed, because now Braginski _really_ won't leave me alone. He keeps going on about how happy he is that we will be "hanging out for a second time," and how pleased he is that I was the one to ask.

Fuck.

Why don't any of my awesome plans go the way they're supposed to?

**February 8th**

I missed English this morning but damn it was so worth it. Who knew Braginski was so good at beer pong? We fucking killed everyone who thought they were good enough to challenge us. And I don't even think he got drunk. That guy is a beast. And he sort of made other friends last night, too. At least he hit it off pretty well with this one Chinese kid that was there. (Wang? Yang? I don't remember, I've only had one class with him.) So, if I can get him to stop stalking me, there might be hope for him yet.

And get this, that security guard that's dating Feliciano? He's _totally_ Gilbert's little brother. Talk about a small world. Oh, and I remembered his name, it's Ludwig. Anyways, apparently Antonio and Lovino made up. Either that or Lovino was really drunk, cause I'm pretty sure Antonio got lucky last night.

...Is it just me or is everyone on the soccer team gay?

Gotta get ready for that stupid piano recital now. Arthur told me I had to "dress nicely" as if I don't already or something. Personally I have no idea why he'd think that. I make lounge pants look damn good.

**February 9th**

I don't know what the fuck Arthur's problem is, but when I went to that stupid piano recital Kiku was sitting on one side of him, and some brown haired chick that I don't even know was sitting on the other and when I asked him why he hadn't saved a seat for me he wouldn't talk to me.

"Tell Alfred that I don't even want to look at him right now," he said to Kiku, who just looked at me and mouthed, 'He's really mad right now.'

Well no shit.

But what the fuck did I do?

-

Translation: моя самая дорогая сестра- My Dear Sister. (Please let me know if this is wrong, thanks!)**  
**


	6. February 10th to 14th

**Chapter Six**

**February 10th**

Arthur is such an asshole and I don't care if I never speak to him again. He can fly back to England for all I care. And I hope the plane crashes and he drowns in the Pacific or Atlantic or whichever stupid ocean is between America and his stupid island of a country because he is a class A PRICK and I officially don't give a fuck what he does anymore.

I didn't stick around to watch that stupid piano recital. I mean, I didn't stay in the theater, anyways. I guess I should've, cause I kind of met the pianist at Gilbert's party. (His name was Robert? Roger? Something.) But I honestly hate classical music. It's boring and stuffy and way too complicated. Probably why Arthur likes it. Anyways, I waited for him in the lobby. I figured maybe he was mad about something stupid, like maybe there had been some sort of misunderstanding. We have those a lot, cause sometimes he doesn't understand how amazing I am, and sometimes I don't always get his weird little British ways. I figured that the recital would calm him down (cause I heard somewhere that it's good for soothing babies and Arthur is pretty much a big baby) and then maybe we could talk about it afterwards.

So, as everyone was leaving the theater, I tried to pull Arthur aside. "What's got you all pissy?" I asked, joking, trying to make him crack a reluctant smile.

He just brushed me off. "I meant what I said, Alfred," he said callously. "Leave me alone."

I frowned. "At least tell me why you're mad!" I said.

He turned and looked at me, eyes cold. "As if you don't already know."

…Well, no I have no fucking idea! That's why I asked, you ass hat. But whatever.

So Arthur didn't tell me what was wrong. But see if I care. I don't care. If he wants to be a douche bag that's fine by me. I'll go find a new best friend.

Later

List of Possible New Best Friends:

1. Kiku? Nah, he's already got a best friend, that Heracles guy.  
2. Matthew? No, that's lame. We're related.  
3. Bragi-NO. No. Just no. Never.  
4. …um…

…This is harder than I thought.

_Later_

I'm bored. This blows. He won't answer his door, or my calls, or my texts. And I left him a message on the dry erase board his has on his door, and he wrote back: Fuck you, Jones with a big horribly drawn middle finger next to it. And what I think was supposed to be his face.

I just… What the hell? One minute everything's fine, and the next he hates me. If he won't tell me what's going on, then I'm just gonna ask Kiku.

_Later_

Dude. Kiku got Mass Driver. It was pretty sweet. Got to plow through buildings and cars and live stock and stuff at like, 1,000 miles per hour.

…Shit I forgot to ask about Arthur and I'm pretty sure he's hanging out with Heracles now. I'll just text him.

-

hey, forgot 2 ask, wats up w/ arthur?

?

dude kiku he's still pissed at me man. whyyyyyy? D:

idk. he didn't say…

well wat am i supposed 2 do?

…ask him? ._.

he won't talk to me D:

i'm sorry TT_TT

-

**February 10th**

Ok so Kiku wasn't very helpful. Maybe Mattie will know.

**February 11th**

Fucking Matthew. I told him to keep his mouth shut. How was I supposed to know that he'd go back on his word and tell Arthur? I can't believe him. If you can't trust your own flesh and blood then who can you trust? God. Arthur's probably never going to speak to me again and it's all Matt's fault.

Yesterday I went by Francis's dorm, cause Matt wasn't in his room. Matt answered the door, and it was totally obvious that he knew why I was there, and it was even _more_ obvious that he didn't want to talk about it, cause he kept asking me about basketball and school and shit. Finally, I just had to corner him.

"Matthew," I cut him off mid-sentence. "Do you know why Arthur is mad at me?"

He seemed shocked when I said that, as if that hadn't been what he'd been expecting me to say. "Why is he mad at you?" he asked. "I mean, I know he's mad at me, but…"

And that was when I knew the shit had hit the fan.

"What did you do?" I demanded.

Matt got all flustered and tried to hide himself behind the blanket in his lap.

"Before you get mad, I never broke my promise!" he said. "I never told him anything. It's just that… Arthur has been acting really distant lately, and then you told me about the whole homophobe thing, and I hated thinking that he wouldn't want to be my friend anymore if he knew, so all I did was invite him to a party because I like being friends with him and-"

"What party?" I asked.

"G-Gilbert's, you know-"

"You went?"

"Yeah, we're friends! You were in the kitchen the whole time, playing beer pong, so you probably didn't see us…"

Well that was fucking super and all, but it still didn't explain why Arthur was mad at me.

"So what happened?" I was really starting to get impatient by that point, but he just kept fiddling with the stupid fringe on his stupid maple leaf blanket.

"Well?" I asked again.

"Arthur saw Francis kiss me and I just sort of told him everythng and now he won't speak to me," he blurted out so fast I almost missed it.

Actually, I almost wish I _hadn't_ caught what he'd said. I can't believe that he did that to me. Matt knew he couldn't let Arthur see them together. So maybe it was for the wrong reason, but still! The point is, he _knew_ it would make Arthur upset. So what if I told a little white lie? The end result was the same, wasn't it?

So then me and Matthew started arguing, which made Francis come out of his room to see what was going on, so then me and Francis started arguing and he made me leave. I really wanted to hit him again, cause when you get down to it it's really all his fault in the first place. But Coach said if I got into another fight they'd probably put me on probation and I want to see the season through more than I want to bash Francis's face in. But just barely.

Anyways, thanks to stupid Francis's stupid existence and my stupid brother's stupid need to make Arthur hang out with him, Arthur now knows about Matt and Francis, Matt now thinks Arthur hates him for being gay, and Arthur now hates me because he thinks I was keeping a secret from him.

Which, I mean, I was, but not because I was trying to be mean or anything. I was just trying to keep him from getting hurt but no one seems to see where I was coming from and now everyone is mad at me and all I was trying to do was help. Why does no one appreciate this?

_Later_

Braginski just texted me asking if I was going to go to the Literary Club meeting tonight. I told him to fuck off because I have better things to do.

_Later_

I don't feel guilty at all for being mean to him.

_Later_

I really don't.

**February 12th**

As usual, Braginski is _more_ than happy to see me. I guess he didn't get mad at me from last night's text message. God, if _only_ he'd be mad at me. Then maybe he'd leave me the fuck alone.

Taking him to that party did nothing; he still follows me around. Today he came by a half an hour earlier to pick me up for morning practice. I wasn't even out of bed yet and he just came into my room, turned the lights on, and pulled me of the bed.

First of all, thank _god_ I don't sleep naked. Second of all, how the fuck did he get into my dorm?

"You and Arthur are fighting, da?" Maybe it was just me, but he sounded pretty cheerful about it, if that stupid smile that never left his face was any indication.

"How did you know?" I asked, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and trying to find a pair of socks.

"The sign on his door is a warning for you to stay away from him," he explained cheerfully. "Beneath it there is a rather crudely drawn example of what he will do to you if you don't."

"It's not a big deal," I said as I grabbed my shoes. "Come on, big guy. Let's go."

"I will be your new best friend, since Arthur now hates you," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Er, that's really not necessary," I said.

He laughed. "Silly Alfred, I was not asking!"

I. Hate. My. Life.

_Later_

No really. I do.

And Tuesday's and Thursday's are the worst, because I've got practice (with Braginski) and Trig (also with Braginski). And he usually follows me around for the entire day and generally makes a nuisance of himself. Plus it's difficult to do fun things like play video games or chat up the ladies when you've got this six foot something scary beast trailing behind you.

But I guess sometimes he comes in handy, because when we were leaving the DH we ran into Arthur. (Yeah I ate lunch with Braginski but he didn't talk too much so it wasn't so bad.) Anyways, Arthur was with a bunch of his nerdy English major friends. When he saw me he wrinkled his nose and pointedly looked the other way. I did the same and grabbed Braginski by the arm, dragging him as fast as I could.

"Come on, _Ivan_," I said loudly, hoping he'd over hear. "We've got better things to do then hang out with stupid British people."

Arthur scoffed. "What, found a new sidekick?" he asked.

I turned around and smirked. "Yeah," I said. "It was pretty easy, too."

He rolled his eyes and kept walking. Didn't have anything to say to that.

_Later_

Braginski won't shut up about how I used his first name instead of his last. God, with the way he's been going on about it, you'd think I'd just given him a million dollars or proposed to him or something. He doesn't seem to get that it was just because of Arthur. And I haven't said it since, but that doesn't seem to faze him.

Freak.

In other news, Francis is still mad at me for fighting with Matthew (who I refuse to speak to) which sucks because I need help with French.

_Later_

God, there is absolutely _no_ one to hang out with. Everyone is over at Antonio's, including Arthur, which makes no sense because he's about as social as… as really, really, stupid, unsocial things. Yeah.

And Kiku is out doing stupid stuff with his stupid baseball buddies, leaving me- popular, amazing, totally awesome me- all alone and bored as fuck.

This should be illegal.

**February 13th**

Home game tonight. Time to kick some ass!

_Later_

…Arthur didn't come watch like he usually does. Guess it's a good thing, seeing as we lost.

**February 14th**

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!

Nothing's gonna get me down today; I freakin' _love_ this holiday- I always get a shit load of candy and stuff!

_Later_

Ok. This is weird. Usually by noon I have at least ten or twenty gifts from a ton of girls, but I haven't gotten anything yet, which is strange because pretty much everyone is in love with me. Oh wait, someone's at the door. I bet it's a gift for me!

_Later_

What. The. Fuck.

It was Braginski.

…With a valentine for me.

As in, he knocked on my door and held out a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates. And gave them to me.

"I have decided that I no longer wish to be your best friend," he said. "From now on we will be lovers."

I just stared at him, completely… I don't even know. So I just stared at him.

Er, it was a nice thought and all. (I guess.) Except, you know, for the little fact that I'M NOT GAY and HE'S A FREAK. So I tried to tell him as nicely as possible that I was flattered (not) but that I would have to say no. (More like HELL NO.) But, of course, he just kept smiling and said that he would be by around six to pick me up for our first 'official date'.

I think I'm going to go hide in the science building or something. No one will ever find me there.

God, someone else is at the door. If it's Braginski again I'm going to kill him.

-

A note Alfred found tapped to his door:

_Roses are Red, Violet's are Blue.  
Stay away from Ivan or **I will kill you.**_  
**  
**


	7. February 15th to 27th

**Chapter Seven**

**February 15th**

Reasons my Life Sucks Right Now:

1. They're out of Coke in the cafeteria.  
2. My brother is a big stupid blabber mouth.  
3. Arthur still hates me.  
4. Last night Braginski forced me to go out with him.  
5. The girl in my English class wants to kill me.  
6. No really. She does.

_Later_

Yeah. No. You know, I have a really freaking important game coming up. I don't have time for this bull crap.

Yesterday was supposed to be a really amazing day. Not to brag or anything, but I'm pretty popular with the ladies so I usually get a bunch of gifts. It's just to be expected. Alfred F. Jones gets a shit load of chocolates and Sweet Hearts on Valentine's Day. It's practically a Law of Nature. Up there with Newton and Darwin and whoever else wrote laws.

So I thought it was pretty fishy that I hadn't received any gifts. And then Braginski came by and made his weird… announcement… or whatever you wanna call it, and then I got that freaky Post-It Note of Doom on my door.

Yeah. That's right. I got a death threat. On a Post-It note.

I thought someone was just playing a stupid joke on me until I got to English class this morning. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After Braginski left I immediately took all the crap he gave me to the laundry room down the hall to throw it away. After all, I wasn't about to toss it in my trashcan; I didn't want anyone to see it. But guess what I saw in there?

Spilling over the sides, the trashcan was full of ripped up red and pink envelopes and cards, not to mention tons of boxes of unopened chocolates and other candy. And, from what I could read at least, all of it had been addressed to me.

So I guess that explains why I didn't get anything. Also, I'm more than 100% sure that Braginski did it, which is just all sorts of different flavors of creepy and weird. But there wasn't anything I could do about it; who takes candy out of trashcans? So I just tossed the gifts from Braginski on top of the ruined presents.

The flowers he had given me, a mixture of sunflowers, baby's breath, tulips, and gardenia, stared up at me pitifully. It seemed almost a crime to throw them away, since they were so vibrant and fresh, but I wasn't keeping anything he gave me. And besides, flowers are for, you know, girls.  
So I just frowned at them and pushed them down further, till all that was left visible beneath the plastic and bits of colored paper were a few broken stems and bruised petals.

That finished, I marched back to my room to do some much needed studying. Except I sort of got distracted by _Call of Duty 6_, but anyways.

So there I was, in my room, sitting on my bed, playing my game and minding my own business, when all of a sudden fucking Braginski came in my room.

You know what? I don't even know why that shocks me anymore. Aside from the fact that he _shouldn't even be able to get into my dorm_, I should be totally used to all his little completely unwanted surprise visits.

So I just paused the game and glared at him. The fucker had on dress clothes. Fucking _dress_ clothes! He smiled and said, "are you ready for our date, malayo mona?" (Or something like that. I can't remember, since, you know, it wasn't in freaking _English_, but I bet I don't even want to know what it means.)

I coughed and tried my best to look pitiful and sickly. "Actually, I'm not feeling so good," I said. "I think I've got the swine flu."

He cocked his head to the side, contemplating me for a moment. Then he marched up to my bed and put his hand on my forehead. I drew back so quickly I almost hit my head on the wall.

"You do not feel warm," he said. "I think you are well enough to spend the evening with me."

"No, really," I tried to convince him. "I just took something so my fever went down, but I really do feel like shit."

He narrowed his eyes. I coughed and crawled under the covers and moaned for good measure.

"Are you lying to me, Alfred?" he asked, "Because if you are lying to me then I will just go and tell little Matthew that Arthur is in love with his boyfriend."

"How the fuck did you _know_ about that?" I shot up and shouted, kind of forgetting that I was supposed to be deathly ill.

"I have class with Arthur and Francis. Your friend isn't as ambiguous with his emotions as he'd like to think." His smile broadened. "I've had my suspicions about him for a while and, judging by your reaction, they were correct. Thank you for clearing that up."

"You asshole," I accused. "You have no right to do that."

Braginski just kept on smiling and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. "But that will not stop me from calling Matthew right this moment and telling him," he said. "So it would probably be best for everyone if you were to just accompany me for our nice date, da?"

I laughed. "As if I'd go anywhere with you. I don't think you'll really do it."

I guess challenging him wasn't the best idea I've even had, because next thing I knew, he had his cell up to his ear. "Matthew? Hello, this is Ivan. I was just calling to let you know-"

I jumped out of bed and lunged for his phone, but since he was stupid and taller, he held it out of reach. I tried jumping for it, but he simply passed it to his other hand. I scowled. He was treating his phone like a basketball. There was no way I'd get it from him.

"_Fine_," I hissed. "I'll go out with you!"

He closed his phone and patted me on the head. "That was a very wise decision, Alfred," he said cheerfully. As if he hadn't just manipulated me into spending freaking Valentine's Day with him. More later. My hand is killing me and I can hardly read what I've written.

_Later_

So, like I was saying, I agreed to go out with him. Not like, _out_ with him out with him, just, you know, out with him that one time. As in, IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN.

Anyways, I threw on a pair of khakis and this stupid grey polo pullover Mom got me that I never wear because he said that I couldn't wear blue jeans or sweats but I was _not_ about to wear black slacks and a tie like him. He didn't seem to mind that I wasn't quite as dressed up as him, though. Unfortunately, he even said I (ugh) looked nice, and then said some weird stuff in Russian. I just told him to stick to English and shut up.

He booked us a table at a place near by because he knew I wasn't about to get in a car with him. Either that or I just got lucky. Anyways, it was some Italian place and let me just say- going out to dinner with another dude on Valentine's Day? Probably the single most humiliating experience of my life. And it went something like this:

Stupid Russian: We've got a reservation for 6:30.

Hostess: Could I have your last name, please?

Stupid Russian: It's under Braginski. Party of two. It's just the two of-

Me: Yeah, I think she gets it.

The stupid hostess giggled and led us to a stupid table all the way in the back corner. I didn't exactly want to be in a dark secluded corner with him, but at least there wasn't anyone else around to see us together.

Or so I thought until I happened to glance over my shoulder and see that both the Vargas brothers were there with their respective dates.

It fucking figured.

Not that I have anything against gay people or anything, but did they have to be there? I mean, well, it was fucking VALENTINE'S DAY and I was out with a MAN and I knew that THEY were gay and dammit, I didn't want them to think I was, too! I seriously wanted to crawl under the table and slit my wrists with the butter knife or something.

Thank god Lovino was too busy yelling at everyone. I don't think they noticed me.

I guess the dinner itself was alright. They had this cool burger thing with an onion ring on it, so I got that. And Braginski is lucky he didn't make fun of me for ordering a burger at an Italian restaurant, cause if he had I seriously would have punched him in the face.

But for the most part he just made stupid chit-chat and didn't bring up anything weird.

That is until he walked me back to my dorm.

"That was a lovely date," he said.

"Er, yeah, it was super," I said sarcastically, mentally willing him to leave so I could go in my dorm without worrying that he would follow me.

He beamed. "I am glad that you agreed!" he said. "We will have to do this again very soon, now that we are dating."

"We aren't dating," I told him, eye twitching. "You black mailed me into having dinner with you, remember?"

His smile vanished to be replaced with a stupid puppy-dog look. "But Alfred, you told me that you wanted to go out with me. We _are_ dating!" Were those… freaking tears in his eyes? "It's not nice to say such things."

"I never said that!" I shouted.

He frowned. "But you did. Just before we went to dinner, you agreed to go out with me." He smiled again and patted my head. "So it is time for our good night kiss now, da?"

And that was when I ran in my dorm and locked myself in the bathroom because my stupid door is still broken.

Today hasn't been much better.

Natalia, that girl in my English class? The one with the Post-It note, the one that wants to kill me? Yeah. Her. After class today she followed me to the cafeteria and sat down with me, glaring at me so intently I couldn't make eye contact with her.

"Er, can I help you?" I asked a little nervously. She might have had a bow in her hair, but _damn_ she looked like a fucking psychopath. She could give Braginski lessons on how to be creepy, and that's saying something.

"I want you to stay away from Ivan," she said through clenched teeth.

"Oh man, I wish I could. He won't leave me alone!" I said. "Feel free to take him off my hands."

That didn't seem to help though. She just kept glaring at me and starting digging her nails into the grain of the table. "I know that you have tricked him into liking you," she hissed. "But I won't warn you again. Touch him, and you will regret it."

Great. Just fucking super.

I now have two freaks chasing after me. Just what I always wanted.

**February 16th  
**  
So Matt and I kinda made up. He came by my room earlier and just sort of stood at my door all awkward and stuff and asked me if he could come in and I said sure, I guess, and he just sort of stood there for a few minutes and then burst into tears.

And how am I supposed to stay mad at him when he's crying? So I gave him a hug and we sat down on my bed and talked about a bunch of different stuff. He asked me if I still wanted to go to Florida with them for Spring Break, and I told him I would if we didn't go to State. I asked him if Arthur was going, and he started to cry again. He said that he wasn't, and that he couldn't stand that Arthur hated him now.

"I just wish I could turn back time. I wish Arthur had never seen. I'm really sorry, Al. I really am," I sniffled. "Is he still mad at you?"

I nodded a little. "It's ok, Matt. I'm not mad at you."

"It's just not fair that he's mad at you!" he said. "It's not because of me, is it?"

I told him no, of course not, that we had just had a fight, like we usually do, and that things would be alright.

"We'll work it out," I said. "We always do."

And we will, right?

…Right?

**February 17th  
**  
Today Natalia waited for me after basketball practice. She chased me from the gym all the way to the art building screaming at me to stay away from her "precious Ivan" and that if I didn't she would… Do some things that sounded really painful and really illegal. And what did Braginski do?

Fucking nothing.

Turns out he's afraid of her, too.

So what am I supposed to do if she actually _catches_ me?

**February 18th  
**  
Tomorrow's the big game- make or break. I know it's just my sophomore year, so it's not like I'll never get the chance again, plus it would be cool to get to go the Florida for Spring Break, but I really want to go to State.

_A few moments later_

…Braginski just texted me asking if I'd eat lunch with him.

It's not like I want to, but I figure he'll play his best if I'm nice to him so I guess I will. I'm just, you know, takin' one for the team. Because I'm so nice and heroic. Spending time with him is seriously the last thing I want to do.

And it sucks even more because we're going to have to get lunch off campus (ugh he'll just _love _that) cause I can't be seen with him at school or Natalia will try to maim me. I think we'll go to Burger King or something, since I'm still not allowed at McDonald's.

_Later_

He made me get in his car. (Actually it was Toris's car. I don't even want to know how/why they know each other. Knowing Ivan, he probably threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't lend it to him.)

Anyways, we didn't have to go to Burger King. We went through the McDonald's drive-thru and I didn't have to pay and he didn't try to kill me, so I guess it was ok.

**February 20th  
**  
We lost the game yesterday. We're not going to State. Don't want to talk about it.

**February 22nd  
**  
So I've been pretty bummed for the past few days, but I'm trying to stay positive. There's always next year, and besides, now I get to go to Florida with my friends. Speaking of which, I think I'm going to talk to Arthur. This whole… ignoring me thing has gone on long enough. And I know Francis is going to be there, but Arthur is just going to have to get over it because he's my best friend and spring break will suck without him. Plus, maybe he'll help me out with Braginski.

_Later_

Never mind. Fuck Arthur. And fuck spring break, too.

**February 23rd  
**  
Things that Really Really Piss Me Off:

1. Russian People  
2. British People  
3. Japanese People

You know why? Cause they all suck. Braginski didn't even care that we don't get to go to State. Isn't that weird? I mean, he's a fucking senior. I don't think he's planning on joining the NBA anytime soon, so that was pretty much the last time he'd ever get to play on such a competitive level. So why isn't he mad? It pisses me off that he's so unfazed by it. We worked our asses off this year and he doesn't even give a shit. And he's good, too. I hate to admit it, but he's really good. And that's what pisses me off so much. Why doesn't he give a fuck about anything?

And you know what else pisses me off? Fucking Arthur. Even after I tried to talk to him, he's still giving me the cold shoulder. I mean, I get that he's hurt, but what the hell. I told him that I didn't have anything to do with Matt and Francis.

"But you knew they were together and you didn't tell me," he said. "I could have easily made myself look like a fool. But you didn't think of that, did you?"

I don't know why he had to be all difficult about it. I was more than willing to accept his apology for treating me like crap, but he couldn't even say sorry. So I told him that I was going to spend spring break with them and that I was _glad_ that he wasn't going.

And stupid Kiku just asked Arthur if he'd go to WalMart with him. Arthur doesn't even _like_ WalMart. He thinks Tesco is better. Which is stupid, cause they're pretty much the same thing. But that's beside the point. Kiku isn't supposed to ask Arthur to go to WalMart with him. Why'd he ask that stupid Brit and not me? That's a me and Kiku thing.

So I hate Japanese people.

But not as much as I hate British people.

And Russians.

_Later_

Matt asked me if I wanted to have a study session with him and Francis since we've all got tests coming up in French before spring break. I just told him to leave me alone.

Ok, so I might have thrown in a few choice expletives as well.

And then he told me that I had "misplaced anger" that I need to deal with otherwise I wouldn't enjoy our vacation.

What the fuck is misplaced anger? I don't even have any anger to be misplaced.

I am not fucking angry.

**February 25th  
**  
WHAT THE FUCK.

I can't even. I just- I don't even-

ARGH.

_Later_

Who the fuck pulls shit like that? Honestly. If he wasn't graduating after this semester I'd transfer. I swear to god. The only thing keeping me sane? Knowing he'll be gone in about two months.

_Later_

Ok. I think I'm calm. Well, calmer.

…Yeah, no. Still want to break something.

_Later_

All I have to say is, I can't freaking wait for tomorrow. A whole week- Braginski free. I could cry I'm so happy.

Note to self: Buy a shit load of beer tonight. Oh, and sun screen.

**February 26th  
**  
I don't know who I hate more: Ivan for telling Matthew we're dating, or Matthew for believing him and inviting him to spend spring break with us.  
Fuck. My. Life.

-

Flower Meanings:

baby's breath- love, constancy  
sunflowers- adoration, pure thoughts  
variegated tulip- beautiful eyes  
gardenia- lonely love

(I'd like to think that Ivan put this mismatched bouquet together himself, and that he put a lot of thought into the selection...)

****


	8. February 26th to March 3rd

**Chapter Eight**

**February 26th**

I can't believe that fucking Braginski is going to Florida with us. I also can't believe that my fucking brother believes that we're _dating_. And he's super fucking excited about it, too. He's been going on about double dates for the past half hour. And of course I can't say anything or else Braginski will out me about Arthur. But how long does he think that threat will work? I've got to find dirt on him, that's the only way I'm gonna get out of this mess.

But he's not going to ruin my vacation. I don't care if he's coming to Florida. He's not staying with me that's for sure. I'll kill him in his sleep if he does. He can stay with Gilbert and his friends- Francis's condo isn't all that big anyways. There is _no_ room for creepy Russians in this inn.

I mean, like, he just- UGH! God, I have no one to talk to about this and it's driving me crazy!

Braginski fucking _kidnapped_ me last night! OK? He _kidnapped_ me! He is fucking _crazy_! I'm not even kidding. It was the most terrifying thing ever. And I can't go to security or the police or anything, because he'll fucking black mail me. God, I knew he was crazy but this is just fucked up. I should have seen it coming, though. He is such a freak. I'm surprised he let me out. Next time he'll probably torture me and do away with me a la Hannibal Lecter or something. And he's going to spend fucking spring break with us? God.

So yeah. Last night I just needed some time to myself, so I went for a walk around campus. The campus isn't that big, but it's big enough that it takes about fifteen minutes to walk from my dorm, which is on the far left, to the senior dorms, which are on the opposite side to the far right. I was just walking around, listening to my iPod and minding my own business, when I happened to find myself in front of the senior dorms. Of course I figured that Braginski would be around, lurking in the bushes or something weird like that, so I quickly turned around and headed back towards my dorm building.

And promptly ran into him. Go fucking figure.

Not like I pay attention to these kinds of things, but it's freaking February and he was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. (And his scarf. The freak never takes it off, even inside. Freak.) Anyways. Yeah. Shorts and a t-shirt. Which was really weird. So I told him so.

I just got back from practice," he said. "Did you come to visit me?"

My eye twitched. "No," I said. "What do you mean practice? We're on break, idiot."

"I meant that I just got back from dance practice."

And he said it with such a straight face and I just- oh my god _dance practice_? Was this guy for real? I could just see him in a tutu or some shit like that. So I burst out laughing.

He smiled. "I am glad you find me humorous," he said. "Would you like to come in and watch a movie with me? Since we are dating, I think that that would be appropriate."

I stopped laughing. "Er, no thanks, man. I'm good."

He gave a small chuckle. "It was not really a question," he said cheerfully. "Unless you want me to call Mat-"

"Haha, no, a movie sounds great!" I forced myself to say.

That fucker. He was going to black mail me again! And the only way to stop him from being able to use that against me is to tell Matthew myself, but that would really embarrass Arthur. Not that I care anymore, but, unlike what that stupid Brit thinks, I don't go back on my word. I am a man of _honor, _dammit! Which is why I have to find dirt on this SOB now.

But anyways.

So he made me watch a movie with him. We watched _Forest Gum__p_ of all things. I mean, I personally love that movie, it just didn't strike me as something that he would watch.

I met his roommates, too. Well, two of them anyways. I recognized them from my Economics class: Feliks and Toris. (I guess that explains how Ivan knows Toris...) Anyways, I was glad to see them, since we all know each other and they're relatively normal. (Well, Toris is. I'm pretty sure Feliks was rockin' a pair of girl jeans, but at least he's not a psycho like Braginski my freaky stalker/would-be killer.) I sorta figured that they would keep Braginski from being too weird, but half way through the movie they left.

So it was just me and Braginski. In a dark room. On a couch/futon thingie. Watching Forest Gump. And oh my god, during one of the ping pong scenes he _touched_me. Like, he put his arm around my shoulder. I tried to shrug him off but he just casually picked up his cell phone and smiled at me. I scowled and let him keep his stupid arm where it was, but when he started rubbing it that was a little too gay for me so I got up and went to the bathroom.

And when I came back he had pulled the couch/futon thingie out into a bed. And told me to lay down with him.

It was such a horrifying experience I don't even want to think about it.

So when the movie was over I got up and I was all, "Thanks, that was fun, see ya later," (Translation: "I hate you, that was weird, I hope you get deported.") But he told me that he had enjoyed my company so much that he didn't want me to leave.

"The futon is more than big enough for the two of us to sleep on," he said.

That was where I drew the line. I told him no, that I refused to sleep with him, er, well, on the same bed as him. You know what I mean. So then he threatened to call Matthew so I asked him if we could pretty please compromise because there was no way in hell that I was sharing a bed with him.

He said the only way around it was to fucking kiss him.

Well I wasn't about to do that, so we ended up having a fucking slumber party on his stupid futon/couch thingie.

God, I'm gonna have nightmares about that for the rest of my life.

So I put the cooler between us, that way he can't invade my personal space. Again. I told him if his arm so much as even thinks about touching me I'm going to rip it off and beat him with it. Then Matthew scolded me for being mean and Braginski smiled all triumphantly. Bastard. And he keeps bugging me to play hangman with him.

Doesn't he get that I don't want to play hangman with him? I _want_ to hang him.

_Later_

Oh my _god_ I am so fucking bored and my iPod just died. Fuck. There's like, six more hours of this bullshit to go.

_Later_

Who the fuck gave Francis a fucking Celine Dion CD and why does Matthew know all the words?

_Later_

If they sing _My Heart Will Go On_ one more time…

_Later_

Why can't he just drop it? I am NOT going to play hangman with him!

-

Hangman:

I a m g o i n g t o k i l l y o u.

Y o u  a r e s o c u t e.

D i e!

- - с о-н y x

I d o n' t s p e a k R u s s i a n y o u f r e a k.

P e h a p s o n e d a y I w i l l t e a c h y o u.

Y o u r s e n t e n c e s a r e t o o l o n g t o g u e s s a s s h o l e!

A n d y e t - a m h a v - n g l - t t l e d - f f - c u l t y.

I h a t e y o u. A l o t.

Ivan: 5

Alfred: 1

-

Tic Tac Toe:

Ivan: 17

Alfred: 5

-

I Spy With My Little Eye:

Francis: 15

Matthew: 24

Ivan: 27

Alfred: …8.

-

**February 26th**

I'm never playing games with any of them again. They all cheat. Especially Braginski.

_Later_

I so called shotgun and won! Now Matthew has to sit with Braginski. Finally, some peace.

_Later_

I take it back. Francis is just as bad.

**February 27th**

I AM NOT ROOMING WITH HIM. NO. HELL NO.

_Later_

No one will switch rooms with me. My life is so difficult.

-

_Elizabeta's Hidden Camera Number Four:  
February 27th, 2:47 AM  
Alfred and Ivan's Room_

"Why am I stuck with you?" Alfred moaned as he threw his bags to the floor. "This isn't fair at all."

Ivan set his modest belongings neatly at the foot of the bunk beds. "I am very pleased with the sleeping arrangements," he said pleasantly. "Would you like the top or bottom bunk, самый дорогой? Or we could always share-"

"I call top bunk," Alfred cut him off snidely. "And don't even think of trying anything funny."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Oh, I'm so sure," Alfred snapped as he rummaged around in his bags. He pulled out a clean pair of shorts and started to change. He stopped, shirt half-way off when he realized that Ivan was staring.

"Do you mind?" Alfred asked.

Ivan shook his head no and continued to stare.

Alfred scowled. "Whatever." He turned around and continued to change into his sleepwear, then climbed up to his bunk. "Turn off the lights," he commanded. "And you better not snore."

"Sweet dreams, милочка."

Alfred threw his pillow at him.

-

**February 28th**

I didn't wake up till a little after one. Even though I had to room with Rasputin the Ruski, I still slept pretty good. I'm still pissed no one would trade rooms with me, though. And Gilbert's condo really _is_ bigger than Francis's- I seriously wouldn't have minded sleeping at the foot of Elizabeta and Feliciano's bed, but Elizabeta refused to let me. Actually, she was pretty adamant about me sleeping in my "assigned room" as she put it. Crazy woman.

(Why is Feliciano sleeping in a bed with her? What about the security guard guy at school?)

Anyways, by the time I got up everyone else had already headed down to the beach. Everyone except for Braginski, that is. I thought he had been waiting for me to wake up, but when I went on the front porch he didn't even notice me. I guess he was just really caught up in staring out at the ocean. I can't blame him; we're on the third story and there's only one row of beach houses in front of us so the view is pretty awesome.

The weather down here is great- it's about 85 degrees right now with no clouds in sight, but that freak was still wearing his scarf. I've never really thought much of it. I mean, it is still cold back home, and tons of people wear scarves in the winter. But he had to be sweltering in it, so I asked him why he still had it on.

"I didn't see you there," he said instead of answering. "I have been watching the ocean since sunrise. Did you know you can see the dolphins from up here?" He sounded so excited I almost wanted to ask him if he'd never seen a dolphin before, but I really didn't feel like striking up a conversation with him so I didn't.

"Whatever. I'm gonna get something to eat. Don't follow me around today."

And for once, he didn't. Actually, he stayed on the front porch for the majority of the afternoon. I went out with Matt and Francis to get a late lunch and do some shopping (Their idea, not mine.) and when I got back, he was still sitting there, but now he had a book about water mammals. He smiled that big creepy smile he always has plastered on his face when he saw us walking up the stairs and started spouting out random facts about water mammals to us.

"Did you know that the snout of a porpoise is call-

[Ink smudge]

_One minute later  
_  
Gilbert just threw a water balloon at me. He is dead.

_Later_

Putt putt golf was pretty fun! It was even more fun when Braginski accidentally hit Gilbert in the back of the head with his golf ball. Gilbert attempted to chase after him with his pink golf club, but Braginski just smiled and apologized cheerfully. Evidently Gilbert hadn't expected that and practically cowered and hid behind that piano guy, Roderich. Speaking of him, he is such a snob. I mean, he's cool and all, but damn does he have a superiority complex. And I just can't figure him out. Is he with Gilbert or Elizabeta? I asked him who he was with, and they both said "me!"  
So if that's the case, mad props. Even if he's kind of a bitch, the man's a pimp. And I totally respect that.

And oh yeah, we had dinner at a Japanese Steak House. It was pretty good. Except for the part where Braginski tried to feel me up when he pretended that he had dropped his chopsticks in my lap. I wound up stabbing his hand with mine. Most use I've ever gotten out of those stupid Asian utensils my entire life. Makes me wonder what Kiku is up to. I should text him. Even if I am still mad about the whole WalMart thing.

-

hows ur SB goin? :D

good ^_^ i'm staying with Heracles and his family in SC*

thats cool. No wut art is up 2?

no… he didn't say. Sorry. ;^;

oh ok :/

why don't you call him?

I AM NOT CALLING THAT JERK.:(

._. o-ok…

-

**March 1st**

Dude I don't even remember last night.

I think I'm still drunk.

_Later  
_  
This is why I don't play drinking games with Gilbert. Or Antonio. Or Feliciano for that matter. I've been nursing a hangover all afternoon. Luckily Braginski has been refreshingly MIA all day and I am not going to complain. I bet he's outside staring at the fish again, weirdo. Gonna go take a shower in a bit and head down to the beach. There's gonna be some big community bonfire/music festival thing tonight. Should be cool.

_Later_

Ah dude, Matt never told me he smoked pot! Man that was some… just, man. I swear to god my heart beat to the tune of the national anthem. Or something. I don't know. I learned a lot more French, too. It was pretty cool. But Matthew was such a loser, wouldn't let me roll. Said I'd spill it everywhere. I didn't stay mad for very long though, cause now I have pictures of Francis stuffing his face. Perfect blackmail Material? I think so.  
More later, met this cool dude named Sven and he said he'd show me how to make a bong out of a Coke can.

_Later_

Just had the most epic jam session with Antonio. Didn't know he could play the guitar. And Feliciano joined in with a random bucket he found and some spatulas from Francis's kitchen. Roderich even played some shit on his keyboard. Gilbert wanted to join in so Elizabeta gave him some spoons. I think she was making fun of him, but he rocked it.

_Later_

Dude. Dude. Why am I writing this? But yeah. Ivan came up with the coolest idea ever. He is so cool. I'm gonna let him write down his really cool idea. I think it's about how we're gonna defeat Natalia with our giant army that we're gonna have really soon. Except like, me and Feliciano totally bonded. He was really being all sad over our body guard. No, I mean our security guard. Cause he had to work, he couldn't come with us. So he told me he was really sad, and I have great ideas so I told him not to be sad, because I am like, a hero, so I make things all better, but I really miss Arthur, too. Like, if he was here I would make him smoke a joint and then he wouldn't be mad anymore because it's stupid to be angry, you know?

Man, this ink is really blue.

**March 2nd**

The bon fire was awesome. I think. Actually, I was pretty drunk by the time the bonfire rolled around to be completely honest. Oh what the fuck, why am I up? I'm going back to bed.

_Later_

I knew I should have just stayed in bed. I just walked in on my brother. And Francis. I mean, it's not like I was walking into their room without knocking. They were in the bathroom.

And people are not supposed to make-out in the bathroom. And if you do, you're supposed to lock the door. God.

_Later_

Everyone else has already gone to bed, and here I am sitting on the beach at fucking three o'clock in the morning writing with a little book lamp.  
But I like it out here. There's always been something about the ocean at night- the quiet, the calm, the endlessness- sometimes I just get caught up in it. But for some reason tonight it's more difficult than usual to differentiate between the actual stars and their reflections. Maybe I'm just a little higher than I thought, (might have stole the rest of Gilbo's stash…) but either way I've been staring out at it, trying to find the horizon- trying to find where the blackness of the ocean ends and the blackness of the s-

**March 3rd**

What the fuck was I going on about last night? Whatever. I've got a morther fuckin sunburn and it hurts like a bitch. Matthew doesn't even have a sunburn. Course, he's a weirdo and wore a shirt most of the time, but whatever. I don't care if I got burnt. The world needed to see my beautiful body.

Except now I'm stuck sitting under the umbrella watching my gay friends be gay with each other. Couldn't they at least move out of my line of vision before they proceed to feel each other up in the ocean?

Wait, never mind. Hot chicks tanning topless to my left. Sweet.

_Later_

Oh my god. Lovino just threw a conch shell at Antonio and it hit him in the _face_. That was priceless.

_Later_

I knew Braginski wouldn't leave me alone for long.

"Are you enjoying yourself even though you foolishly forgot to protect your skin and will now most likely get skin cancer?" he asked.

"How did I know you were going to come and bother me?" I asked dryly, preferring to watch Matthew fail miserably at beach volleyball than look at Braginski's ugly mug.

He didn't say anything for a while and I thought (hoped, really) that he'd gone to bother someone else until I felt him sit down next to me, on my beach towel. He handed me a beer and took a swig of his own drink, which was probably three parts vodka, one part steroids.

"I've really enjoyed this trip," he said quietly.

"I'm really happy for you," I said sarcastically.

"Usually," he continued, "usually I have to stay at school over spring break along with the other international students and that's always quite lonely. I've really enjoyed this opportunity to hangout with you and the others."

I didn't really know what to say to that. I guess in a way I did kind of feel bad for him. I mean, weirdness aside he isn't really that bad a guy. Not that I'd tell him that. I don't know, maybe it was the couple beers I'd already had, but I was kinda nice to him after that.

I guess throwing him a bone didn't hurt anything.

"You're not so bad when you're not, you know, following me around all the time," I said. "I bet you'd make plenty of friends if you'd quit being so weird."

He smiled. "I have been trying to 'give you some space,' as they say," he explained. "I was told that that is good for maintaining healthy relationships."

I yelled at him for acting all gay but he cut me off by saying that I was cute when I was trying to give advice. Then he gave my back a 'friendly' slap and I definitely did _not_ cry because it's not like he hit my sunburn or anything.

_Later_

Tonight's the last night we're here so naturally we got a keg and invited over a bunch of people we don't even know. Sometimes I freakin _love_ Francis.

-

_Elizabeta's Hidden Camera Number Four:  
March 4th, 1:56 AM  
Alfred and Ivan's Room_

Alfred stumbled into the room, tripping on a pair of wayward sneakers and almost dragging Ivan, who was attempting to hold him up, down with him. Alfred laughed.

"You are definitely not the chick I was making out with earlier," the American stated matter-of-factly.

Ivan narrowed his eyes. "You were making out with someone?"

Alfred tried to stand up properly but Ivan held on tight, not evening moving to sit him down on the bed.

"Well yeah," Alfred said. "I make out with lots of people. All the time. Cause I'm awesome like that. You don't even know, man."

Ivan frowned. "No, I don't. Perhaps you should show me, да?"

Alfred tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a snort. "Dude, _dude_, are you coming on to me? I'm not gay, man." He pushed against the taller man and Ivan released him. Alfred fell back on the bed, almost hitting his head on the top bunk's railing.

Alfred let his head fall back onto the mattress and sighed, closing his eyes. "This isn't my bed," he mumbled.

Ivan smiled. "I know."

-

Translations:

подсолнух - sunflower (from the hangman game)  
самый дорогой - dearest  
милочка - darling  
**  
**


	9. March 4th to 11th

**Nine**

**March 4th**

Why am I the only one with a hangover? And why is Braginski looking at me like that? All... doe-eyed and sparkly. It's weird as fuck.  
Ugh. Need aspirin. I'm switching cars. This one is too loud.

_Later  
_  
Ok switching cars was a bad idea. I am now sitting in the Minivan of Doom. I honestly don't know how Roderich puts up with them. Gilbert is bitching because Feliciano won shotgun so now he has to sit next to "the transvestite bitch from hell" aka Elizabeta, who by this time should be hitting him with something, but she's got her headphones on and she's too busy giggling at whatever is on her laptop. Sitting behind her makes me kind of nervous. At least Antonio and Lovino are asleep. I'd so draw on their faces if I had a sharpie.

_Later_

I just found a sharpie under the seat!

_Later_

So I just peeked over Elizabeta's seat because she won't stop cackling at whatever is on her computer and I really wanted to know what she was laughing at but I'm really regretting it right now.

Must. Erase. From. Memory.

Must. Not. Thi- OH MY GAWD THEY HAD SEX IN THE SHOWER. I FUCKING TOOK SHOWERS IN THERE AND FUCKING ANTONIO AND LOVINO FUCKING FORNICATED IN THERE OH MY GAWD AND I'M SITTING NEXT TO THEM. CAR SWITCH NOW.

_Later_

Stupid Roderich won't pull off. He says it's a waste of time to stop if we don't have to. Well screw him. He is no longer a pimp in my eyes.

_Later_

Wait. How did Elizabeta get that video of them doing it? I can't see Lovino letting her record them… unless…

Did she fucking spy on them?

_Later_

Oh my god what if she spied on me?

_Later_

Wait I didn't do anything so it doesn't matter.

…I'm still gonna see what she's watching now though. Just, you know, to make sure she didn't invade my privacy or anything.

_-_

Elizabeta's Hidden Camera Number Four:  
March 4th, 2:04 AM  
Alfred and Ivan's Room

-

Alfred was half asleep, one arm and leg haphazardly strewn over Ivan's torso.

"Are you comfortable, любовь?" Ivan asked quietly, pushing a few locks of hair out of the shorter man's face. Alfred gave a small "mmm" in response and heaved a great sigh. "'S nice 'n warm," he mumbled, face flushed with alcohol induced contentedness.

Ivan smiled and placed a tiny kiss at his temple. Alfred wrinkled his nose. "Quit it, 'm sleepin'" he said.

Ivan settled his head against the pillow and drew Alfred closer, resting the American's head on his chest. He closed his eyes and began to rub slow circles on the other's back.

"Я Мне бы хотелось всегда так тебя обнимать…"

-

March 4th

The good news: I screamed so loud Roderich almost hit the car next to us . He made me get out so I don't have to sit next to the shower fornicators anymore.

The bad news: I'm sitting next to Braginski again and it would be considered murder in the first degree if I were to kill him right now. But I really, really want to.

Ugh. I can't believe we… we fucking cuddled.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

**March 5th**

People on my shit list:  
5. Taylor Swift  
4. Sarah Palin  
3. Braginski  
2. Arthur  
1. Kiku

And you wanna know why Kiku is on my shit list? It's not because he sings fairy princess songs or shoots wolves or stalks me or hates me for no reason. No. It's much worse than that.

Kiku Honda has committed the most horrible crime ever.

He played video games with _Arthur_ of all people while I was gone. As if it wasn't bad enough he went to WalMart with that stupid Brit. Arthur doesn't even _like_video games! So what the hell? I bet he's just trying to make nice with Kiku to piss me off. Well fine. Two can play at that game.  
How hard could it be to befriend Arthur's homies?

Later

Alfred F. Jones Super Awesome Plan of Awesomeness:

1. Tell Mattie about Arthur, and make sure to make it seem like it's all Arthur's fault so he doesn't get mad at me.  
2. Tell everyone that Braginski and I are NOT gay together.  
3. Because we're NOT dammit.  
4. Tell Natalia that I will help her win over Braginski, so long as it doesn't involve me communicating with him in any way, shape, or form.  
5. Tell Braginski everything I did and then get a restraining order ASAP.  
6. Steal all of Arthur's friends and leave him all alone and blue and see how much HE likes not having any friends.  
7. Not that I don't have any friends. Just- Oh you know what I mean.

-

A note Matthew found pinned to his bulletin board:

Sup Bro-  
I just wanted to let ya know that Arthur never really hated you. He's just, uh, well, you see- the thing is- -well actually- see what had happened was- Arthur really actually- he never- Well what I'm trying to say is that Braginski is a really really big douche bag and we're not dating so don't listen to anything he says, ok? He's a big fat liar.  
-Al

-

**March 5th**

Ok so I didn't exactly tell Mattie the truth, but he'll trust me, he always does. So the note I left him was good enough.

_Later_

Time for dinner! Now I'm going to set everything straight.

(Haha set things straight, get it?)

_Later_

That didn't go according to plan at ALL. As soon as everyone was sitting down- except Braginski. Don't know where he was, but I don't really care either- Anyways, as soon as everyone had started to eat I announced to everyone that Braginski and I were NOT dating and that we had NEVER dated.

And then Tino just gave me this weird look. "But didn't you spend spring break with him?" He asked. "Francis told me you guys were all over each other."

GOD DAMMIT. Does everyone know about that? I mean, not that we were all over each other. Because we weren't. And cuddling doesn't count. And I just- UGH. It's not like I could have punched him out for spouting such nonsense. Berwald would have wiped the floor with my face.

So I just stormed out to think. Matthew calles it skulking, but I do NOT skulk.

_Later_

God dammit Matthew is mad at me. I went to Francis's room to see if he could help me with French but he wasn't there, so I asked Matt to help me but he wouldn't let me in his room. I knocked on his door for awhile, thinking maybe he had his headphones on, until he yelled at me to go away.

What the fuck?

-

A note Matthew shoved under Al's door quite forcefully:

_Alfred-  
I can't believe how self-centered you are. Why would you lie to me like that? Arthur isn't a homophobe, you jerk. He just told me so himself! And how could you be so heartless to poor Ivan? You need to stop telling everyone you're not together. You're really hurting his feelings.  
-Matthew_

-

**March 5th**

Fuck Matthew. I am so not self-centered.

_Later_

And I'm not fucking dating Braginski!

_Later_

Ugh and I still need help with my fucking French homework.

**March 6th**

So yeah. Yesterday was a complete disaster. And to make matters worse, Mom is now refusing to give me anymore money. She says I'll have to get a job if I want more cash. Screw you, Mom. How am I supposed to do that when I've got basketball?

Ugh. I'm going back to bed. I can't deal with this right now.

So much for doing homework…

_Later_

My life just keeps getting crappier and crappier. I'm not even kidding. On a scale of one to ten, the crappiness level of my life is probably 100.

After practice today I ran into Gilbert. Aside from the fact that he doesn't even _go_ to school here so he really had no excuse to be here, he was a complete jerk-off and thought it would be funny to crack a joke about me and Braginski. Of course I flipped him the bird, but before I could say anything, fucking Natalia flew out of fucking nowhere and lunged at me.

Bitch called me a 'brazen hussy' and chased after me with a fucking Swiss Army knife.

Needless to say I ran behind the gym and hid in the men's locker room until I figured she'd given up on chasing me, or had at least moved on to look elsewhere. I went to the basketball court to shoot some hoops and clear my mind, and just as I was about to shoot from the free throw line, Braginski decided to make an appearance.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"I heard Natalia outside so I was hiding," he said, looking around nervously. "Is she gone now?"

I rolled my eyes and took a shot. "Obviously," I said. "Seeing as I'm not dead. So feel free to leave."

The ball rolled back to me and I picked it up.

He smiled. "But this would be perfect for some alone time, da?" he asked. "Just you and me, having fun together."

"Yeah, I'll pass," I said.

He stopped smiling, and suddenly we were face to face. "I am growing tired of your little games, Alfred," he whispered.

I took a step back. He was way too close for comfort. "I don't know what you're talking about." I choked a little, probably on spit or something, but it wasn't like I stuttered or anything.

He started to dribble the ball, lazily passing it back and forth between his legs. When had he gotten the ball? I stepped forward and tried to get it from him, but in half a second he'd turned around, boxing me out before I could even blink. He stepped back to the three point line.

"I do not understand why you insist on being difficult," he said. He'd gone back to dribbling the ball again, and the echo bouncing off the walls was almost like a pulse. It was freaking me out.

"I wish you would stop telling everyone all these lies about us not being a couple; it's really starting to hurt my feelings," he said. "You and I are together and nothing is going to change that, da?"

He bent his knees and took a shot. I jumped up and grabbed the ball out of the air. "You are seriously messed up in the head," I said. "I don't like you. I've never liked you. Leave me the fuck alone!"

He laughed. "Have you forgotten that if you deny me, I will simply tell Matthew about Arthur?"

I grinned. "Oh, yeah. About that. I already told him what happened, so you can't use that against me anymore."

And with that, I turned towards the basket. But just as I was about to shoot, he swung his leg out and tripped me. I almost fell, and out of reflex grabbed the front of his shirt to catch my balance. He grinned and grabbed my wrists and knocked my feet out from under me again. I growled and tried to push back, but it was too late- we both fell.

"I won," he said, pinning me down.

"Won _what_?" I spat. "Let me go!"

His grin just grew larger and he leaned down. I thought he was going to try and pull something weird, so I turned my face away.

"Don't you see, Alfred?" he asked in a mock-innocent voice. "It doesn't matter that I can no longer blackmail you. There are other ways. I would be very careful if I were you- If I cannot manipulate you, then I may be forced to use more drastic methods, da?"

I laughed. "Oh, like what? Keeping me on a leash?"

Then he fucking purred and nuzzled my neck. God, I wanted to throw up.

"Mmm," he whispered, "Don't give me ideas."

And that was when I got an idea.

"Hey, Braginski," I said, trying to get his attention.

He looked up at me. "Hmm?"

And that was when I head-butted him and got the fuck out of there.

…Only to promptly run into Arthur. He looked like he'd been standing outside the gym for awhile and when he saw me, it looked like he wanted to say something.

"Just shut up, Arthur," I said before he could insult me or make a snide remark; I was in no mood to fight with him.

"Fine, be a git!" he shouted after me, face red. "It's not like I wanted to talk to you anyways!"

Whatever. I just _bet_ he wanted to talk to me. More like he wanted to be a dick.

Well I'm not going to feel bad for yelling at him. He's been a complete asshole to me. Stupid asshole.

_Later_

Stupid asshole that I miss like crazy.

**March 7th**

I can't take this anymore. Things have gone way too far and for the first time in my life, I seriously don't know what to do.

-

A poster hanging in the cafeteria that was, unfortunately, too high up for Alfred to rip down:

(heart) CONGRATS ALFRED AND IVAN! (heart)

(heart) HAPPY (almost) ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY! (heart)

-

**March 9th**

Dude. That saying? The one about how when you hit rock bottom things can only get better? (Or something like that.) Well it's totally true. Turns out, there's a Goddess of Mercy. A sexy, totally awesome goddess of mercy.

Up yours Braginski. I've got a fucking exotic girlfriend. I told you I'm not gay, you freak.

Ok so I haven't asked her out yet but I know she'll say yes. I just don't want to, you know, seem desperate or anything. But she's totally in to me.

_Later_

Oh yeah. Her name is Maria Santos.

_Later_

So yesterday I just needed to get away for a while. And since the last time I wandered around campus I wound up getting kidnapped, I decided to take a walk around town instead. I figured I'd look for a part time job too, since Mom is being really serious about the 'no more money' thing.

Anyways, I was walking down Third Street when this douche bag with stupid dreadlocks I used to have class with was harassing this super hot chick. Of course I wasn't just going to stand back and just let it happen. Cause, you know, not only am I extremely good-looking and super awesome, but I'm also a hero.

So, like any good hero would do, I stepped in and saved her. I told him to back off, and that he had no right to treat such a beautiful woman that way. He flipped me the bird and stormed off (which was actually kind of surprising, I was expecting him to try to hit me but whatever) and then I asked her if she was ok and she totally swooned and thanked me for saving her life.

"How can I ever repay you?" she asked. (By the way, her boobs are HUGE.)

"Don't you worry about it, miss. I just couldn't stand back and watch that asshole bully you," I said, so suave I'd have put Francis to shame.

And then we just started talking and we wound up walking around town together all afternoon. Turns out she goes to the same college as me, but I've never seen her around before. It's probably because we've got different majors. She told me what hers is but I forgot. It's not really all that important anyways.

The important thing is I have a sexy chick who is totally head over heels for me. I would just LOVE to see what Braginski and the rest of the school has to say about THAT.

Wait I guess that means I should ask her out first.

Eh, whatever. I'll just do it over facebook.

-

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones** is in a relationship with **Maria Santos**.  
1 person likes this.  
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**Tino Väinämöinen** WHAT?

**Francis Bonnefoy** my little Matieu's frère is quite the player ;)

**Kiku Honda** Congratulations, Alfred. But I thought you were dating Ivan?

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones** stfu you guys i'm not gay. and she's amazing, can't wait for u guys to meet her :D

**Maria Santos** you're too cute querido~ ;)

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones** idk what that means but same 2 u babe ;)

-

**March 10th**

So I'm on academic probation and Matthew is still not talking to me but whatever. I've got a hot date tonight.

_Later_

Shit. Make that a hot date tonight that I can't afford. Fuck. Why do Matthew and Arthur have to be douche bags when I need them?

_Later_

Bummed some money off of this one Chinese dude, Yao. I've had some classes with him and I hangout with him on occasion, so he was pretty cool about it. Of course I'm gonna pay him back. But he totally understood once I told him it was for a date.

I really am going to get a job though. I swear.

_Later_

Ok, not that I'm complaining, but it's kind of weird that Braginski hasn't come storming into my room by now. I mean, first he's all, "RAWR I OWN YOU." And now he's all… Not. Hasn't anyone told him I'm dating Maria yet? Not that I want him to come crashing into my room I just… was really expecting it, you know? Kinda makes me nervous.

Maybe he finally gave up?

**March 11th**

Damn. Last night was so fun. I asked her where she wanted to go for dinner and do you know what she said? McDonalds! Fucking _McDonald's_! And when the manager told me I had to leave (guess he's still pissed at me) she talked him out of kicking me out. I think I'm in love. And she likes all the same stuff I do. It's crazy. I know this sounds sappy, and I know I've only known her for like, two days, but I really feel like I'm, I don't know, connected to her, you know?

_Later_

That sounded kind of gay.

But whatever.

-

From: Alfred Jones  
To: Natalia Arlovskaya  
Subject: truce?

Hey-  
I know you think I'm dating Braginski or whatever, but I just wanted to let you know that that's totally not true. I've got a girlfriend, so you have nothing to worry about, ok?  
And if you want, I'll even hook you up with him, ok?  
So please stop trying to kill me every time you see me. It's really creepy.  
-Alfred

From: Natalia Arlovskaya  
To: Alfed Jones  
Subject: Never.

I will never believe your lies. I know that you have seduced my dearest Ivan somehow, and I will not rest until I rid the earth of your filth, you tramp.  
However, if there is somehow truth in what you have said, you must promise to never speak to him again.

From: Alfred Jones  
To: Natalia Arlovskaya  
Subject: Re: Never.

You got yourself a promise!

From: Natalia Arlovskaya  
To: Alfred Jones  
Subject: (none)  
For your sake, you'd best hope so.  
Good day, Alfred. Please do not contact me anymore.

-

**March 11th**

I was waiting for Maria outside the library a few hours ago, when I remembered that I had to pick up some test scores from my PO box. I went to the post office, and my heart almost stopped when I saw Braginski. He didn't notice me though, so I just tried to hide behind the fake tree next to the entrance until he left.

He stood there for a while though, reading a letter he had received. It made me think of the last time he had gotten mail and I wondered if he'd throw this one away as well. He did, but this time he ripped it up a few times first. And when he walked out the door, I swear I saw tears in his eyes.

What the fuck kind of grown man cries?

Whatever. At least he didn't notice me.

_Later_

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I fished that letter out of the trashcan again and pieced it back together. I don't know what I did it. I guess I was just curious. But of course I couldn't read it; I don't speak Russian and none of it was in English this time.

Whatever. I don't care. That was a complete waste of time.

_Later_

Shit. I forgot all about Maria. I bet she's pissed now…

-

Translations:  
любовь- love  
Мне бы хотелось всегда так тебя обнимать- I wish that you would always let me hold you like this...

**Notes:** Maria is Venezuela, and for those of you who don't know, Venezuela is on really good terms with Cuba. Alvarez is Cuba. Also, don't take everything Al says to heart; he likes to exaggerate...


	10. March 12th to 17th

**Chapter Ten**

**March 12th**

Ah, man. Maria is the coolest. She didn't mind at all that I sort of forgot all about her yesterday, said that it happens to everyone. Why can't all girls be like her? She even sent me a good morning text, asking if I wanted to get burgers with her tomorrow afternoon- her treat!

I am in such a good mood, the fact that I have back-to-back basketball practice and math class with the Russian Richard Ramirez can't even get me down.

_Later_

I take it back. Braginski can ruin anyone's good day. I got my trig test back… Made a 13/45. Which is sort of… not a passing grade. And as if it's not bad enough that my coach and my mom will be on my case about my grades, fucking Braginski, who I thought had stopped bothering me, just had to lean over my desk. And when he saw my grade he laughed and said that I was stupid. I told him to shut up before I shoved my T9-84 calculator up his ass. He said that that was a stupid thing to say, because calculators don't belong there. And that was when I snapped my mechanical pencil in two.

As if things couldn't get any worse, he followed me after class.

"This subject may be too much for your feeble mind to comprehend, but passing this class is mandatory if you wish to graduate," he said as I kept walking, obviously ignoring him. (Even though I wasn't, since I knew what he was saying, but whatever.) "Come by my room after dinner and I will tutor you, da?"

I flipped him the bird and kept walking. He laughed and said he'd see me at six.

As if.

_Later_

I swear to god I am going to murder my math teacher. And Coach. My fucking professor told my coach about my math grade, who just bitched me out about it in the DH, in front of everyone, saying that if my grades weren't better, then I'd be sitting the bench next season, too. Which was a serious low blow, considering the only reason I had to sit the bench most of _this_ season was because Braginski tried to kill me.

Anyways, Braginski, fucking unhelpful as usual, told Coach not to worry, because he's a fucking genius and he's got a fucking A in math and he can fucking shit gold so he, out of the kindness of his creepy little black heart, has offered to tutor me.

Coach said that if I didn't go then I'd be off the team. And that look on Braginski's face? That look of absolute triumph? I can't help but wonder if he wasn't the one to tip Coach off about my grades instead of my teacher. Wouldn't put it past him.

Either way, it doesn't matter. Bastard is back to trying to manipulate me.

Well I've had enough. I'll play his little game; I'll pretend to go along with it. But I'm only doing it to get some dirt on him. If I hang out with him a few times, I'm bound to learn something interesting, aren't I?

**March 13th**

That… was completely unexpected.

Last night at six o'clock sharp I knocked at his door reluctantly. Toris (who for some reason was looking really nervous) answered and seemed more than a little relieved to see me. Actually, as soon as he let me in, he grabbed Eduward and Feliks and left. I practically begged them not to leave, but Toris wouldn't stop running and Feliks just shrugged, laughed, and apologized.

In other words, those bastards- no, those cowards, left me alone with Braginski on purpose. Well whatever. It's not like I hadn't been through worse. I sighed and thought about leaving, but I really didn't feel like pushing my luck with Coach, so I just kicked at his door a few times. "Let's get this over with," I said, kicking his door once more for good measure.

After a few moments, he finally opened it. He smiled at me and ushered me in, acting as normal (well, normal for him, anyways) as usual, but I could tell that something was off. He seemed slower, more mellow than usual.

And that was when I noticed the near-empty bottle of Smirnoff on his desk.

"Did you drink all that just now?" I asked.

"Da," he said, smiling lazily.

"…Does that mean yes?"

"Da."

I snorted. "Whatever. I'm leaving. Can't fucking tutor me when you're drunk off your ass."

I turned to leave but he had quickly stepped forward, shutting the door from behind me. "You are not going anywhere," he whispered into my ear, his arm trapping me between the door and his stupid gigantor body.

I turned to the side a bit, trying to push him off, but he grabbed me by both my arms and threw me into the chair at his desk.

"I learned something very interesting today, dorogoy," he said. (Whatever the fuck that means.)

I guess he was waiting for me to say something, but since I just kept glaring, he continued. "An acquaintance of mine has told me that you recently went on a date with someone," he said.

"Yeah, and?"

He stopped smiling. "That someone was not me," he stated.

"Well yeah. I already told you that I don't like you," I said. "What does it take to get that through your stupid thick skull? Hell, I don't even like you as a friend."

"I will give you until Friday to breakup with this Maria Santos girl, da?" He sounded like his usual cheerful self, but the look in his eyes was almost deadly.

"You can't tell me what to-"

"I have already told you that you do not want to test me, Alfred," he said loudly.

We were both quiet after that, and after a moment he changed the subject. "Get your last test out," he said quietly. "We'll go over that first."

Reluctantly, I took my trig notebook out of my book bag, but something else fell out as well, landing face-up on his desk. It was the letter he had gotten Monday, a little worse for wear after having spent the past few days at the bottom of my bag.

I tried to snatch it up before he noticed it, but it was already too late. By the time I reached for it he was already holding it.

His hands shook. "Why do you have this?" he asked.

I stood up and grabbed my stuff. "I don't know," I said, completely embarrassed. "I'm leaving, forget it. I don't care if you tell Coach I skipped out on studying."

"Do you want to know what it says?" he asked.

I scoffed. "Like hell. I don't care about your stupid letters."

He smiled. "And yet you took the time to piece it back together, even though you cannot understand what it says."

I pushed past him and reached for the door, but he grabbed the cuff of my sleeve. I stared at him, expecting him to say something creepy or do something weird, but he didn't. He just stood there, clutching my sleeve so tightly his shaking knuckles turned white. "Please don't leave," he whispered, voice almost desperate. "It would be nice to have someone… that I could talk to about this with. I would like… for you to listen…"

And I don't know why I did it, but he just looked so damn pitiful, so I just nodded, leaned against the door, and listened. And by the end of the  
night, he had told me the whole story.

-

Ivan's letters:

_Dear Katyusha,  
I hope this letter finds you in good health. How are things with Uncle Ioseb? Are you still living with him or have you found a place of your own? I know you said that you had been hoping to move out before spring. Please keep me updated; if you need any help let me know. I am waiting for my student work visa; it should be here before summer starts, though it will do me little good if I am not accepted into the American Ballet Theater. But if I am, and you have yet to find new living arrangements, I would like for you to come and stay with me, if you could.  
I miss you terribly; you must know that if I had had a say in the matter, I would not have left you. I wish for us to live together again, as a family. I promise that you will not have to worry about a thing; I will always take care of you, syestra. Even if I do not get accepted, there are other options. Perhaps we could leave Zaraysk and move to St. Petersburg. It is always lovely in the summer, though I would miss it here.  
I have grown quite fond of America. I am counting down the days till the air grows warmer. Perhaps this year I will even get to see the ocean! I hope so; just the other day one of my teammates was telling us how much he enjoys the beaches on the East coast. If I ever see it, I know that I will want you to be there as well._

I am very pleased to see that you have taken an interest in learning English as well; it is a surprisingly useful tool and a simple language to master. I am sure that you will have little difficulty in your studies. As requested, here is a short message in English for you. I am not sure what else there is to say though.

School is going very well. My senior thesis recital is next month. We will be performing Vesna svyashchennaya. It is coming together quite nicely. I wish that you could see it, but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future. As I have already said, I am enjoying my stay in the States. Basketball is going very well this year and I have made many new friends. There is one in particular that I wish you could meet. His name is Alfred. He is not very bright, but he is a very charismatic and interesting individual. He does not care much for the opinions of others, a trait I greatly admire but all too often find lacking in others.

I wish to continue to get to know him; perhaps one day you will get to meet him. He is very friendly; I just know that you would get along. To be completely honest, he is the only reason that I stuck with basketball. I do not know why I did that when I ought to be spending more time in the studio. But it couldn't be helped. For some reason I am just… inexplicably drawn to him. I find this unbelievably frustrating at times as he is possibly the most idiotic creature that ever walked the earth, but I cannot help finding his presence… necessary.  
I don't know why I've let this letter run off on tangent, forgive me. As I said before, if there is anything you need, please don't hesitate to tell me. I will always be here for you, syestra.

Love,  
Vanya

**Ivan,  
How many times must I tell you? Stop contacting Katyusha. She is no longer your concern, and you have no one to blame but yourself for that.  
-Nicoloz**

_My Dearest Vanya,  
I am sorry that it took me so long to reply, but I have been very busy. Please don't ever think that I don't care; I love you more than anyone in the world. But things have not been going well and so last month… Last month I moved in with Nicoloz. You remember him, don't you? We've been dating for a while now, and will be married in June._

I hope that one day we can all work things out, but for now I think it would be best if you just concentrated on your future. Make Uncle Ioseb proud, alright? Don't worry about me; I will be just fine. I am glad to hear that you are enjoying America. Perhaps one day I will get to see it with you. Until then, I think it best that we went our separate ways.

I love you so much little brother.  
Katyusha

-

**March 13th**

Braginski's family fucking SUCKS. What the fuck. He's got some abusive hard-ass Commie uncle and a stupid sister! Here he is, trying his best to help his sister out, and how does she repay him? By moving in with her stupid boyfriend who doesn't want her to talk to him for some fucking stupid ass reasons. I get that he's pissed at Braginski sine Kat- whatever her name is- got stuck with the evil uncle, but it's not like he could help it! Anyways, it was a good opportunity for Braginski! Any good sister would see that. Any good sister would want that! But no. What does she do? She agrees with her douche bag boyfriend!

Does she know how fucking _lonely_ he is? That he's fucking cried over this? Does she think he would have just left her for the hell of it? No. Of course not. As a sibling, she ought to want what's best for her brother. She should be proud of him, and ashamed of herself for being so fucking weak.

Man, fuck her. Braginski is fucking tough as nails.

...Still the world's biggest freak, though.

But… I feel horrible for him. I can't imagine what that must be like, being all alone. Sure my family has its issues, but even though my parents got divorced, I've never felt alone. I've always had friends and family to lean on. And here Ivan is, trying his hardest, and he's all alone in the world. What the hell kind of sister tells him to stop contacting her? That, that just-

But if he thinks that I'm going to dump Maria for him then he's crazy. For all I know this could just be some sympathy-vote conspiracy!

Like I'd fall for that.

-

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones** went from being in a relationship to being single.  
17 people like this.

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones** u all suck.

-

**March 13th**

So… Maria and I broke up. But it wasn't because of Braginski or anything stupid like that.

We met up at McDonald's for lunch. Everything was going great, as usual, but she seemed a little distracted. Which is weird for her, because usually she's completely attentive. But today she kept playing with her hair and sighing and looking around and frowning and she hadn't even touched her Big Mac.

"Wassa matter?" I asked, swallowing five fries at once.

Her frown deepened. "There's something I need to tell you," she said.

I put my burger down and gave her my full attention, which is something I only ever do for the Super Bowl and zombie video games. "What is it?" I asked, frowning.

"I just… I can't do this anymore, Al," she said, not quite meeting my eye. "I feel bad, using you like this."

I was so shocked to hear that, I couldn't even take a sip of my extra large Coke to get rid of that annoying piece of lettuce stuck in my teeth. I just frowned at her, confused.

"That day you saw me with Alvarez, he wasn't hurting me or anything… We were just fighting. For a while now I've thought that he was cheating on me. I figured that if I gave him a taste of his own medicine then he'd realize what he'd done, and come back to me…"

I just stared at her.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and had to pick the piece of lettuce out with my fingers, which was gross, but at least I felt better.

And then, what she said hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You're breaking up with me?" I asked incredulously. (Isn't that such a cool word?)

She looked down. "Y-yeah… It was wrong of me to use you like this; I'm sorry…"

I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda bummed. I'd really thought she might be the one, you know? Plus, she got me back into McDonald's. And she really helped to reinforce the whole "I'm not gay" thing. Not to mention. Ew. That Cuban dude over me?

But whatever, her lose not mine.

That was until I remembered a tiny detail. A tiny six foot something detail with a big nose and stalker tendencies.

There was no way in hell I was going to let him think that I had broken up with Maria because he had said so. Not that I did, but still, he would see it that way and get that creepy smile on his face and try to hug me or something freaky like that.

So I told her that it was no big deal, and if she wanted we could still pretend to be dating to make Alvarez jealous, but she said that it was alright, I didn't have to, and now I'm pissed because she even broke up with me on facebook and now everyone knows, which means that Braginski probably knows now too. Fuck my life.

**March 14th**

Matt talked to me today, but I think it's just because Maria and I broke up, so I'm still not talking to him. I went by Antonio's earlier to watch TV, since Matthew and Francis have been in our common area all afternoon, stinking up the air with their lovey-doveyness, but Antonio's place wasn't much better.

Lovino was so pissy, he made it difficult to even breathe in there. I asked Antonio what his problem was. He said he wasn't sure because he's been so busy lately making plans to stay with his grandparents in Spain over the summer, but he's pretty sure it's because Feliciano moved in with Ludwig. Ironically enough, I ran into the two of them later while I was on the phone with my mom, having yet another money argument. And guess what? Feliciano says that he thinks he can get me a job!

Ha. Stick that in your penny pinching pipe, Mom!

_Later  
_  
So I might have over heard that Alvarez is throwing a party this weekend and I might be planning on crashing it. Not like I really have a beef with him or anything, but I mean come on. I really want to know what happens with him and Maria.

And I kind of want to punch him in the face.

Just cause.

**March 16th**

Things that I must never, ever do:

**1**. I must never go to Alvarez's party already drunk and demand to join in on a game of twister with complete strangers who like to take pictures.  
**2**. Because the next day it might turn out that they're not complete strangers and said pictures might show up all over facebook.  
**3**. Also, it might turn into strip twister. And I might lose. A lot.  
**4**. I must also not talk to Maria after having had 5 shots of tequila and ask her how things are going with Alvarez.  
**5**. Because she might say that she thinks he's gay for some dude who might happen to be talking to Alvarez at that exact moment. But said dude might actually be my brother, so I might just laugh and tell her not to worry, he's spoken for.  
**6**. But then I might ask her if she wants to make him jealous anyways.  
**7**. And she might say yes. And I might kiss her.  
**8**. And Braginski might be at the party. And he might see.  
**9**. And, for some reason, the look on his face might sort of make me feel like pond scum.  
**10**. And then Alvarez might try to break my face.

**March 17th**

So… This has been the shittiest weekend ever. Matt and I still aren't talking. Not that it's not a given anymore, but Arthur is still being a prick, and now even Braginski is mad at me.

Which is stupid for about a million reasons. He has nothing to be mad about. But that's totally beside the point. What the fuck do I care if he's mad at me? I should be happy. This means he's going to leave me alone now!

But I just, I don't know. The look on his face when I kissed Maria… He didn't look like a creepy twenty-something manipulative stalker. He looked… he looked like a lonely kid who just needed to know that someone was on his side.

So when he turned towards the door the second our eyes met, when he left Alvarez's apartment, I followed him.

I don't really know why. I think I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be ok. I think I wanted to tell him that even if he was a bit of a freak, that I wanted to be his friend. That in some weird crazy way, I had sort of gotten used to him and didn't really mind having him around.

And for some reason, I think I wanted to tell him that Maria and I had broken up, too. I wanted him to know that that kiss hadn't meant anything.

But when I stopped him on the stairwell, he just gave me this sad smile and told me not to worry about him anymore.

"I am very sorry to have caused you any problems," he said. "I realize now that I have made a rash decision in trying to force myself on you. Please forgive me."

Well how the fuck am I supposed to forgive him when that fucking asshole won't even _talk_ to me?

-

Translations:  
Dorogoy – darling  
Syestra- sister

**Crappy historical/random information**: Nicoloz is the country Georgia. Georgia doesn't like Russia for obvious reasons. Their Uncle is Stalin, who was a major douche back in the day. Treated Russia and Ukraine like crap; he even caused a famine in Ukraine, though the details slip my mind at the moment. The ballet I mentioned, Vesna svyashchennaya, or, Rite of Spring, is a ballet choreographed by Vaslav Nijinsky, with music by composer Igor Stravinsky, all under impresario Serge Diaghilev. (Side note, it's said that Nijinsky and Diaghilev were lovers…Mmm :3) God, I have been looking for an excuseinclude the Russian Ballet haha~**  
**


	11. March 18th to 25th

**Eleven**

**March 18th**

So I got a job today. Ironically enough, it's at that Italian place that stupid jerk who won't talk to me anymore and I had dinner last month. I should have guessed it was the place Feliciano told me about though; Italian people, Italian restaurant… Yeah. Lucky me, I can now say good-bye to my weekends. I have practice every Saturday morning, and then work from five to ten, and then on Sunday I have practice from one to three, and then work from five to nine.

Thanks Mom. Since I hated sleeping and having a social life, this is just the best!

Anyways, Lovino was there (his Uncle owns the place so sometimes him and Feliciano help out) and he was being his usual sour self until Antonio, Feliciano, and Ludwig walked in. Then his bitchiness went through the roof. He stormed into the kitchen and refused to talk to anyone. I felt bad for Antonio; he had no idea what was going on. Feliciano followed him and tried to talk to him, but I'm pretty sure Lovino threw a can of tomatoes at him. One of the big ones. And I kind of want to ask him what's going on, but I'm afraid he might try to kill me, too.

Ok I'm seriously just killing time here. I sort of thought that Iv- Braginski would have called me by now with a "Haha I was just kidding! You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm too creepy and persistent, da!" but he hasn't.

…But I bet he will.

This is probably just one of his mind games and I'm not going to fall for it and call him first or something.

Not that I'd ever call him.

_Later  
_  
Ok but for real why hasn't he called yet.

_Later_

Ugh. This is really starting to piss me o- oh wait. Someone's at my door. Ha! I bet it's him.

_Later_

It wasn't Braginski.

It was fucking _better_ than Braginski- it was Arthur!

Course I thought he just came by to pick a fight or make fun of me, so when I saw who it was I crossed my arms and leaned against the door frame with this "what the fuck do you want?" expression on my face while Arthur furrowed his massive brows and refused to look at me. He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest like he always does when he doesn't like the situation, and stuck his nose in the air.

"Matthew said you wanted to talk to me," he said haughtily.

I blinked a few times, completely shocked. "Wait, you and Matt talked?"

His shoulders deflated a bit and he glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "Erm, yes," he said. "We've been on speaking terms for a while. There really was no point in my staying angry with him."

His reference to the whole "I like Francis and you're a shit friend don't talk to me" deal left us both unsure of what to say next, and we fell into an awkward silence for the next few moments.

Arthur recovered first. He cleared his throat and straightened his sweater. "Right. So, was there anything you needed to tell me?" he asked.  
I shook my head no. After all, I hadn't gone to Matthew.

He pursed his lips and turned around. "Well, then I'll just be-"

I put a hand on his shoulder, silencing and stopping him in his tracks. I really didn't know what I was doing, I just knew that I was sick of fighting and not talking. So I said, "I didn't break my promise. I never told a soul."

I don't know what he was thinking since I couldn't bring myself to look at him, but he said, "I know."

After a minute I chanced a glance at him and he chanced a glance at me and we both cracked a smile.

"If you think I'm going to apologize then you're sadly mistaken," he said gruffly. "You've really got to work on your communication skills!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, whatever! I'm not saying I'm sorry either cause you were a real jerk about the whole thing!"

And then I stepped to the side and he came in and I asked if he wanted to play _Devil May Cry_ and he said no and asked if I was hungry and I said _hell_ no and it was like thirty-eight days of fighting had never happened.

_Later_

Not that I had been counting or anything.

_Later_

Man it's good having that stuffy little Brit around. I missed making fun of his clothes and picking on his weird spelling and bribing him to "speak American". He is never allowed to be mad at me for more than a few hours from now on. Not talking totally sucked. It was like, I had over a month's worth of stories and grievances and gossip and happy thoughts and zombie survival plans just dying to get out, but he can't think as fast as I can talk (which is really his own problem) so it really sucked having to pick and choose the most important things, since he was only giving me a two minute time limit for each topic.

He is a real prick like that.

So anyways, I told him about how Braginski kept stalking me, and how he told everyone we were dating, and how he made me spend Valentine's Day with him and how Natalia tried to kill me until I convinced her that we weren't dating and how his life totally sucks and how it's not fair that his family is so lame and how they ought to treat him better because really he's not all that bad and how he's being a jerk and not talking to me.

He just looked at me completely horrified.

"What?" I asked.

"Good Lord you've gone and fallen for that creepy bastard, haven't you?" he asked.

And so what if I blushed? It wasn't like it was a "oh my gosh you discovered my secret!" blush. It was totally a, "No! Holy shit that's gross!" blush.

So, just to help with the distinction, I said, "No! Holy shit that's gross!"

Arthur looked at me skeptically. "Alfred, your ears have gone all red round the edges. There's no point denying it."

"But I don't. What the hell! I don't!"

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."

"Man, fuck you."

Arthur laughed and proceeded to do a really bad impression of me. "'Oh, Ivan! You're so hand-"

And that was when I tackled him. I was gonna give him a noogie or something since he was being such a big asshole, but I settled for a hug instead.

"I really, really missed you, you stupid asshole."

"You too, you big git." Arthur said, giving my back a proper, awkward pat, but I know he missed me too, cause he didn't shove me off like he usually would have.

_Later_

I just went by Francis's room and, ignoring Gilbert, the piano guy, and the creepy camera woman, gave Mattie the biggest hug ever and told him that he was the bestest brother anyone could ask for. He smiled and asked if me and Arthur had made up. I said yes. He hugged me back and was super happy too, but said the weirdest thing.

"Don't thank me, thank Ivan."

I raised a brow. "Why?"

He scratched the back of his head and blushed. "Well, a few days ago he came by asking me what would make you happy, and I told him that fixing things with Arthur would, so he suggested that I trick the two of you into talking."

I blinked a few times, taken aback.

Elizabeta sighed and got all sparkly-eyed. "Just like Mr. Darcy!"

Whoever _that_ is.

**March 19th**

Braginski ignored me in class today, which pissed me off because I owe him a thank you. And I really don't want to be in his debt for long, but no matter what I did, he wouldn't look at me! I even went out of my way to accidently drop my homework that had really bad scores on it in front of him. He didn't even give it a passing glance. And when I told him that he still had to tutor me because Coach said so, he told me that other arrangements had been made!

Well fine. I was gonna try to be his friend, but whatever.

If he wants to be a loner, that's fine by me. I don't care.

_Later_

And it's like, not that I care, but I can't even talk to Arthur about it, cause he'll make fun of me! I don't even think he believes me when I say that me and Braginski never dated, that douche.

_Later_

So Lovino just demanded that we let him stay in our room tonight, but like hell am I going to allow _that_ again. Last time he stayed over I didn't get any sleep. So I told him just that, and then he had to go look like a kicked puppy. Of course that worked on Matt, who has this thing for anything even remotely cute, but I stood my ground.

"Why can't you just man up and talk to Antonio!" I said, exasperated. "It's obvious you're mad at him!"

That stupid Italian sneered at me. "Like you're one to give advice; you can't even figure out your own relationship, don't tell me what to do!"

My eye twitched. What did he mean by "my relationship?"

I decided I didn't want to know and didn't comment on that remark.

I looked to Matt for support, but he looked away. Stupid pacifist. Then I turned to Arthur, who had been reading the paper, and cleared my throat.

"What?" he asked.

"A little back up?" I hissed.

He went back to reading. "I'll let you children duke it out," he said.

My roommates fucking suck.

**March 20th**

So it's like, 1:30 AM right now, and Lovino is actually… being quiet. Which is weird. What is he doing? Why isn't he yelling at his phone and acting like a big baby and keeping me awake like usual?

Well I guess he's still keeping me awake, but it's just because I keep expecting to hear his phone hit my door and it's not. Which is weird. I'm gonna investigate.

_Later_

Dude. I just cracked my door open a bit and when he heard me he gasped and then got all silent so I laughed and apologized for "interrupting" him and he sniffled and told me to fuck off. I think he's crying.

_Later_

Why is he crying?

_Later_

You know what? Lovino is the world's biggest bitch. See if I ever try to help him out again.

I felt kinda bad for him, even if he had been a little shit earlier, so I asked him if he wanted me to make him some of Arthur's tea, since it's supposed to help you calm down, but he just told me to fuck off again. So then I asked him if he wanted to talk and he told me to mind my own business. So then I asked him if I'd been right about him being upset with Antonio and he blew up at me!

"Yes, it's about that fucking bastard! He can't think of anyone but himself, but why am I telling you this?" he scowled. "You're just as bad- no, you're _worse_! I don't know how Ivan stands you."

"This again? What the hell, Lovino," I narrowed my eyes and dropped the friendly tone. "I'm just trying to help. Don't drag Braginski into this; he has nothing to do with anything. You know there's nothing going on between the two of us."

He snorted and rolled back over. "Whatever. Leave me alone."

See if I ever try to help him again.

_Later_

So after English Arthur and I sat at our old table again, just like old times. I sighed and commented on that fact, and he rolled his eyes and told me to stop acting like we're long lost friends. Even though we totally are! He's got to be faking indifference; I know going a month without me had to be hard on him.

Anyways, I don't remember what we were talking about, probably something about class and our 'Personal Heroes' papers. (I got a B, I was so proud. I knew X-Men was the way to go. I bet Artie got an A though, and I didn't want him to rub it in my face so I made it a point not to ask him.)

But then Braginski walked in with a few people, some of them I didn't know, but I recognized a few of them- Yao and Alvarez and Maria. Maria caught my eye and laughed. I scratched the back of my head, a little embarrassed thinking about our last encounter. I mouthed, "Sorry," and she smiled and shook her head. "Thanks," she mouthed back, indicating to her and Alvarez's joined hands. I smiled. Even if Alvarez is a big douche bag, if Maria's happy with him that's cool.

I felt someone's gaze on me; it was Braginski. But when I looked at him, he turned his attention away and said something to Yao who laughed. Then Braginski lightly touching his shoulder like they were old friends or something.

Which they totally aren't because I'm the one who introduced them. That ungrateful jerk.

"Alfred, Alfred, hello?" Arthur waved his spoon in front of my face, trying to get my attention. I guess I sort of zoned out.

I blinked and looked at him. "Sorry, were you saying something?"

He quirked a brow and followed my line of vision.

"Braginski again?" he asked.

"What?"

He gave me The Look. "You know what I mean, Alfred." He rested his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together. "What exactly is going on between the two of you?"

"I don't know what you're talk-"

My phone vibrated; it was a text from Maria. She asked me if we could hang out some time… and then asked me what had been going on between me and Braginski that I hadn't told her about. And then she added a fucking winkie face. A winkie face!

I looked up to yell at her, but they'd already left the DH.

Arthur gave me a knowing look. "Well?" he asked. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

I stood up and slammed my hands on the table. "There is nothing going on between me and Braginski!" I shouted.

The entire cafeteria went silent and Arthur fucking laughed at me.

-

_theres nothin goin on between me n braginski!_

If you say so, querido…

stfu maria or i'll tell alvarez you asked ME out!

But I didn't, you did! That's cruel! :(

but he won't know that ;)

Fine. Then I'll tell Ivan you're madly in love with him! ;)

DON'T YOU DARE

Well at least talk to the poor boy! pobrecillo, he is so sad!

he ignored me first!

Ugh, men… Dinner next Thursday?

Ugh women… yeah sounds good :)

-

**March 20th**

Dude. Kiku has been acting weird as fuck lately. He's always blushing and he's been even quieter than usual, and today when I got back from practice, I caught him outside Arthur's door, about to knock. But when he saw me, he got all embarrassed and ran back to his room.

Are they… Are they hiding something from me?

_Later_

So I knocked on Kiku's door to see what was up. I asked him if he wanted to hangout, since it had been a while since the two of us chilled. He said he'd like that, so we settled down to play some good old fashion _Mario Cart_. Half way through the second round I asked him what was up with him and Arthur and he tripped up and ran over a banana peel, which never happens.I asked him if he was ok and he just gave a small smile and said it was nothing.

After a moment he cleared his throat and said, "Actually, since the two of you made up I haven't really seen him mu-" But then my phone rang and I told him to hold that thought.

It was Arthur asking when I wanted to go to dinner, and I told him I was with Kiku, and he asked if we both wanted to eat with him and I sure. I put my phone down and asked him to finish what he'd been about to say, but he just shook his head and said never mind.

I narrowed my eyes.

They are totally hiding something from me!

**March 21st**

It's not like I haven't noticed them before. Hell, they've been all over campus since last week. But for some reason today they've just been like… all up in my face, begging me to look at them.

Stupid fucking ballet posters.

I am not going to that stupid thing.

In fact, I hope Braginski falls and breaks both of his legs.

_Later_

Ok, it's not like I'm a stalker, but I just happened to walk by the performing arts center, and guess who was talking to Braginski?

Lovino!

I thought he was afraid of him. That has to be the weirdest thing I've ever seen. Ever.

_Later_

So I went to see the ballet. I made Arthur go with me, who said he would have gone without me _anyways_, but whatever.

To be completely honest, I thought it was weird and boring. It wasn't what ballet was supposed to be. No one was wearing tutus, and they even had their toes pointed in. It was all pretty strange. I read the little pamphlet thing, and basically it was about Braginski's character dancing himself to death in order for the village to gain the good graces of the Spring God. If you ask me, that is a load of bull. You're going to pass out from exhaustion before you die from dancing. And anyways, who wants a god who demands sacrifices? That's pretty lame if you ask me.

But… It was kind of cool, too, in its own way, I mean. I thought he'd look like, I don't know, girlie, cause I mean, come on, it's ballet, but he didn't. The way he moved, it wasn't flowing or graceful by any means, but it was raw and powerful. Suddenly it was obvious why he was so sure footed on the basketball court; there was nothing awkward about the way he carried himself.

But still. They were all dressed like fucking Indians.

And I just could not take that seriously.

**March 22nd**

I went to Francis's to get Matthew since we were supposed to go see a movie together, but when I got there he was too busy trying to get Francis to shut up, who was too busy trying to get Antonio to shut up, who was too busy crying over the fact that, to put it in his words, "Lovi h-hates me and he won't tell me why!"

So then I tried to get Matt to give it up, but he said that he couldn't just leave the two of them together because Francis was giving him "bad advice" which probably means that he was telling Antonio to just seduce him and ask questions later, and Antonio was probably contemplating suicide.

So I just left and asked Arthur and Kiku to watch it with me instead. Arthur wanted to go, but Kiku declined.

Why is everyone acting so weird?

**March 23rd**

Practice and then work. I seriously have nothing else to say about how bad today is going to suck.

**March 25th**

Me and Artie had a good ol' heart-to-heart last night when I got off work. He came by around nine to walk with me back to the dorms, but we just wound up sitting in the parking lot for a while, talking.

"What did you think of the ballet?" he asked, taking a long swig of his beer.

I looked down at my own bottle, watching the dark liquid swirl around as I rotated my wrist. I shrugged, "I don't know anything about dance," I said noncommittally. "I didn't really get it."

He downed the rest of his beer. "But you couldn't take your eyes off of him."

"Who?"

"Braginski. You never looked away from him."

"It's not what you think," I said. "I was just trying to pa-"

"Isn't it though?" he asked, cutting me off. "Be honest with yourself, Alfred. It bothers you that he's not talking to you, when it shouldn't."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Arthur tossed his empty bottle into the dumpster. "I'm just saying, it's a good thing he's leaving you alone. You shouldn't push it."

I stood up, fists clenched. "What would you know?" I demanded. "You don't even know him."

"I know he's put you through hell and you're just asking to be hurt! He's nothing but bad news."

"Not everyone is out to hurt you. You're just comparing him to how things worked out for you with Francis!" I snapped.

I know, dumb move. If it helps at all, I felt like a complete ass for saying that. Not to mention, I couldn't believe that I'd just compared Braginski to Francis. But Arthur was really pissing me off. I know he means well, but damn does he have a controlling streak.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't feel like fighting with you over this," he caved in. "Do what you want."

I smiled triumphantly, then realized something.

"So, uh, what should I do?"

Arthur smiled and ruffled my hair. "You're a hopeless mess, you know that?"

I slung an arm over his shoulder. "Yeah but I'm your hopeless mess."

He shook his head. "Just be careful, alright?"

We walked back to campus in comfortable silence, but half way there I stopped. He gave me a questioning look, but I turned my face away.  
"I'm sorry I brought up Francis," I muttered. "That was a pretty low blow."

He pulled away from me dramatically and placed a hand over his heart. "I think I'm going into cardiac arrest," he cried. "Did Alfred Jones just apologize?"

I kicked him. "Don't get used to it, you prick." But what I really meant to say was, 'It's good to have you back.'

Because, somehow, things don't seem so bleak when you've got a good friend in your corner.

-  
Translations:

querido- love, darling  
pobrecillo- poor little thing**  
**


	12. March 26th to 30th

**Twelve**

**March 26th**

Oh god I'd practically forgotten about Natalia. That is until she flew out of some random class room, grabbed my arm and pulled me aside so fast I thought I might get whip lash. She threw me up against the door to the auditorium, the doorknob digging into my back in a not so comfortable way, and I may or may not have given a startled cry (it wasn't a girly scream) as I tried to fight her off.

"You lied to me," she growled. "You've broken up with that woman and started chasing after my Ivan again. You broke your promise."

I was quickly loosing the feeling in my arms (not to mention the color in my face) so I tried to break free. "What are you talking about?" I asked, voice slightly higher than usual. "Get off me you psycho!"

That was probably the wrong thing to call her; she was already pissed off and emitting these creepy evil Satanic vibes, not to mention she probably had a knife hidden somewhere under her completely misleading "I'm a sweet and innocent girl who would never try to gorge someone's liver out" dress.

She tightened her grip. And ok, I'm man enough to admit it, I might have whimpered a bit. But come on this chick makes Marilyn Manson look sane! And where the hell was Arthur? I had just met up with him after our advisor meeting; he couldn't have forgotten about me. I mean, I'm not Mattie or anything.

But a minute later, and she was going on about all the things she was going to do to me and how she was going to cause me bodily harm with things that should never be used on people, like a crowbar and a blender. And there was still no sign of Arthur.

Seriously.

You know that feeling you get when you just know your life is about to be over?

Yeah I was so feeling it.

But then Arthur had finally (about time) realized that I was no longer walking with him and spotted us down the hall. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he demanded, storming up to us.

She turned to stare at him, eyes wild. "This doesn't concern you, Brit." she hissed. "Leave before I decide to end your life as well."

We both gulped and shared a nervous glance.

Fortunately for us, in our dire situation I suddenly got a plan!

"Hey look, it's Ivan!" I exclaimed, pointing down the hall with a sure finger as I prayed for her to fall for it.

Thank god she did. As she turned to look the evil glint in her eye got even worse, but lucky for me her death grip on my arms loosened as she strained her neck to look down the hall.

And that was when Arthur and I promptly ran away.

_Later_

Ok. I have got to figure out a way to get rid of her, because if me and Iv-Braginski are going to be friends, I'd really rather not have to worry about, you know, fighting for my life. This calls for some Thinkin Chair time.

_Later_

I just got the most amazing idea ever! God, I'm such a genius.

_Later_

Man, Fuck Feliks. Trust him to ruin all my plans. He is such a Plan Ruiner.

_Later  
_  
So, like I said earlier, I had a great plan. But I needed help with it. So, after economics I stopped Toris and Feliks and asked them if they'd do me a favor. Of course Toris was more than happy to. (He's a great guy like that.) But Feliks was all, "What's, like, in it for us?" So I told him I'd give him the Abercrombie and Fitch gift card that's been collecting dust in my wallet since my last birthday, and he said it was a deal. But then he furrowed his perfectly plucked (lol alliteration) eyebrows and gave me a suspicious look. "Like, you don't want us to do anything weird do you? Cause I totally won't do it if it's anything sketch."

I smiled and waved my hands in front of me, laughing. "No, it's nothing like that!" I exclaimed. "I uh… Just need Toris to go on a date with Natalia for me is all."

Toris looked like he wanted to say yes, but before he could even take a breath of air Feliks had clamped a hand over his mouth, pink nails nearly digging into his cheeks.

"Like, no way," he stated flat-out.

I tried using Mattie's puppy-dog eyes, but it didn't work. I even tried crying and all that evil bitch did was laugh at me.

And by the time I had resorted to desperate negotiations (I won't call it begging because Alfred F. Jones doesn't beg) he just scoffed at me and told me to do my own dirty work.

"What do you mean?" I sniffled.

Feliks stuck an accusing finger in my chest. "Don't, like, get my poor Toris caught up in your relationship drama! If you're having problems with Natalia about Ivan, then, like, just talk to him!"

And then he flounced off dragging a pouting Toris behind him.

That bitch.

_Later  
_  
Since I couldn't use Toris, and I don't think I'll survive the next time Natalia sees me, I finally just had to put my pride aside and tell Ludwig that a five foot two girl was terrorizing me. Turns out there have been several complaints about her. Who knew?

Maybe now they'll expel her? Maybe? Please?

…Please?

_Later_

Things easier said than done:  
**1**. Giving up McDonald's for Lent.  
**2**. Paying attention in class.  
**3**. Giving myself a blowjob. (No really. I've tried. Doesn't work.)  
**4**. Faking enthusiasm over Arthur's knitting. (See above side note.)  
**5**. Getting Braginski to stop ignoring me.  
_  
__Later_

I've seriously tried everything. Everything. Ok so I mean, I didn't text him or call him or anything. But I did wait around after Trig today. (But not before checking the halls for Natalia.)

Subtlety isn't really my thing, but I thought it was obvious enough that I was waiting for him without being all up in his face about it. But he just walked right past me. Didn't even give me a passing glance.

What is this, third grade?

He can't just fucking ignore me like that. You don't ignore Alfred F. Jones, Ok? You just don't.

**March 27th**

HA! We've got basketball practice in half an hour. I'm still on Coach's "to kill" list since I was late yesterday, but it's not my fault because I'm so used to Braginski coming to get me for practice, so I stopped keeping track of the time.

So if anyone, he should blame that stupid jerk.

But anyways, I'd just like to see him ignore me at practice.

_Later_

Braginski quit the team.

I give up. Fine. Be that way.

I don't give a fuck what he does.

**March 28th**

So I've been sitting in the common area for the past thirty minutes, and twice Kiku has walked out of his room, paused at Arthur's door, then pretended to do something else, like go to the bathroom or get a drink out of the fridge. But then he'll go right back to Arthur's door, raise his hand like he's going to knock, and then chicken out.

I don't think he's noticed me yet. I've been sitting in the corner in the big red blow-up chair I found at a garage sale last year, pretending to do economics shit, but he hasn't said hi or anything like he usually does.

Oh my god I think he just mumbled something under his breath and he's blushing. Kiku is fucking blushing! Oh my god this is too much. What the fuck is going on?

Dammit. He saw me and went back to his room.

Note to self: Stalk Kiku.

_Later_

I had this great idea. I stole Artie's phone cause I was gonna text Braginski from it, since Braginski doesn't have his number. I was gonna freak him out and pretend to be Natalia or something like that. But then I got nosey and sort of accidentally checked Arthur's text messages. And guess what? He texts Kiku more than he texts me. And Arthur doesn't even like texting. And they text each other like, even in class too because Arthur will say something like "could Mr. Hamby be any more monotone?" and Kiku will say something like, "I hope not; I'd probably die" and a bunch of other lame stupid things like that.

But there wasn't anything juicy or secretive. So I think Kiku is just being weird.

_Later_

Crap I forgot to text Braginski.

_Later_

Oh my god does Kiku like Arthur?

_Later_

At lunch Kiku asked Arthur to pass him the salt. And Arthur blushed. And then he _did_.

_Later_

Oh my _god_ does Arthur like Kiku?

_Later_

Does that mean he's over Francis?

_Later_

…Should I ask him?

_Later_

No. No that's probably a bad idea. A really bad idea.

_Later_

So I sorta texted that stupid Russian from my own phone, just cause I was getting kind of pissed that he hadn't popped by with a, "Haha, jk Alfred! I will now commence to stalk you once more, da!"

But he didn't text back.

…Guess he was serious.

_Later_

I met Maria at McDonald's for dinner tonight. It would have been nice except for the fact that I'm in a completely not-awesome mood. I mean, I stabbed at my Big Mac with the amount of enthusiasm that I usually reserve for prunes, brussels sprouts, and math tests, so you know I wasn't feeling like my usual sunshine and sparkles.

"Have you spoken to him yet?" she asked, sipping at her small Sprite.

I picked up a fry, sighed, and threw it back down again. "No. Natalia's back to threatening me again and Braginski doesn't want anything to do with- Wait what?"

Maria smirked.

"No use denying it, _querido_," she said. "If it makes you feel any better, he's completely miserable."

"Good," I huffed. "He deserves to be miserable. He's an asshole."

"And you miss him," she sing-songed. "You want to kiss him, you want to hug him-"

I threw a fist-full of fries at her. "Shut up," I said. "I am so sick of hearing that shit from everyone."

She laughed. "Sorry, sorry, I'll quit."

I crossed my arms over my chest and pointedly looked away. She munched on her chicken sandwich innocently, content with the silence. I, however, can't stand to be quiet, so after about thirty seconds, my need to make small-talk took over.

"Uh, just out of curiosity, why have you and Alvarez and Yao been hanging out with Braginski?"

Maria grinned again. "Honestly, I think he's just doing it to piss you off. Ivan knows you and Alvarez don't get along and well, he thnks you'll get jealous if he pays attention to Yao."

I narrowed my eyes.

So Braginski is trying to piss me off?

Well it's not going to work.

_Later_

Ok so it's kind of working. But there's no way in hell I'll ever let him know that.

_Later_

Fucking Braginski.

**March 29th**

You know what sucks? Trying to befriend your stalker. Like, why did I even bother? I knew he was an asshole. But nooooo. I just had to want to do the nice thing and befriend him. But of course the second I try to do this he turns into this ginormous dickhead and is all, "Go away Alfred, I just wanted to be a freaky stalker and act all gay, I don't want to be friends!"

HE DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

One minute he's a loser with no friends who won't leave me alone and the next he's all "GTFO, Alfred," and buddy-buddy with Yao and Alvarez, crackin jokes and eating dinner with them and stupid stuff like that, so I walk up to him and I'm all, "Why are you ignoring me?" and he's all, "Alfred, you see that I am busy with my friends, da?" so I'm all, "Fuck you!" and he's all, "No thanks."

Ok so that's not what happened.

But he was eating dinner with those assholes. (Well Yao's not really an asshole but since I still owe him money I don't really want to talk to him…) Anyways, when I tried to talk to him he ignored me at first, so then I grabbed his plate so he'd have to pay attention to me, but all he did was get up and go get more food! So I followed him to the counter and point-blank asked him what his problem was.

For the first time in forever he finally looked at me, and for a minute I thought he was back to his normal weirdo self, but he just frowned and said, "I am simply doing what you asked. You've been telling me to leave you alone, and now I am. This is what you wanted, da?"

"No, you idiot!" I said. "I changed my mind. I want to be friends!"

For some reason he glared at me when I said that. And it's not like it frightened me or anything, but it was just so intense that I couldn't look at him anymore. "I do not want your sympathy," he said coldly.

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, I don't feel sorry for you," I said.

He laughed, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Oh really?" he said. "Then why is it that you didn't want to have anything to do with me until you read those letters?"

"That's not fair; you're the one who translated them for me. You're the one who told me what happened!"

He stopped smiling. "Da. And I should have known better. I did not confide in you in order to gain your commiseration. I did not want you to change and you did. Your desire to become my friend is not genuine- You are driven by pity."

"That's not true at all!" I shouted. People were staring, but I really didn't care.

"Isn't it though?" he asked, voice empty and small.

"No, it's not," I said firmly. "It has nothing to with pity, I just feel like I understand you better now is all." Tentatively, I raised a hand to his shoulder. "Ivan, let me-"

He shrugged my hand away. "You mistake pity with understanding," he said in disgust. "You, Alfred Jones, are a fool."

He left the cafeteria after that and I didn't try to stop him.

**March 30th**

So I went to work in a completely shit mood today. At least Lovino wasn't there; Feliciano was working instead. I thought my day would get better, since he's a pretty fun guy (unlike his permanently PMSing bitch of a sister) but he was in a bad mood too, pouting and sighing as he served up each entrée.

"What's eattin you?" I finally asked, about thirty minutes into my shift.

His bottom lip wibbled a bit as he poured some sauce in to a soufflé cup, put it on the tray with the calzone, and handed it to me.

"It's- it's Antonio," he cried. "Lovino broke up with him last night!"

"Why?" I asked. Not that I really cared what that punk did, but Antonio was pretty cool; it would suck to see him get hurt by such a hard-headed and thoughtless little SOB. Plus, I couldn't imagine Antonio doing anything to warrant a break up- Strange as it is, he's absolutely crazy about Lovino.

"Because," Feliciano said, "Antonio is going to Spain this summer to see his grandparents, and since he's a senior and lives in Florida, and we live in New York… He thinks they'll never see each other again, and he thinks Antonio doesn't care."

"Is that why he's been moodier than usual lately?"

Feliciano nodded. "I moved in with Ludwig," at that he blushed and smiled (and I twitched and gagged), "so that him and Antonio could spend more time together, but it only made Lovino more upset…"

I picked up a large tray (I've really gotten a hang of the whole serving business), put all the food on it, and rested it on my shoulder.

"Don't worry about it," I said as I walked to the swinging doors. "Lovino just has to put his pride aside and tell Antonio what's bothering him. They'll work it out."

I walked through the doors and bellowed "Coming out!" to make sure that I didn't run into anyone and ruin my uniform (Which, I gotta say, looks pretty sexy on me- I make white button-downs and long, black half-apron look good). And do you know who was in the lobby, waiting to be seated?

Maria, Alvarez, Yao… and Braginski.

I narrowed my eyes at Braginski and muttered a quick and stony, "I'll be right with you" and ran off to take care of my tables. I told Sofie, one of the waitresses, to seat them for me and to please, please, wait on them, but she cheerfully replied that, while she would seat them for me, it was my turn for a table.

Sooooo I was forced to deal with them.

But what I wanted to know was, since Braginski didn't want anything to do with me, why the hell was he there, and with his little commie brigade as well? (Ok so Maria isn't included in that but whatever.)

I got my answer when I went to greet them and Maria had this stupid smirk on her face, as if she was planning something, and did a little four-finger wave.

"Welcome to Roma's. My name's Alfred and I'll be taking care of you today," I said automatically, trying to ignore her as she kept looking from me to Braginski. "What can I get you guys to drink?"

"Water."

"Cream soda."

"Tea, aru."

"Vodka."

I swear a vein popped in my head when he said that.

"We don't serve _liquor_," I ground out.

Braginski pouted. "Water, then," he said.

So I went and fixed their drinks (I may or may not have spit in Braginski's) and took their order and everything was going pretty smoothly until I came back out with their food.

As I approached them, a man sitting at the table next to them stood up, knocking my tray over. Braginski, probably out of reflex, shot up to grab it before it tipped over just as I grabbed for one of the plates, causing the tray to tilt… and all of the food to land on the both of us.

He looked down at his scarf, (which was covered in marinara sauce) completely horrified, while I tried to get bits of spaghetti out of my hair and save what little dignity I had left.

"You idiot," he spat. "Look what you've done!"

I stood up and shouted at him, completely forgetting that we were sort of in a restaurant. "_Me_? If _you_ hadn't tried to grab my tray this never would have happened!"

Then we proceeded to fight and insult each other and at one point I think I might have thrown a cup at him and Maria tried to intervene and we both told her to shut up and then I think he brought my mom into the conversation, which you just don't do.

So I officially hate Braginski, and if he thinks that I'm going to let him get away with being such a fucking bastard, he's got another thing coming.

This means war.  
**  
**


	13. March 31st to April 7th

**Thirteen**

_Elizabeta's Hidden Camera Number Two:  
March 31st, 12:47 AM Gilbert's bathroom  
_  
Alfred stumbled through the bathroom door and shut it behind him but forgot to lock it. He nearly lost his footing but caught himself on the bathroom counter. Laughing, he took a hearty swig of his beer, set it on the lid of the commode, and began to relieve himself.

He had enough presence of mind to wash up, but did not notice that he was no longer alone until he moved to dry his hands and saw in the mirror that someone was standing behind him.

It was Ivan.

Alfred wrinkled his nose. "What're you doin' here?" he slurred.

"I came to see you," Ivan said.

"You're one confusing son of a bitch, you know that?" Alfred responded, flailing his arm about as if to point an accusing finger at the reflection of the taller man.

"What do you mean?" Ivan asked, stepping in closer, close enough to rest two large hands on the blonde's hips.

Alfred tried to shrug him off and turned around to glare at him. Ivan took the opportunity to trap him in place. Alfred was forced to lean against the counter, the edge pressing uncomfortably into the base of his spine. "First we don't talk," he said, poking a finger into the Russian's chest, "then you stalk me, then you want to date me, and then when I try to be friends, you ignore me!"

Ivan smiled and lowed his face to the others, brushing their cheeks together. Alfred gasped a little and grabbed onto Ivan's upper arm, jerking his head away. "What are you-"

"Does that bother you?" Ivan whispered in his ear. "That I ignore you?" He ghosted his nose against the sensitive skin of his shell.

Alfred twitched and pushed at him, clumsily hitting him on his chest. "Yeah it fuckin' bothers me, man!"

Ivan drew his face close to his own, noses only half an inch apart. "Why?" he whispered. Alfred tried to turn his head to the side, tried to pull away, but Ivan had firmly grasped a handful of his hair.

Alfred tried his best to stare at him, but couldn't quite get his gaze to focus. He frowned. "You think I feel sorry for you but I don't," he said after a moment. "I think you're a fuckin asshole but I don't feel sorry for you, not in the least."

"Is that so?" Ivan asked, grinning ear to ear.

"Mhmm,"Alfred hummed; he looked as if he was starting to feel a little tired and fell slightly limp in the other's grasp. "I wish you'd just fuckin…"

"Just what, dorogoy?" Ivan murmured, voice low.

Alfred grinned and closed his eyes. "Kiss me," he said.

**March 31st**

My head. My fucking head.

_Later_

No scratch that.

My stomach.

Ugh.

_Later_

I so called it. Damn, am I observant or am I observant? My skills of conduction or deduction or whatever the hell it's called are flawless. Move out of the way Sherlock Holmes, Alfred F. Jones is here!

So I guess you're wondering why I'm singing my own praises (other than the fact that I'm so amazing I should just do it anyways). ...Actually, now I'm just sort of wondering why I just asked myself a question. But whatever. It's not like I'm talking to myself or anything.

Anyways.

So, last night after work (um, ok, after I got fired…) I was just minding my own business, winding down in my room, feet propped up, getting ready to write about how much I freaking hate Ivan Stupid Face Braginski, when there was a polite knock at my door, followed by laughter, followed by persistent pounding. I opened it and came face to face with half of my hall, including Arthur, who was already completely shitfaced. (It was pretty obvious by the fact that he had already lost his vest and tie and was in the process of unbuttoning his shirt.)

"Come on, ya tosser. Off yer arse!" he yelled at me and grabbed my arm. (Arthur's drunkenness is directly proportional to how deaf he thinks we are.)

"Man, how wasted are you?" I asked, laughing as I let him pull me out of my room.

He smiled. "I believe I'm well hammered. And you should be too!"

So even though I'd promised Coach I'd quit going to parties, I sort of went anyways. But it's not like we had curfew, and it's not like I was going to miss class cause there's no class to miss on Sundays, so I didn't see any harm in it. Not to mention, Kiku was there, so I knew something had to be up, because he usually hangs out with Heracles and his other baseball buddies; Arthur and my friends aren't usually his thing.

But I'm totally getting on a tangent.

The point is, me, Arthur, Matthew, Francis, Kiku, and Antonio (who sighed the whole time) went to Gilbert's house. Apparently Kiku and Arthur had been hanging out when Arthur and Francis had somehow gotten into a fight, which had turned into a drinking contest, which had turned into a bit of a get-together in Francis's dorm, and then Gilbert had called Antonio (who was still feeling emo) and asked him to bring some friends over because he'd just gotten a keg and Antonio had half-heartedly relayed the news to Francis who thought it was a freaking sweet idea, so then they decided to come and get me and we all made the long trek across campus and two blocks away to Gilbert's apartment loft.

By the time we got there the party was in full swing, Francis had mistakenly hit on me which got him in trouble with Matthew, and Arthur had lost his shirt and one of his shoes. Of course I went straight to the kitchen to play some beer pong, but after a few completely undefeated rounds I, slightly less sober than when I had arrived, decided to do the "mingling" thing. I was gonna chat up this hot chick I saw, when I saw Kiku sitting on the couch, looking a little uncomfortable and out of place. So, being the amazing friend that I am, I went over and sat down with him and asked him what was wrong.

And that was when he confessed his undying love for Arthur to me.

Ok so it was more like I asked him if Arthur was the problem and he blushed and got all tongue-tied and like I said- so called it.

"Well why don't you go say something to him about it?" I suggested.

Kiku gave me a dead-pan look and politely pointed to the other side of the living room, where a half-naked Francis and Arthur were trying to end each other's lives as my poor brother looked on in complete horror and helplessness.

I was going to go help Mattie out, but then I just decided to go drink some more beer. After that the night got a little fuzzy, but I woke up in my own bed, so whatever.

_Later_

Just got out of the shower and I kid you not, I have three dark purple hickeys: two on my neck, and one on my chest.

_Later_

Make that four. Found one on my shoulder.

God damn. Guess I did chat up that chick.

_Later_

Man. Can't believe I forgot about that. Hope it wasn't anyone I know, cause I definitely don't remember how that went down…

-

To: all students  
From: Francis Bonnefoy  
Subject: Spirit Week Info and meeting times

Bonjour tous!

As we're all well aware, tomorrow is the first day of April, and that means that it's almost time for Spirit Week to begin! This year the Student Council has collaborated with the International Student Organization in order to make this event even more entertaining. This year the theme that was voted on for Spirit Week 2010 is Cultural Awareness. As always, the student body will be divided up by grade. If you have any questions, please feel free to direct them to your class president or myself. If you are interested in participating, there will be meetings tomorrow night. I've listed the times and locations below.

I hope you're all having a wonderful semester,

Francis Bonnefoy Student Body Secretary  
Junior Class President

The Freshman Class will meet with Elizabeta Héderváry at 7:30 on Washington Porch.  
The Sophomore Class will meet with Arthur Kirkland at 7:30 on the second floor of the Student Union Building, provided he can make it back from his eyebrow waxing appointment.  
The Junior Class will meet with magnifique moi at 8:00 in Jefferson Auditorium.  
The Senior class will meet with Sadiq Adnan at 8:00 in the Performing Arts Center room 308.

**April 1st**

Arthur is in a completely shitty mood. And it's not just because of Francis's e-mail, or the impending amount of stuff he's got to do and crap he's got to deal with, or the fact that he's like, longing for Kiku (which I totally know he is).

No, the reason he's in such a crap mood is because his mom just dropped by this morning with his little brother, asking him to take care of him while she went off to New York City for a meeting or some crap like that.

So now Arthur is stuck with Peter for a week during one of the busiest weeks of the school year, he's already pretty freaking high strung, and he hates his little brother.

Haha!

_Later_

Wait. Where is he supposed to sleep? Our couch doesn't pull out into a bed. And why the hell did she drag him across the ocean when she's got business? Doesn't he have, like, a Mary Poppins?

_Later  
_  
So uh… I think Arthur just gave Peter to Berwald and Tino. We were sitting on Washington Porch, trying to figure out what to do with him, when Berwald walks by and is all, "W'v g't n em'ty r'm n 'r d'rm" which Tino assured us means "We've got an empty room in our dorm" so I guess that means Peter is staying with Berwald and Tino?

_Later_

…Can he do that?

_Later_

Are we even allowed to have kids here?

_Later  
_  
Oh my god it's April Fools. How could I forget!

_Later_

So I tied some rope around Matt's and Arthur's door and knocked on both their doors. Except Mattie's not here right now, so instead of getting to watch them play tug of war before Arthur yelled at me, I just got yelled at. That was lame.

_Later_

Oh my god that was epic. At lunch I stole Arthur's phone and texted Braginski and told him that Natalia was right behind him. He looked like he was about to piss his dress and started shaking and everything. It was such a beautiful sight I almost cried.

_Later_

Arthur just told me he got a death threat from Braginski. And then he hit me. Repeatedly.

It was still worth it, though.

_Later_

My life is over. Matthew just told me that the cafeteria is going to stop serving burgers. What am I supposed to do now? That's just cruel and totally unfair. I fucking hate the cafeteria. How could they? I'm boycotting. I'll never eat in there again!

_Later_

That was a cruel, cruel joke Matthew. April Fool's Day sucks.

_Later_

We've got class meetings tonight to discuss Spirit Week, and it is going to be my pleasure to personally make sure that the seniors are CRUSHED. Because Braginski is a senior and an asshole and a complete fucking dick, and our team is going to be so much better because I'm going to be on it and I'm going to fucking pulverize him. Yeah.

Things to bring up at the meeting:  
**1**. Our top priority should be to crush and humiliate the seniors.  
**2**. Arthur can do all the boring planning but I get to be the leader.  
**3**. Ask the science department (or Kiku) if they've got any robots they'll let us use.  
**4**. Or maybe we can just pretend to have robots, and that way Braginski will get so scared, he'll pee his dress. Again.  
**5**. And make sure the juniors lose too. Stupid Alvarez.

**April 2nd**

So Arthur is stupid because he didn't like any of my plans, but it's whatever. I didn't really pay attention at the meeting, but Arthur mentioned something about an eating contest, so we've totally got this. With me as the sophomore's class Spirit Week leader, there's no way we're going to lose.

_Later_

Braginski skipped trig, but I saw him in the cafeteria this afternoon. He wasn't wearing his scarf, which I know he must hate since it's like, his fucking security blanket, so there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to make fun of him. "You look pretty weird without the scarf, Braginski. How's your neck doing?"

But instead of taking the bait, he just smiled. "I think the better question," he said, "is how is _your_ neck doing?"

My hand instantly shot up to the fading bruises that were only half concealed by the collar of my polo. "Mind your own business," I sneered.

Why the fuck was he looking at my neck anyways? Weirdo.

**April 3rd**

I always knew I didn't like Alvarez for a reason.

I went to the library earlier today since we're reading some Shakespeare crap, but I just don't get any of that shit, so I went to check out the movie version instead. Well, I was standing there, trying to remember what we were reading (I'm pretty sure it's Much Ado about Nothing. Or maybe Sense and Sensibility. Or Shakespeare in Love. I don't know.) when all of a sudden I heard Alvarez's stupid voice from the other side of the aisle.

"Yeah Maria talked me into participating in some of the Spirit Week competitions," he said.

I stopped what I was doing and leaned in closer to the shelf in order to hear him better.

"I'm not sure what we're doing," he continued, "but Braginski said he'd help me make sure that the sophomores lose, which'll piss Jones off, so I'm all for it. I could seriously care less about winning, just as long as Jones doesn't."

Can you believe that little asshole? If he thinks he can defeat amazing, totally awesome me then he's got another thing coming. I'm gonna kick his ass so hard, he's gonna run crying back to Cuba. Stupid communist. And Braginski. Who the fuck does he think he is?

**April 4th**

Dude, I totally forgot about Kiku and Arthur! I wonder how they're doing… I know Arthur is really busy with all his President responsibilities and shit, but isn't Kiku the VP? I bet they've been spending a lot of quality time together, if ya know what I mean. All those late nights in their dorm rooms, going over plans, accidentally brushing against each- WHAT THE FUCK AM I WRITING ABOUT JESUS CHRIST.

Anyways.

Like I was saying, I bet they're getting close. And I've got to admit, it's pretty cute how bashful Kiku is. I bet this is just what Arthur needs! After the whole Francis thing… He really deserves some happiness.

But he's such a loser and when he's sober he's got like, next to no social skills. Actually, he's even worse when he's drunk. So I guess it's up to me to get those two together. Gosh. I'll be like, their Love Hero!

_Later_

All things considered, I think that conversation went pretty well!

Me: Whatcha doin', Arty?  
Arthur: I'm busy, Alfred. Trying to get everything together for Spirit Week so that you can make a fool of yourself.  
Me: I'm going to ignore that completely uncalled for jab at my awesomeness because I'm feeling generous today.  
Arthur: Oh, I feel _so_ honored. Do note the sarcasm.  
Me: Then I guess I won't tell you that I know some juicy information that you'd really like to heeear.  
Arthur: I'm not a thirteen year old girl, Alfred. That tactic won't work on me.  
Me: Fine. Be that way. I won't tell you that someone likes you, then.  
Arthur: W-what?  
Me: Nope. Too late. You don't care, remember?  
Arthur: Don't be a prat.  
Me: I'm not teeeeelliiiii-  
Arthur: Tell me!  
Me: Ok, ok, let go of me!

So after he stopped choking me and I got a little bit of the color back in my face, I told him that I knew someone who likes him. Someone we're both pretty close to. Someone shorter than him. Who likes video games. And has black hair. And is really quiet. And Japanese. And his names starts with a K and that's when he cut me off and told me that I'd made my point _very_ clear but he was totally blushing like crazy and stuttering and saying a bunch of crazy stuff in British-speak so I asked him if he liked him and he threw some stuff at me so I took that as a yes.

But he made me promise not to say anything because he, to quote him, "didn't want to make things awkward" between the two of them. But if I leave it up to Arthur, then nothing will ever get done. They'll just skirt around each other for the rest of their freaking lives when they could be… doing whatever it is gay people do.

So I told him that I wasn't going to say anything but it was a total lie. He might get a little pissed at me, but he'll totally thank me later when he's got himself a little Japanese boyfriend.

Man, I am such a great person.

_Later_

Kiku wasn't in his room… I think the baseball team has mandatory study hall in the library tonight, though. Guess I can wait till after dinner to work my magic…

April 5th

I am going to remain calm. Because I am a calm person and I do not freak out and it is not two o'clock in the morning and I am not sitting in my bathroom repeatedly hitting my head against the wall because that is what crazy people do and I am not crazy and I am also not gay. Not gay. NOT GAY, YOU HEAR ME?

_Later_

Not gay.

_Later_

WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?

_Later_

On my way to the library yesterday I ran into that… that person who shall remain nameless. Anyways, I decided to confront him about the whole Alvarez thing and… God I can't even write about this. But basically what happened is that he was a complete dick and I totally bitched him out about being a stupid, dishonest, stupid jerk off, and he got all up in my business and was all, "what are you going to do about it?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I'm gonna stop you," I said. "There's no way I'm going to let you and Alvarez cheat, and there's definitely _no_ way I'm going to let you win."

"What I think you mean to say [insert stupid Russian word here] is that you are not going to let the _senior_ class win, da?" he asked, fake smile firmly in place. "Or is this _personal_ to you?"

God he's so weird. I don't even know why I ever wanted to be friends with him. He was totally all up in my personal bubble, breathing down my neck and everything like that creepy kid from _Hey Arnold_. Except he doesn't breath funny and he doesn't wear glasses and he wasn't standing behind me and my name isn't Helga, but you know what I mean.

So I pushed him away and told him to stop being so fucking weird and do you know what he did? He grabbed my arm, pulled me to him, and whispered, "Good luck, Alfred. May the best man win." Except he didn't sound like he was wishing me good luck. The tone of his voice was more like, "I'm going to take your first born and put it in a blender" or something freaky like that. And before he said that he… he fucking- Yeah I can't talk about this.

_Later_

But like… I can't believe he did that! And in public no less! Who the fuck- Ugh!

_Later_

I'M NOT GAY, OK?

_Later_

Just because he kissed my cheek doesn't mean anything!

_Later_

I mean of course it doesn't mean anything. Duh! I'm not the one who did the cheek kissing, he is!

_Later_

And if he wants to go around kissing my cheek, then why is he being a douche and ignoring me?

_Later_

Not that I want him to kiss my cheek.

_Later_

Or any part of me for that matter.

_Later_

Because I'm not gay.

_Later_

…I am so going to make him wish he'd never been born. Just you wait, Braginski. The Sophomore class is going to fucking rape you.

_Later_

In a completely non-homosexual way. That statement was in no way a metaphor. Because I am not gay.

_Later_

But uh… yeah. Didn't get a chance to talk to Kiku. I'm gonna have to get on that later. As soon as I figure out a way to kill Braginski.

**April 7th**

I am such an amazing person. Yesterday Peter demanded that Arthur take him rollerskating, and me, being the perfect best friend, told him that I would go along. Of course I had an ulterior motive: I invited Kiku along too! Course Kiku was all, "Oh, sorry, I can't do anything today, I've got a lot of homework and I need to feed Heracles's cats…" But I knew that that was complete bullshit, he just wanted to play videogames all day because that's all we ever do when we have a day off and we're not getting drunk. But I didn't want to tell him that Arthur was going to be there, because I wanted it to be a surprise, so I told him that if he came with me then I'd let him borrow my X-Box for a week, so he's agreed to meet me at the skating rink in half an hour!

Man, I am so cool.

_Later_

So I might sort of really suck at skating, and Peter is probably the most annoying thing on the face of the earth, but it was totally worth it because man, the look on Arthur and Kiku's face when they saw each other… It was fucking _priceless_. And I know I sound like a fucking chick when I say this, but I don't care. You should have seen Arthur; he looked so happy. And I think they both caught on to the fact that I totally planned it, and yeah I got stuck with Peter, but whatever. They're_so_ dating now and it's all thanks to me. God, I'm amazing.

_Later_

And oh yeah. Tomorrow is the first competition. I have no idea what we're doing because I can't be bothered to listen to Arthur's stupid speeches, but whatever it is, Braginski is not winning.

-

**OMAKE**

Roderich was doing something behind the desk, but at the moment Elizabeta couldn't be bothered to ask what he was up to; she had more important things to do. Like watch Alfred and Ivan get it on in Gilbert's bathroom.

"Mhmm,"Alfred hummed; he looked as if he was starting to feel a little tired and fell slightly limp in the other's grasp. "I wish you'd just fuckin…"

"Just what, dorogy?" Ivan murmured, voice low.

Elizabeta gave a squeal of delight as Alfred grinned and closed his eyes. "Kiss me," he said.

All of a sudden the television screen went black and Elizabeta dropped her bag of popcorn and screamed.

"No!" she wailed, "Roddy, what did you do?"

He reappeared with a wire and a pair of scissors in hand. "This has to stop, Elizabeta," he said calmly. "You need help."

-

Translations:  
Dorogoy – darling**  
**


	14. April 8th to 13th

**Fourteen**

**April 8th**

Reasons Elizabeta whatever her last name is needs to get a lobotomy:

**1**. For some reason she's under the impression that Braginski and I "did things" at Gilbert's apartment last weekend, so she's _obviously_ suffering from severe delusions.  
**2**. This would most likely help with that.  
**3**. And I also just think it would be really cool.  
**4**. Plus she seriously freaks me out with her obsession with gay guys and all her creepy… filming.

_Later_

I just spent the last half hour icing the back of my head and looking for Tylenol. Apparently telling Elizabeta that she should get a lobotomy makes her mad. And apparently when she's mad she likes to hit people with things. Like frying pans. Fucking frying pans. What the fuck?

_Later_

I… we… I… and then… and he… and I was… And… I think… I…

_"TEAM AMERICA IS GOING TO KICK SOME ASS. And I don't care what you say Arthur, that is so the name of our team this year. You can't get more cultural than America; us Americans are awesome like that. Oh, anyways, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to ya!"_

"Alfred, where are you? Spirit Week competitions start tonight, remember? And if you don't- Don't touch that, Peter!- If you don't show up I'm going to have to find someone to replace you!"

_"TEAM AMERICA IS GOING TO KICK SOME ASS. And I don't care what you say Arthur, that is so the name of our team this year. You can't get more cultural than America; us Americans are awesome like that. Oh, anyways, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to ya!"_

"There isn't going to _be_ a bloody team America if you don't get your sorry arse out to the soccer field this instant!"

_"TEAM AMERICA IS GOING TO KICK SOME ASS. And I don't care what you say Arthur, that is so the name of our team this year. You can't get more cultural than America; us Americans are awesome like that. Oh, anyways, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to ya!"_

"ALFRED F. JONES SO HELP ME GOD! Where the hell are you? Useless wanker. If you're not here in two minutes Feliciano is going to have to run the race as he's the only one who volunteered. Feliciano. Do you want that? The answer is no. No, you do _not_ want that."

_"TEAM AMERICA IS GOING TO KICK SOME ASS. And I don't care what you say Arthur, that is so the name of our team this year. You can't get more cultural than America; us Americans are awesome like that. Oh, anyways, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to ya!"_

"Alfred… I'm getting a little worried. You missed the race… Which we lost, by the way… Feliciano got scared and ran the wrong way... Anyway, you're not in the dorm… Are you alright?"

**April 9th**

Arthur's mad at me for disappearing yesterday... I don't blame him, it didn't really help our standings.

The competitions are based on a point system: First place gets ten points, second gets eight, third gets six, and last place gets four… So currently the sophomore class is in last place and the seniors are in first because Francis ran the race and he's the fastest soccer player we've got. Arthur says it's because he's a pervert so he's just gotten fast from running from the angry people he's tried to molest.

A Completely Hypothetical Situation that has Absolutely No Founding in Real Life:

Let's say you've got person A and person B. Person A is totally cool and awesome and everyone loves him and wishes they could be him. Person B is weird and creepy and probably a serial killer and stalks people but can also be kind of nice and he's fun to argue with and his family totally sucks and I really hate that. But mostly he's just creepy. Well let's say that person A has decided to be friends with person B, even though person B has been a complete freak and has tried to like, get person A to be his boyfriend. But then person B decides that he doesn't want to be friends anymore and, if we're going to be completely honest, this really pisses off person A. And then person A finds out that while he was drunk, he and person B might have sort of made-out, but person A was so freaking wasted out of his _mind_ he completely forgot about it (which is really scary. I- I mean person A- really needs to lay off on the drinking). So _anyways_, then person B goes back to being a jerk, and now person A is really confused because yeah he's pissed as _hell _at person B, but he can't decide if it's because person B kissed him or because person B is being a complete douche about everything and is really confusing and won't speak to me- I mean person A.

So yeah. What do you think, Mattie?

-Al

_Why the Hell are We Passing Notes Alfred?_

_I think that "person A" is seriously in denial and just needs to talk to "person B". Now either come in here and talk to me or stop shoving notes under my door so I can get back to studying!_

_-Matt_

Because Passing Notes is Awesome

Person A is not in denial.

-Al

_You're Weird._

_Fine. "Person A" is not in denial. Maybe "person A" should go talk to Lovino about this, then. Lovino is the freaking king of "not being in denial."_

_-Matt_

No, I'm Awesome. Note the Subtle Difference.

Well, seeing as this is a totally hypothetical situation, I don't need to talk to Lovino. And even if I did I wouldn't because I'm not in denial dammit.

-Al

_If you say so, Bro._

_I thought we were talking about "person A", not you? :)_

_-Matt_

**April 9th**

Man, what does Matthew know? Going to him for advice was a dumb idea. Stupid Canadian.

_Later_

But I guess it wouldn't hurt to go talk to Lovino.

_Later_

I guess.

_Later_

God, Lovino is such a winey bitch, though. I really can't stand talking to him, especially in person. Maybe I'll just facebook him.

**Alfred****  
**hey lovino whats up?

**Lovino****  
**what the fuck do you want

**Alfred****  
**look i'm sorry about giving you a hard time and yelling at you about braginski and antonio and stuff ok?

**Lovino****  
**whatever. what do you want?

**Alfred****  
**I was just wonderin if you could give me some advice…

**Lovino****  
**god I swear you and braginski are so fucking annoying

**Alfred****  
**?

**Lovino****  
**he asked me for advice about what to do with you a while back, he thought we could relate or some shit like that cause we both have idiots for significant others. not that I give a fuck about antonio. but anyways, i told him that since you're such a fucking jerk to just ignore you, and that if you really cared you'd go crawling back to him.

**Lovino**  
so I take it he's ignoring you and it's pissing you off? just go fucking apologize you dick

_Alfred is offline_

**April 9th**

It fucking figures. It's all Lovino's fault Braginski got weird ideas in his head and is being such an asshole. I fucking hate that little Italian. I hope he chokes on a stromboli and _dies. _Ugh and I had practice this morning and we've got to practice for our skit for the contest tonight in half an hour, and I'm tired as hell and I missed practice yesterday but whatever, I'm naturally awesome so we'll do great. It would probably help if I knew what our skit was though…

_Later_

Who let Feliks pick what we're doing? _Who? _I am going to fucking kill them. I _refuse _to sing "Spice Up Your Life" and I _refuse _to dress up like Posh Spice. _Refuse_.

_Later_

I guess I'll forgive Feliks… But only because we won.

It was actually kinda fun, all things considered (not that I'll ever, ever wear a strapless mini dress ever, ever again). But we got first place, so whatever. Don't ask me why I know all their names, but I was Posh Spice, Feliks was Ginger Spice, Toris was Scary Spice (that afro wig looked pretty freakin' hilarious on him), Lovino was Sporty Spice (he was a stupid a party pooper though- refused to wear a dress), and Feliciano was Baby Spice. Our coordination might have been a little off, but with my sexy legs, Feliks's… Feliksness, and the fact that Feliciano already kind of looks like a chick, winning first place wasn't very hard.

I have no idea what the other classes did since I was backstage the whole time, but I heard a lot of Britney Spears and Justin Bieber so no wonder we won. Spice Girls were _totally_ the way to go. Even if they are British.

Anyways, half an hour before we were supposed to go on Feliks started freaking out because he forgot his shoes and since he and Toris had a lot of makeup to put on he didn't have time to go and get them. So for some weird reason I offered to.

I mean, it's not like it mattered since I knew Braginski wouldn't be in his room, but still, it felt weird going in there. So I went in there thinking I'd just grab Feliks's shoes and run out, but Braginski's door was open and I don't know, I'm just a curious person, so I opened it and peeked inside.

It didn't look any different from the last time I'd been there, except now he had his scarf, a few cleaning supplies, and a book on how to remove stains sitting on his desk.

…You know that feeling you get when you just feel so guilty it's like something cold and sharp has just pierced you through the heart? Yeah that's how I felt. I mean, yeah he's a douche bag and he really pisses me off and totally confuses me and one minute he's almost nice and the next he's a complete nut-job and he totally over reacts over the dumbest stuff, but still…

I guess it is kind of my fault that his scarf got a stain on it.

So I sort of took his scarf, and it's kinda just chillin' on my dresser right now… I'm going to take it to the dry cleaners tomorrow and see if there's anything they can do about it.

**April 10th**

The eating contest is today. I hope its hamburgers. I will fucking _beast _if its hamburgers.

_Later_

It wasn't. I had to eat a whole plate full of "mystery food" that tasted suspiciously of whipped cream, jell-o, cold peas, spam, and over-ripe bananas… And to make matters worse the junior class won. Excuse me while I go throw up…

Alfred's Subconscious:

12:34 AM  
_-and then I fall and I think I've scraped my knee- I must have because there's a bit of blood on my hands, but I don't feel anything. I can't hear anything either, come to think of it, and I feel like that should strike me as odd but it doesn't. And there isn't anything to look at. Just white, everywhere._

_"Excuse me but you're going to have to move," he says._

_Arthur is sitting on a couch next to me, and now we're in my living room back home. I don't know why he's wearing a toga or holding a wand though, so I ask him._

_"That's a silly thing to ask," he says. "Now would you please move?"_

_But when I do he flies away and I-_

_3:28 AM_  
_-think I must have lost her; I don't hear her footsteps anymore. Just to be sure I open every door in the hallway, but Natalia is nowhere to be found._

_Then I hear crying, and even though I've checked every room in this hall I haven't checked this one._

_Sometimes I know when I'm dreaming, and right now I know that I am. I still want to see what's behind that door though, but it won't open; I can't get the knob to turn._

_I think it is frozen. It must be, because there is frost forming on it, and bits of snow are flitting about, coming through cracks that I can't see and resting heavily on my eyelashes. The snow will not melt. And there is still crying, and finally, finally I get the door to open and there is a giant, frigid phantom before me, clutching the shoulders of a frail child._

_I hold my breath and close my eyes; the air is too cold to breathe and I'm afraid the snow might suffocate me and I'm terrified, absolutely terrified that this ghost might try to grab me, too._

_I hear footsteps again and remember that I had been running from Natalia. But I can't just leave this little kid here, this frozen child with pale hair and sad, violet eyes. I open my eyes and reach for his hand. It's cold, and much too small, but I pull and I pull until the ghost has let go of him and we run down the stairs- where has the hall gone?- because Natalia isn't going to catch either one of us._

_"Thank you," he says, and the voice nearly sounds like someone I know-_

_7:45 AM_  
_-but then I'm not really sure why I've got an alien in my dorm room. But I do know that his name is Tony. And for some reason Matthew doesn't find this odd at all, because his teddy bear, Kumajiro, has just gone to the store to buy us dinner._

_"Matthew," I say, "When will we get to eat?"_

_He frowns. "I think I'd much rather be called Canada-_

**April 11th**

…What the fuck did I dream about last night? Seriously. What the fuck. Arthur in a toga. That is a mental image that is going to take _years_ of heavy counseling to erase from my mind and I'm blaming it on the food they made us eat yesterday.

Speaking of which, Braginski was supposed to be the senior class representative for the eating contest but he was a no-show and none of the other seniors would volunteer, so the seniors lost that round by default which is _definitely_ fine by me. Anyways, I've got to go pick up Braginski's scarf. They said the stain would come out easy-no-problem and that it would be done today… I just need to figure out a way to get it in his room without him noticing.

It would probably be easiest to sneak in right before the scavenger hunt tonight. Here's to hoping I don't get caught; that would be kind of interesting to explain…

_Later_

Fuck me. Stupid freshmen won the scavenger hunt. It's not my fault I got distracted by McDonald's. They shouldn't have hidden anything in there. Well ok they didn't hide anything in there but I was hungry, ok? I shouldn't be held accountable for things my stomach makes me do. I don't know why Arthur is mad at me, it's not like we're in last place or anything. We have twenty-eight points and the seniors have twenty-two and as long as we win crew races tomorrow we'll beat them and that's all that matters.

Stupid fucking seniors.

_Later_

Oh wait. The freshman have thirty-two points.

_Later_

How the fuck did the freshman get thirty-two fucking points? Seriously. How? When did that happen?

Does God hate me?

**April 12th**

I told Feliks that I thought I had left my cell phone in his room when I went to go get his shoes, so he gave me his dorm key so I could go and get it, but of course I'd only said that so I could return Braginski's scarf.

But apparently Toris had seen the scarf sticking out of my bag Tuesday night. I'm assuming Braginski interrogated him about the missing scarf and Toris buckled under the pressure and snitched on me because when I opened Braginki's door (why doesn't he ever lock it?) he was sitting at his desk, as if he had been expecting me.

He said something that sort of sounded like "private" but he said it all weird, so I guess it was a stupid Russian word. He smiled, eyes wide and dark. "Have you come to chat?" he asked with false cheerfulness. "Or have you come to return that which you have stolen from me?"

Instinctively I clutched the strap of my book bag, which had his scarf in it. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said.

I don't know why I lied, but I was way too embarrassed to admit to having taken it to have it cleaned. He'd probably read into the gesture, thinking I liked him or something, when really it was just me making sure he has nothing to hold over me. I'd had his scarf cleaned, so now we were even. But I wasn't just going to hand it to him like I'd done it to please him or anything.

But uh… I really don't think that he liked my response because the minute those words left my mouth he stood up, no longer smiling, and had begun to visibly shake.

"Let us cut the games, da?" he said menacingly. "I would like my scarf back, Alfred, and I know that you have it."

I turned around, intent on leaving, but then he grabbed me and on impulse I swung around and slugged him clear across the jaw. He staggered back; I'd probably caught him by surprise. But then he growled and lunged at me, grabbing me by my arms and running me into the wall so hard my head snapped back, hitting the wall.

He grinned, but it was creepier than usual. It had the same, "I'm going to eat your brains and enjoy it" feel, with a little bit of, "I'm also going to violate you" as an added bonus. So of course my natural reaction was to knee him in the gut/groin/whatever I could reach, but he'd already anticipated that and forced his knee between my legs.

I thought he was going to try something weird, but he just stood there looking at me, as if he was surprised by his own actions. It was starting to piss me off though so I snapped at him.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.

"I lied to you that night," he said quietly, slowly seeming to calm down. "That night I told you not to worry, told you to leave me alone. The truth is…" his voice trailed off and he worried at his lip for a moment, nervous. His voice was shaking and his hands felt clammy against my skin.

"The truth is that I have no intension of giving you up, and yet I do not wish to force myself on you because I have been told that that will not lead to a happy relationship, but will only make you hate me."

Finally he let go of my arms, but he wouldn't back up. I don't know why I just stood there, letting him invade my personal space like that. I think it was because I was curious to see what he'd say. After all, if a guy stalks you and acts like a total creeper, it's nice to know why, right?

But then he touched my cheek and his smile wasn't creepy anymore- it was shy, hesitant.

"I wanted to change my approach," he continued. "As much as I enjoyed frightening and angering you, I realized that I wanted… that I wanted more. And so I began to think about how I could better handle the situation, and asked Lovino what I should do, because he is easily upset and not very smart, much like you."

Yeah. He fucking insulted me. So I opened my mouth to tell him off, but he placed his hand over my mouth _and _my nose and I was afraid I might die so I didn't say anything.

"He told me to ignore you, because that is how he always handles Antonio when they have a problem, because eventually Antonio will go to him, wondering what is wrong." he said. "So I tried it, but I fear that I am not strong enough to ignore you, and that is why I turned to angering you again."

He sighed. "And you have been so responsive lately," he frowned, almost absent mindedly stroking my face. "Why did you steal my scarf?"

He stepped closer, if that was even possible, and placed both his hands on either side of my head. "Please tell me you have come to return it," he whispered. "I won't be angry if you do."

And then he tilted his head and his eyes got all foggy and half-closed and holy _shit _I just knew he was going to try to kiss me or something gay like that, and finally (thank god) I snapped out of it and pushed him off of me.

"You know I thought I had misunderstood you or something," I spat. "I honestly did. But I guess my first impression of you was right; you're nothing but a creep. I don't know why I thought we could be friends."

I pulled his scarf out of my bag and tossed it on his desk. "The stain was my fault; we're even now," I said. "So leave me alone."

And I meant it too.

At the time, at least. Now I just feel like I made a huge mistake.

**April 13th**

Canoe races today. I hope Braginski and Alvarez are ready to feel the wrath of my paddle.

_Later_

That sounds a lot weirder than I'd intended…


	15. April 13th to 24th

**Fifteen**

**April 13th**

Ok just because Braginski's canoe tipped over and I jumped out to save him doesn't mean a fucking thing. It's all that fucking Cuban's fault. If he hadn't tried to fucking cheat none of this would have happened.

More later. I promised I'd go with Arthur to take Peter to the airport.

**April 14th**

So yesterday we had crew races at the boat house. It started off normal enough; the weather was perfect, the wind current was perfect, I was perfect- everything was great. Every class had a boat decked out like the country they were representing. The seniors had picked Russia (more like _Braginski _had picked Russia) and we, of course, had picked America. I couldn't tell you what the freshman and juniors were, but the freshman's oars were alternating red, white, and green and the boat had stripes on it, and the junior's oars were red and their boat had a crescent moon and star on it. Whatever countries those are.

Anyways, the race started out well enough and we were in the lead (duh) until fucking Alvarez and his bitches came outta _no_where and bumped into my boat. I yelled at him and told him that this wasn't a fucking bumps race and he just smirked and rammed into me again. Whoever let him be the cock was stupid. Luckily _I _was the cock too, so I used my amazing navigational and steering and leadership skills and got the fuck away from him.

…Except… in my hast I sort of caused our boat to hit another boat that had been a little too close to ours and it had been the senior's. And they sort of lost their balance. And their boat sort of tipped over. And stupid Braginski was stupid and wearing his scarf and _not _wearing a life vest (who let him get in the boat like that?) and I was completely sure that he was going to get tangled up in his stupid scarf and drown and I've heard that drowning really sucks and I couldn't just let him drown because watching someone drown is practically murder and _anyways_ so yeah I sort of saved him.

It took a while for anyone to get to us because we had rowed quite a few yards and I was getting nervous because he was just _laying _there not moving or, or _breathing _or anything so I panicked and slapped at his face a few times to get him to wake up but nothing was working and he was really pale and _still _not breathing so I decided that I just had to get my big boy pants on and put my Red Cross training to work.

Yeah.

You read right. I gave fucking Braginski, asshole extraordinaire, mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

And you know what? He'd been faking it. Before I knew it, he was sneaking a stupid arm around my back and smiling against my mouth and trying to do creepy gay things to me like pull me closer and I was just so freaking _shocked_ that I just sat there totally just… shocked. Yeah.

But then he tried to like, lick me or something, so I pulled away and punched him in the jaw.

"I was simply thanking you for saving me," he said, smirking.

"Yeah, I bet," I said. "It's not funny to joke like that! And why the fuck were you wearing your scarf and _not _wearing a life vest? Are you _trying _to kill yourself? You big stupid_ idiot!" _I punched him again for good measure. "And don't fucking try to kiss me!" I added.

He just laughed. "I could not help myself." Smirk. "Did I worry you?"

Man he was starting to piss me off. "No," I ground out, "You're just stupid."

That just made him laugh harder; he even had to clutch at his sides and, in a completely hetero way, it was kind of cute. Like, not cute, but like, none-creepy. It was a normal laugh. Yeah. Normal. Normal is probably a better word than cute.

Then he stopped laughing and just stared at me. It wasn't creepy or anything; he didn't have that weird glint in his eye and he wasn't doing that scary chuckle he usually does under his breath, he was just… looking at me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Well _that _was unexpected.

"For what?"

"For misjudging you," he said. "Do not get me wrong, I still think that you are rather thick. But my sister," his smile was back. "My sister would say that you… have heart."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. "And take your scarf off. It's soaking wet and you're going to choke yourself."

He just kept smiling a shook his head. "It means that you may have little up here," he pointed to his head, "but you have much here." He pointed to his heart.

"I'm not stupid," I said. He snorted and I rolled my eyes. "Well, whatever," I said. "Thanks for the compliment. I guess."

There was a pause. I wondered if he was going to bring up the scarf incident but I was glad that he didn't. He moved to take his scarf off and wring it out and I took to staring at the ground.

"How's your sister doing, anyways?" I asked quietly, digging into the moist dirt with a small twig.

Braginski didn't say anything so after a moment I looked up; he was staring at me again.

"Dude, _what_ is it?" I asked, exasperated.

I was sure he was going to say something like, earth shattering, but by the time he'd finally bothered to open his mouth Arthur and Matthew had finally made their way over to us with a nurse, so we didn't get to talk.

And oh yeah, the sophomores were disqualified because of Alvarez (haha) and since the seniors and juniors were sort of put out of commission, the freshman won by default. I feel like I should be really pissed off, but I'm not. For some reason, I just feel really… peaceful.

Argh, more later. The cookout is about to start and there is no way I'm letting_ any_one grill without me.

_Later_

So apparently the correct term is cox, not cock. My bad. Guess I heard wrong.

**April 15th**

I think I'm going to have to find new friends. Seriously. Between Matt and Francis and Arthur and Kiku… God, the cookout was like, one big gay love fest. Not that I'm not all for their gay love or anything… I was just seriously feeling like everyone's squeaky third wheel. It was like:

Random person: "Oh, Arthur, Kiku, you guys are so cute together! But who's that person with you?"  
Arthur: "Oh, him? That's just our token straight guy. Never mind him, he just likes to talk about sports and he has no sense of fashion."  
Random person: "Oh, how horrid! However do you manage?"  
Arthur: "Well, we usually just keep him locked up in his room, but sometimes he needs a bit of fresh air so we let him tag along."

I mean seriously, that's how it felt! Why am I the only straight man here?

And piano guy doesn't count.

...Speaking of gay guys, Lovino finally got over himself and talked to Antonio. I haven't got the specifics yet; all I know is that they talked at the cookout and I'm pretty sure they're going back out again. And thank god for that; I don't think anyone could stand Antonio's emo ass much longer, not to mention Lovino was being an even bigger bitch than usual.

Anyways, other than all the gay drama, the cookout was nice. They announced the winners, and since we didn't win I don't really feel like talking about it, but the food was good and I pegged Alvarez in the face with the volleyball. Course then he just tried to return the favor, but Maria stopped him and said that he'd deserved it. Ha. He got told- I love that girl.

Braginski wasn't there though. Not that it matters, I just-

Never mind.

_Later_

Oh my god I just noticed that Natalia hasn't been to class in like, a really long time.

Oh my god does that mean she's been _expelled_?

Dude. _Dude. _Could my life get any better?

_Later_

What_ever, _Arthur. "Kiku was just showing me how to write haiku" my _foot. _Like I'd believe that.

…What the hell is a haiku anyways?

_Later_

Arthur and Kiku are Such Liars

Writing some haiku  
Like I would buy that bullshit-  
More like gay boy sex

Ode to Braginski

When someone texts you  
You're supposed to text them back  
You stupid asshole

Untitled

I just realized  
I never fixed the door knob  
…The school will charge. Fuck.

**April 16th**

So I texted Braginski again and _again _he didn't text back. What is his problem?

I mean I _guess _I told him to leave me alone, but I figured that he kind of figured that I took it back after the whole canoe thing. I mean, we had a nice, civil conversation and everything. Not to mention I fucking _saved_ _his_ _life_. So when someone texts you "wut up" it's nice and fucking polite to text them back, god dammit.

_Later_

Maybe I should just go talk to him? That's what Matt said I should do.

_Later_

Yeah right. I'm not going anywhere _near_ him. What do I care? He'll probably just try to like, kiss me again or something.

_Later_

But I am kinda curious. It would be nice to know if he's doing alright. Not that I really _care _about him or anything, but I'm not heartless. He's been going through some hard times and I know he likes to pretend he's big and tough but I bet he needs a shoulder to cry on.

Not that I want him sobbing all over me like some chick, but you know. It's nice to have someone to talk to. Everyone, even creepy bastards like Ivan, need someone to talk to…

**April 17th**

Oh my god exams are next week. Why the _fuck _didn't anyone tell me?

_Later_

Seriously. Matthew is supposed to tell me these things! He is such a fail at being my little brother/schedule keeper. What the hell man, what the hell.

**April 21st**

I don't… think I can study anymore. Arthur has been drilling me on books and symbolism and definitions and Francis won't shut up about verbs and tenses and phrases and pronunciation and Feliks is all, "Like, Al, you totally mixed up the Supply and Demand curve with the Aggregate Expenditure curve and like, your graphs are _totally _not looking fabulous." And _I'm_ just like ugh my _brain_. How much do they expect me to remember?

And Arthur and Kiku are such fucking perfectionists. They're all, "study harder!"

And I'm all, "Guys, chill. Cs get degrees, ya know?"

And then they _hit _me. Those bastards.

**April 23rd**

So it's reading day, the last day before exams. The good news? We don't have any classes. The bad news? Arthur and Matt are making me sit upstairs in the library with them and their respective boy toys. Again with the gay love convention.

At least they all went downstairs to the coffee shop to get us caffeine- I mean drinks. Well, they left Kiku up here to keep an eye on me. Maybe I can talk him into playing Simon Says or something…

_Five seconds later_

Ixnay on the Simon Says. And Braginski's in the reading room directly across from us. No idea if he's noticed me, but he's surrounded by like, fifty books.

…Stupid Kiku. He's all, "It's very obvious that you're staring."

So I'm like, "I don't know what you're talking about."

And he's all, "Just go talk to him; I know you want to. If you hurry before they get back no one will stop you."

Well I don't know _what _he's talking about. I'm certainly not staring at Braginski and I certainly _don't_ want to go talk to him and even if I _did_ want to I couldn't because I have to study and he's a _jerk_.

_Later_

Well… I _do _need help with trig. But that's the _only _reason I'm going to talk to him.

A Russian Named Stupid Jerk-face  
(Who has no people skills so it's his own damn fault he dies.)

By: A. F. Jones

CAST

Alfred F. Jones, college junior.  
Ivan Braginski, college senior.

SCENE—In a reading room in the second floor of the University's library, a random street, a funeral home.

Act I, Scene I

[In a library. Braginski is reading. Enter Alfred.]

Alfred.  
Hi.

[He is ignored. After a moment, he clears his throat and tries again.]

Alfred.  
Hellooooo-

Ivan.  
Da, I heard you the first time. What do you want?

[Alfred swallows his pride. This is very difficult for him to do and should therefore be greatly appreciated.]

Alfred.  
I wanted to talk to you. We never got to finish our conversation the other day.

Ivan.  
Oh? And what did you want to talk about?

Alfred.  
Look, you don't have to get snippy with me. Can we just forget everything a start over? Let's be… friends.

Ivan.  
I don't think-

[He is cut off. Alfred slams his hands on the table. A few books fall to the ground.]

Alfred.  
Can we just cut the crap? You're a freaking weirdo but for some reason I still want to be friends with you so can you just accept that and get over it? You seemed to want to be friends the other day so why can't we be? Huh? I'm sorry for treating you like crap. Why can't we just start over? I think… Well, I don't think you're all that bad, ok?

Ivan.  
I cannot be friends with you, Alfred.

Alfred.  
Well why the _hell_ not?

Ivan.  
Because… for me being friends would not be enough. And I have already told you; I will not settle for anything less. I know that this is unfair to you, but I will not apologize for my behavior; that is how I am. So we will either have to go our separate ways, or you will have to concede to being mine.

Alfred.  
That's just… That's just stupid and selfish! So what, I don't like you like that so we can't even be _friends_? That's bullshit, Braginski. I'd be totally cool with how things have been –minus the fights and the …kissing, of course.

[Ivan has begun to visibly shake. He sets his pencil down, but it has already splintered.]

Ivan.  
_I _am being selfish?

Alfred.  
Yeah. You are. Here I am, _trying _to be friends with you and _trying _to understand you and you're… you're just being stupid! I'm sorry I don't feel the same, ok? But I just can't. I'm not gay. I'm _sorry_. But… But that doesn't mean I don't care. Ok? Cause I do. I want to know what's going on with you. I want to know how your sister is. I want to know if you've gotten into that dance school. I do. I _do_ care.

[Ivan looks down.]

Ivan. [His voice is quivering and is barely above a whisper.]  
Please just leave… I cannot deal with this… with _you_ right now.

Alfred.  
Ivan, plea-

[He is cut off.]

Ivan.  
I said _go!_

[Alfred is startled. He hesitates, but after a pause he turns to the door.]

Alfred.  
Call me, ok?

[Ivan gives no indication that he has heard him. Exit Alfred.]

Scene II

[A few weeks later. It is midnight and Ivan is walking down a random street.]

Ivan.  
Perhaps I should have called Alfred… He was right, we _should _be friends. I can put my gayness aside for the sake of our friendship.

[He reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. He crosses the street but does not look where he is going. He is hit by an oncoming eighteen wheeler.]

Ivan.  
Oh… I am dying… If only I had told Alfred we could be friends…

[He dies.]

Scene III

[A few days later, in a funeral home. It is Ivan's funeral.]

[No one comes because Ivan is a douche bag and doesn't call people when they're told to and he's a shitty friend. So yeah. No one went to his funeral. Serves him right.]

The End.

**April 23rd**

He _better _call me. Cause if he doesn't… I did _not _just spill my guts to him to have him ignore me. We are _going_ to be friends if he likes it or not. Or I _will _find an eighteen wheeler and run him over with it.

Plus our trig exam is like, in two days. And I really, _really _need help.

**April 24th**

Braginski never called. Fuck him, whatever.

I have my first exam in… T minus 2 hours. Ugh. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

**OMAKE**

Lovino is a man of his word. So when he says that he will _not _be talking to that _bastard _ever again and that _no, _they are _not _taking a break thank you we've _broken up- _he means it. Honest. He really does.

If it seems like he's been staring listlessly at his barbeque and shooting side-long glances to the young Spanish man sitting two seats down on the other side of the picnic table, then it must be a trick of the light because he isn't. He _isn't, _dammit, and these past few weeks _haven't _been absolutely torturous.

Except they have.

But it's not like he's going to tell anyone that, least of all Antonio.

And where is his brother? It's Feliciano's fault he's here in the first place; it isn't as if he wants to be out here in this sweltering summer heat, not when he can be sleeping.

He looks around and finds his younger brother playing volleyball with some of his friends. He scoffs. It figures.

He looks back to his plate. Why had he agreed to this? Lovino _hates _this sort of food. Baked beans, shredded pork… _corn. _He'd much rather have some nice, cold _salomorejo- _Oh, but Antonio has yet to teach him how to make that dish. And he will never learn, because Antonio is graduating and going home to Spain this summer and probably _staying _there and never, ever coming back. But what does it matter?

Lovino hates Antonio.

Hates him for pretending to care. Hates him for making _him _care. Hates him for making him feel like for once, he did not have to stand in Feliciano's shadow. Hates him for agreeing to the break up. Hates him for not fighting.

Antonio did not fight for their relationship. And that is why Lovino knows that Antonio does not care, never cared. He knows that he is not worth it, anyways, so why bother crying? He is rude, he knows he is not likeable. He knows that he drives people away with his attitude. He doesn't have the right to cry.

But he is.

He doesn't notice this until it is too late though; by the time he feels a tear roll down his cheek it has quickly been followed by two, three more.

He raises a hand to his face and angrily wipes them away, hoping that no one else has noticed.

But of course no one else has noticed, he realizes with surprise. Everyone else has left the table already.

Everyone that is except for Antonio.

Antonio who will be gone forever in eighteen days. Gone, gone… Lost to the summer skies of Madrid, lost to the streets of Pamplona, lost to the shores of the Canary Islands. Lost to him. And he doesn't care. Antonio _doesn't care._

Lovino wishes that he could move. He wishes that he could get up and just walk away, like Antonio had walked away from him. But he can't; he doesn't want Antonio to think him weak, to think that he can't even handle sitting in the same vicinity as him. So he stays.

It is Antonio who gets up.

Lovino tries not to smile bitterly.

Antonio walks around the table and sits down next to him. Lovino freezes, not expecting this. He wants to shout, to shove him away, to punch him. And he will. He will, just as soon as he stops shaking.

But then Antonio starts to speak. And it's not what Lovino expected to hear; the words seem foreign, strange to him. Why is Antonio saying this? Why is he lying?

Lovino swears that he is going to punch him now. He swears it.

"I'm sorry, Lovi," Antonio says. And he sounds sorry. Oh, but Antonio _always_ sounds sorry. He is so _good _at sounding sorry. But he doesn't believe him. Not anymore.

"I wanted this to be a surprise," he continues to speak, "But then…" He stops.

There is silence.

Lovino cannot stand the silence.

"If you've got something to say then spit it out," Lovino says.

"I wasn't expecting you to break up with me," Antonio says in a rush, as if he can't trust himself to get it out if he doesn't say it quickly.

Lovino has nothing to say to that.

After all, _he _wasn't expecting Antonio to just… leave the country without telling him.

"But if you don't mind my asking… why?" Antonio's voice is barely above a whisper and Lovino will not look at him, but he knows. He knows that there is a small frown on his face. But whether it is meant to convey sadness or conceal something less sincere Lovino does not know. Does not care to know.

"Why what?" Lovino asks anyways.

"Why did you break up with me?"

Lovino finds it very funny that now, weeks after they'd broken up, he asks.

He gives a humorless laugh.

"I guess for the same reason you're going to Spain," he says.

Antonio is very puzzled by this response. "You knew?" he asks. "Then why…?"

Lovino can't take it anymore; he loses his temper. He is torn between punching Antonio across the face or bashing his head into the food that he refuses to touch. "You son of a-"

But before Lovino can finish his thought Antonio has shoved something under his nose. It is a ticket.

A ticket to Spain.

"This was the surprise; I was going to ask you to come with me to meet my grandparents," Antonio says quietly.

For the second time today, Lovino finds himself crying. And for the first time in a while, he admits to himself that maybe he had been wrong.

"_Stupido_!" he says, over and over again. He punches Antonio's arm. "Why didn't you _say _so?"

Antonio laughs. "It was supposed to be a surprise, _querido._"

"_Testa di merda_!" he shouts, grabbing Antonio and kissing and hitting and kissing him again. "I don't like surprises!"

Translations:

_Testa di merda- _shit head

**A/N:** That omake really took over- sorry about that. I wasn't expecting that, but Lovino would not shut up. I would have posted it as a separate side story or something but that just felt… silly to me haha so I posted it here. Also, my Cold War ideas fell short, but hopefully what I have planned will work. I rarely end up with my original plans...


	16. April 25th to May 2nd

**Sixteen**

**April 25th**

The trig exam is the day after tomorrow. I emailed my teacher and she said she'd be more than happy to review with me tonight. Hopefully that'll work; I really can't afford to fail this class…

_Later_

That did absolutely _nothing_. Nothing, I tell you. I am going to fail trig and it is all Braginski's fault. If he had just tutored me like he's friggin _supposed _to then I wouldn't be in this mess. Stupid asshole, costing me my grade. Maybe Kiku can help. He's good at all that nerdy stuff since he's Asian and all...

**April 26th**

What the fuck is everyone's problem? Seriously. Everyone in this dorm is sighing and acting all listless and droopy. These people seriously need a hug. Or some Prozac. Maybe both. Matt's been reading over his organic chem stuff for the past half hour, and every time he turns the page in his notebook he sighs. And Arthur is quizzing Kiku on some like, psychology shit or something, and they both sound like they're about to cry.

I mean, I get that studying is depressing, but _honestly_.

_Later_

Well _excuse _the fuck out of me for not being an emotional _girl_. How the fuck was I supposed to know that they're all sad to be leaving their little boyfrien- Wait.

Wait no.

OMG ARTHUR IS LEAVING ME.

ARTHUR IS LEAVING ME FOR LIKE, THREE MONTHS.

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME GOD WHY.

A Note between Alfred and Arthur as They Sit in the Common Area While Alfred Looks Like a Kicked Puppy and Arthur Attempts to not Harm Him with Something Large and Blunt for Being Annoying:

Hey Artie!_-… .- …_

_What the feck is that meant to be._

Morse Code.

_Why the bloody hell are you writing to me in bloody Morse Code._

Because it's fun._ -… .- … - .- .-. -.._

_GO STUDY_

No_._

_Well at least stop passing me notes. What are we in, primary school?_

But I like talking to you, Artie. :(

_…What do you want, Alfred?_

I don't want you to go back to England.

_Don't be a prat. You know I'll be back in the States in July for the entire month._

REALLY? :D Oh But... But you'll just be with Kiku. And you won't have time for me and you'll leave me forever. :(

_Alfred… Kiku lives in your neighborhood._

I knew that.

_…Why am I best friends with an idiot? I'm getting you a GPS for your birthday, I swear._

I still don't want you to go back to England. That evil witch and your stupid brothers will try to eat your soul or something.

_What, is little Alfie worried about me?_

No. It's just more convenient if you stay. If you're coming back, why leave at all?

_Alfred?_

Yeah?

_I'm glad we're close, and I'm extremely happy that you're this attached, but I don't think I'm ready for that level of commitment yet._

Hey, don't start getting all homo on me now!

_Oh shut it ya git, you started it. I wouldn't come on to you if you were the last man on earth._

Likewise. Ew.

_You're telling me. I find that though deeply disturbing._

For real. Hey… Arthur?

_Yes? And why the bloody hell are we _still _passing notes?_

Cause it's awesome. Um… Even if you had to move back home forever and you could never come back to the USA, we'd still be best friends right?

_Alfred, you're gone off. If that ever happened your sorry arse would be moving to London. That's a right stupid question to ask._

Haha, I was just wondering.

_Why?_

No reason.

**April 27th**

I should probably go to bed. My math exam is at twelve and being up till freaking five o'clock in the morning is probably not the best idea I've ever had, but I just can't get to sleep. I feel like… I don't know. I just-

Graduation. Graduation is in five days. And when people graduate they don't come back.

And that means that I'll never see Ivan again.

I don't know why I never thought of this before. I guess I always just figured he'd always be, you know, right around the corner being weird and not leaving me alone. I figured there'd always be a tomorrow. I figured that it was ok to fight and not talk, because no matter what he'd _never _leave me the fuck alone and now he'll be gone in five days and he _won't _speak to me and I just realized that it's… Five days. _Five _fucking days.

And then what? Then what happens? What happens to me? What happens to _him_?

Maybe I should have given him a chance or something. It's not like I'm gay or anything, but maybe I should've just… Whatever. I don't know what the fuck I'm saying; I'm not like that. I'm just confused. I just don't want him to go. Why'd he even care so much, huh? I was never nice to him. I never said a damn nice word to him and neither did anyone else, really. And his god damn _family- _I could just-

And now he's leaving and I shouldn't care, I really shouldn't because dammit I _tried _to be his friend, I really did. I _tried _to be there for him. I mean, I know it took a while, but cut me some slack. That guy is fuckin _weird. _So it's his own damn fault. _He_ drove me away. _He _chose to be alone.

And I am _not _going to sit here and beat myself up for not being nicer to him sooner.

He doesn't make any damn sense. Fucking… Buggin me out of nowhere. What the hell was that all about? I would have been just fine if he'd just left me alone. Just fine.

But I guess no one really likes to be alone.

**April 28th**

Since Matt wants to see Francis graduate we're going to stay till the 2nd. Dad should be here the 1st though; he wants to see Francis, too. He won't say it, but he likes Francis. They're actually kind of cute together- Matt being all awkward and quiet, Dad being all awkward and talking everyone's head off, and Francis trying his hardest to get Dad's approval. Anyways, I'm stay in Ontario till Mid June, and I convinced Mattie to come with me to New York for a bit. I know Mom and Matt have their differences, but I know they miss each other. And then we'll be spending the rest of the summer at Francis's beach house, like we did last summer…

So… That'll be nice. I guess.

_Later_

I don't… I don't want to see him graduate.

**April 30th**

Yeah… No. I'm going back to bed. Screw packing.

_"Hey, you've reached Alfred. Well, I mean, my answering machine. Er, voice mail. Whatever, you know what I mean. Anyways, leave your name and number and stuff like that and I'll definitely get back to ya. Probably. Maybe. IDK, I'm pretty busy doin awesome and heroic stuff. You know, the usual. But I'll try to remember. Actually, you should probably just call my brother. You know-"_

"Hey _querido, _what's the deal, are you avoiding me? I've facebooked you like, eight times! We need to hangout again before school's out! Alvarez and I are heading back to Florida on the 2nd, so if you want to see my beautiful face before next August you better call me back!"

_"Hey, you've reached Alfred. Well, I mean, my answering machine. Er, voice mail. Whatever, you know what I mean. Anyways, leave your name and number and stuff like that and I'll definitely get back to ya. Probably. Maybe. IDK, I'm pretty busy doin awesome and heroic stuff. You know, the usual. But I'll try to remember. Actually, you should probably just call my brother. You know-"_

"Hello Alfred. This is Wang Yao, aru. I was just calling to remind you that you still owe me money. Please let me know when it would be to your convenience for me to come and retrieve it, aru."

_"Hey, you've reached Alfred. Well, I mean, my answering machine. Er, voice mail. Whatever, you know what I mean. Anyways, leave your name and number and stuff like that and I'll definitely get back to ya. Probably. Maybe. IDK, I'm pretty busy doin awesome and heroic stuff. You know, the usual. But I'll try to remember. Actually, you should probably just call my brother. You know-"_

"Alfred, seriously, answer your phone! What is the matter with you? You better call me back, or I'll get Alvarez to beat you up! Except that would probably be a bad idea; he always gets you and your adorable brother mixed up… But still! You better call me!"

_"Hey, you've reached Alfred. Well, I mean, my answering machine. Er, voice mail. Whatever, you know what I mean. Anyways, leave your name and number and stuff like that and I'll definitely get back to ya. Probably. Maybe. IDK, I'm pretty busy doin awesome and heroic stuff. You know, the usual. But I'll try to remember. Actually, you should probably just call my brother. You know-"_

"That's it! You're pissing me off! I'm coming over tomorrow at twelve and we are going out! No excuses!"

**April 30th**

Geez. I misplaced my phone yesterday and now Maria's got her panties in a bunch. I called her back and asked if we could reschedule for the 2nd; we're both leaving that day, but we can have lunch first. It's gonna have to be her treat though; I'm broke as hell. Speaking of which… Yao wants to collect. Guess I'm gonna have to avoid him for the next few days. There is no way I can pay him back right now. Maybe I can just mail him a check over the summer? Whatever, I'll worry about it later. I really just don't even want to think right now. Too bad I can't get drunk in the middle of the day.

Elizabeta's Hand-held Camcorder:  
_May 1st, 10:45 AM_  
_Graduation_

Elizabeta squealed as Roderich walked up to the stage to accept his diploma and zoomed in to get the perfect view.

"It's a pity that gown covers his ass," a voice said from her left. "He's got such an awesome ass."

"He really does," Elizabeta said, sighing. Then, realizing who had made that remark screeched, "Hey, don't you dare stare at him!" The view of the graduation ceremony was lost as she turned to hit someone, catching the top of Gilbert's head and his flailing arms on video as she proceeded to beat him with something.

"Stupid bitch," he mumbled. "That hurt."

"That'll teach you," she said with a 'humph'.

She turned the attention of the camera (and herself) back to the ceremony, but noticed that Feliciano and Ludwig were cuddling a few seats down and turned to film them instead.

"It's hot out here, Ludwig, is it almost over?" Feliciano asked, pouting. "I want to eat gelato and take a nap."

Ludwig patted his shoulder. "It's just a little longer," he whispered, placing a tiny kiss at his temple. "Please be quiet, Feliciano, it's rude to talk."

Feliciano's pout only grew bigger at that, as did Elizabeta's cooing. "I'll be quiet," he whispered, "if Ludwig gives me a kiss."

Elizabeta squeed so loud at that remark that whatever Ludwig had said went unheard, but no one could miss the blush on his cheeks.

"Elizabeta," a voice with a distinct British accent could be heard from her right. "Are you hear to film the graduation or not?"

She turned and caught a disgruntled Arthur on camera.

"I was, but it's so boring," she said. "What's got you all grumpy?"

"Nothing," he said. "Just don't know where Alfred's gotten off to is all…"

Kiku, who was sitting on Arthur's right, caught Elizabeta's attention. He smiled slyly, pointing to his and Arthur's joined hands. Elizabeta's grin was quite evident in her slightly maniacal laugh as she discreetly changed the focus of the camera from Arthur's face to Kiku, who, after giving a quick glance around, slowly inched his mouth towards Arthur's neck, where he gave a gentle lick. Arthur screamed and pushed the camera away, causing Elizabeta to drop it.

The camera fell behind them and pointed off towards a small group of bushes, where a young woman with a bow in her hair and an eerie expression on her face could be seen crouching amongst the foliage…

**May 2nd**

I didn't go to graduation yesterday. Matt was kind of bummed and Arthur was pissed and my dad thinks I was being lazy, but I told them that my allergies had been so bad my meds knocked me out. I don't know if they believed me, but whatever.

Anyways, I haven't checked my mailbox in ages, so I figure I should do that before the post office closes for the summer…

_Later_

There was a letter in my mailbox. It was neither addressed to anyone, nor signed. But I knew it was for me and I knew it was from Ivan. So I took it to my room and I read it, which is when Maria found me. I'd forgotten all about having lunch with her today until she'd knocked on my door and let herself in.

I… I like Maria for several reasons.

I like her because she knows when to ask questions and she knows when to let me be. I like her because she understood what was going on, and she didn't make me feel any worse about it.

But mostly I like her because she let me cry, and afterwards she pretended that I hadn't.

A letter that Alfred found in his mailbox:

_April 13th, 20XX_

_There once was a little boy named Vanya who loved his mother, Vasilisa, and his older sister, Katyusha, very much. Even though they were poor and had little to eat they were still happy because they were together. But one winter when they were both still very young, their mother fell ill and she was so cold and frail that the children feared she would not survive to see the spring. Because of this Katyusha set out to make her a scarf, but before it could be completed she passed away. Katyusha blamed herself, thinking that if she had just worked harder she could have finished the scarf in time and their mother could have been saved._

_Their mother's death had been General Winter's fault though, not his darling sister's, so Vanya did not blame her at all. But now they were completely alone, and the days were growing colder. Katyusha finished the scarf and gave it to Vanya, telling him that it would protect him from General Winter. But the children still had Baba Yaga to worry about, and with no one else to turn to, they were forced to live with their mother's brother, Ioseb._

_At first Ioseb seemed to be very nice. He fed the children and made sure that they got an education, something that their mother had been unable to do, but after a few seasons passed, Ioseb became cruel. He would beat them and leave horrible marks where no one else could see, especially on Vanya, and go days without giving the children food, especially poor Katyusha._

_All of this they could tolerate though, until Ioseb tried to separate them. He told Vanya that he wanted to send Katyusha away to the Gulags because she was not a good girl, but Vanya begged him not to. He knew that Katyusha was not bad. She only cried because she was so sad and hungry. But he swore that he would be good enough for the both of them, and secretly he swore to Katyusha that when they were older he would take them both far away, to a warm, happy place, where Ioseb and General Winter couldn't get them. To a place with lots of food, to a place where it was spring all the time and flowers, especially sunflowers, always bloomed._

_But one day Ioseb tried to separate them again, and this time he succeeded. But it was not Katyusha that he sent away; it was Vanya. And he had been sent to Eden, but it was incredibly cruel, because he could not share it with his sister. He had tried, but she had moved on and found someone else to care for her, someone who hated him and didn't want them to talk. And he was sure that Katyusha hated him now as well._

_And as unbearable as it was, Vanya still did not feel so alone, because he had found something in the strange new land that he had been banished to. Vanya had found a sunflower, and because of this, he had found the strength to carry on._

_Vanya was not very good at making friends. He did not understand the things that people did, or why they did them; he had only even been close to his mother and his sister. But the sunflower made him want to open up to others, made him realize that he did not have to be alone. Vanya mistreated the sunflower though, and so it was no wonder the sunflower did not want to be his friend._

_It was too late when Vanya realized that he loved the sunflower. The sunflower no longer wanted anything to do with him. And so Vanya vowed to let him go because, it turns out, he _had_ learned something. He wanted the sunflower to be happy._

_And so he let him go._

_Прости меня за все, что я натворил. И все же я рад, что повстречал тебя. Cпасибо за все._

The end.

Translations:

Прости меня за все, что я натворил. И все же я рад, что повстречал тебя. Cпасибо за все.- I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm glad that I got to meet you. Thank you.

A very special thanks to **Jileine** for the Russian translations! You rock my socks~

**A/N: **Ivan's letter and their uncle's treatment of them is loosely based on Stalin's rule during the USSR. Anyways, the letter is meant to be read as sort of a fairy tale, so don't take it too literally. Vasilisa is the name of a character from Russian folklore, as is Baba Yaga, who was a witch that would sometimes eat children… Also, I'm revising the story, so if you've noticed differences, that's why.


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

_June 4th, 20XX_

Dear Ivan,

I'm really sorry. I was such a shit friend and I totally understand if you never want to talk me but I just-

_June 5th, 20XX_

Dear Ivan,

How are you? I know that we haven't spoken in a little over a month, but I was just writing to see how you're doing. I spent the first part of the summer in Canada with my dad and Matthew and now we're back in New York with my mom. Been here for about a week. I friended you on facebook but I guess you never check it. Anyways, I just wanted-

_June 5th, 20XX_

Braginski-

What the fuck is your problem, dude? Seriously. You can't just write a letter like that and then never fucking talk to me again. Fucking accept my friend request. Answer my emails. Something! Don't just fucking ignore me. It's really annoying and really shitty of you. How am I supposed to-

_June 6th, 20XX_

Braginski-

You fucking suck and I'm writing this letter to tell you that if you ever want to talk to me again don't bother because I will not write back. Because you are an asshole and-

_June 7th, 20XX_

Braginski-

Ok, just for the record, I totally like girls. So please stop sneaking into my dreams. It's really weird. And creepy. And weird. And it really confuses-

_June 7th, 20XX_

Dear Ivan,

I miss you. Ok? I'll admit it. And I also sort of think I might [the words have been scratched out so many times the paper is torn.]

_June 8th, 20XX_

Dear Ivan,

…Why am I even bothering? This is probably the twentieth letter I've attempted to write. But it's not like I know where you are or if you'd even read this. I just want to know that you're ok. I wish you'd try to get in touch with me. It's not like you don't have my email address. I guess I just… Never mind.

**June 9th**

God it is so freaking hot in this apartment. Why do I have to work today. I don't want to. Ugh. Why is my life so haaaaaard. Why does Mattie get to work in a nice little doctor's _air conditioned _office when I have to friggin wash dishes from five to ten Thursday to Monday. Ugh. When does school start? This place sucks. I'm too awesome for manual labor.

Speaking of school, I never checked my grades… Guess I should do that. Do I even remember my password?

Alfred F. Jones  
_Spring Semester Final Grades_

Macro Economics: C

Creative Writing: B

Trigonometry: C

Basic Design: F (I didn't even know I was _taking _this class. Oops.)

French I: B

**June 9th**

Sooooo not showing mom my grades.

**Arthur Kirkland **will be in the US of A tomorrow night. I hope you all didn't miss me too terribly much.

Seven people like this.

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones **OMFG DON'T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN. I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM SEVERE BRITISH WITHDRAWLS FOR A TOTAL OF… 39 DAYS. BECOME A US CITIZEN ALREADY GEEZ.

**Arthur Kirkland **you forgot to take your pills again, didn't you? I knew it was a bad idea to leave you to your own devises.

**Kiku Honda **I'm looking forward to seeing you, Arthur. Perhaps now Alfred will stop moping around my house.

**Arthur Kirkland **likewise, luv ;) I'm terribly sorry you had to deal with my pathetic best mate; hope it wasn't too much trouble.

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones **I DO NOT MOPE. AND STFU ARTHUR.

**June 10th,**

I took the day off from work so I could clean up around the house and get Arthur a welcome home gift. We're gonna throw him a little party. It was Matt and Kiku's idea but I like parties so I'm all for it. Mom's on-call tonight at the hospital anyways so we've got the apartment all to ourselves. I wonder if we can get him a male stripper, just to see what he'd do… Oh man, he'd probably kill me. But it would so be worth it.

Oh my god.

So, I'm on the sub right now and there's someone sitting a few feet away from me with really light blond hair… and he's wearing a scarf. He's got his head buried in a book, but I'm sure it's him. What the fuck is he doing in New York? I have half a mind to fucking-

**June 11th**

So yesterday me and Kiku and Matthew met Arthur at the airport and then we took the sub back to my place where we proceeded to get completely shit faced and we had a sleepover and it was awesome because I had like, all of my favorite people with me and we played video games all night and Matthew dared me to drink a whole gallon of milk and I did but then I threw up but it was still really cool. Kiku caught it on his camera so the entire world will now be able to witness how awesome I am.

But um… I swear to god that I saw Ivan on the sub yesterday. I was totally going to give him what for since he's, you know, in fucking _New_ _York _and didn't fucking _tell me_, but then we stopped and he got up to get off and I wasn't completely sure that it was him so I didn't say anything.

I sorta hope it was him… Just so, next time I see him, I can rip him a new one.

From: Alfred Jones  
To: Maria Santos  
Subject: sup

Hey Maria, it's been ages! Sorry I haven't emailed in a while. Been pretty busy with work and stuff… Anyways, what's up? How's the Sunshine State? I betcha can't wait to see my beautiful face. ;) Don't worry, we'll all be headin for FL in about three weeks. Gonna make Francis throw me and Matt a birthday party and I know a certain sexy lady who has to be there. :D

Anyways, I was just wondering if you could tell me if you know what Braginski is up to? I'm just curious, you know. Haven't spoken to him in a while… Have you talked to him? I was just wondering.

Can't wait to see ya!

From: Maria Santos  
To: Alfred Jones  
Subject: Alfred~~! xxoo :D

Darling, where have you been all my life? I feel like I haven't talked to you in years! I'm doing well; been perfecting my tan. ;)

Why do you ask? I mean, I haven't talked to him, but I heard from Alvarez who heard from Matthew who heard from Gilbert who heard from Antonio who heard from Lovino who got an email from him a while back saying that he was doing well.

Hurry up and get your ass down here!

From: Alfred Jones  
To: Maria Santos  
Subject: (none)

Um… No reason. Never mind.

To: Alfred Jones  
From: Maria Santos  
Subject: (none)

Oh honestly, Alfred. He made Lovino swear not to tell you, and I wasn't going to say anything either, but since you asked… I'm just going to put you both out of your misery.

He's interning at the School of American Ballet over the summer. I swore I wouldn't say anything to you, but since you asked…

Dammit Alfred, just go talk to him. Ok?

To: Maria Santos  
From: Alfred Jones  
Subject: I KNEW IT

I FUCKING KNEW THAT WAS HIM.

I so saw him on the subway the other day. But anyways…

To: Alfred Jones  
From: Maria Santos:  
Subject: …

Just admit it, Al. You like him.

…Don't talk to me until you've seen him.

To: Maria Santos  
From: Alfred Jones  
Subject: :(

You're mean.

To: Maria Santos  
From: Alfred Jones  
Subject: (none)

AND I DON'T LIKE HIM. DAMMIT.

**June 13th**

Ok, so I'm still really freaking pissed at him for ignoring me, but still. Damn… I'm kinda proud.

Ivan's… well, he's doing something he loves.

_Later_

I hope he's happy.

**June 14th**

So for the past few days I've sort of been thinking up every excuse I can to take the bus or the subway to 9th Avenue around the same time so I can catch him again, but I haven't seen him since the other day and I'm getting kind of pissed. And Matthew and Arthur are kind of getting sick of me disappearing at the same time everyday without an explanation, but what I am supposed to say? "Oh, brb guys, just going out to stalk my ex-stalker! Har har har!" Yeah. I didn't think so. And I think stupid fucking Kiku is on to me.

Yesterday when I left to "go pick up some groceries" he followed me to the door and asked if I wanted company. I was like, "Oh, haha! No thanks, pal!" And then he asked me if I was meeting with someone and I said no and he gave me The Look and made that "mhmm" noise he makes when he knows that something else is going on.

Anyways, I'm off to see if I can catch him today. I'm gonna have to sneak out this time though…

_Later_

So… Arthur and Kiku and Matthew totally followed me in a cab all the way to the Lincoln Center, but they didn't _tell_ me that they'd stalked me until I'd been there for a while. So pretty much they watched me sit on a park bench, sweating my ass off, and feeding pigeons as I stared at everyone that walked by.

"Erm, what are you doing?" Arthur asked, coming up behind me and scaring the living shit out of me.

I made up some excuse about how I just liked to go there to sit and think, but I guess that was a bad excuse cause they all sort of scoffed when I said that. Well, Kiku tried to be polite and covered it up with a cough, but I still heard it. The bastard. And then he was like, "Are you sure you don't just like coming here because of a certain dancer?"

I gave this fake laugh and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Kiku! It's not like I'm here to see Ivan or anything!"

They all just sort of stared at me. And Arthur looked like he was choking on one of his Death Scones or something.

Yeah that was definitely the part where I blew my cover. I patted myself on the back for that one. Way to _go_, Al. Way to fucking go. That was probably _the _most awkward bus ride home.

…I'm going back _alone_ tomorrow. And I'm going to make sure that those nosey little butt heads mind their own friggin beeswax this time. And… and _this _time, I'm actually going to go inside!

Yeah.

…Stupid Kiku.

Security Camera: The Lobby  
_June 15th 11:45 AM_  
_The Juilliard School of Dance, Drama, and Music_

Alfred, wearing a plain red t-shirt and cargo shorts, sauntered up to the information desk. The middle-aged receptionist smiled at him warmly. "How can I help you?" she asked.

Alfred flashed her a big smile, trying to conceal his unease, and casually leaned against the counter. "I was hoping you could tell me where I could find Ivan Braginski?" he asked.

She raised a brow, turning away from her computer and giving him her full attention. "Who?"

"You know- really tall, really light hair, big nose, wears a scarf…" He made wild hand gestures to try and get his point across. "Ivan Braginski. Russian dude? Does ballet? Kinda weird? Teacher-person-thing?"

She made a slight "Oh!" sound and nodded. "May I ask the nature of this visit and what your relation is to Mr. Braginski?"

Alfred faltered and scratched at his cheek. "Erm, well… Friends? I think?"

She raised a brow. Again. "I see," she said. "Well, Mr. Braginski is busy right now, but if you'd like you're more than welcome to sit in the lobby and wait. I'm sure he'll be on his lunch break soon; I'll notify him that you're here to see him."

Alfred frowned and started to fidget. "No, you see, I have to see him now; it's really urgent."

The receptionist was starting to lose her patience. "Sir, if it's that important then you'll just have to call him-"

"But I don't have his number and I really-"

"Then you're just going to have to wait," she cut him off.

Alfred pouted and crossed his arms, glaring at her.

She narrowed her eyes. "Over _there, _sir," she said, pointing to a small sitting area near the opposite wall. "Like I said, I'll notify him."

Alfred grumbled under his breath and walked towards the sitting area, pulling a face and mocking her as he turned around.

He watched her for a while and not once did she pick up her phone. He narrowed his eyes and was about to say something to her when she got up from her seat. She pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse and headed for the main entrance to take a smoke break.

Alfred smiled to himself. He waited until she was sitting at a bench a few yards away then stood up and walked through a set of doors to the left of her desk, a set of doors that quite a few people- many of them dancers- had walked through.

**June 16th**

Oh my FUCKING GOD. What the fuck. He fucking- I don't even- I just-

UGH.

Ok. So _first _of all, that receptionist lady was such a complete bitch. I mean _damn. _I just wanted to see someone, it's not like I was there to shoot up the place. Stupid hag wouldn't let me in! Luckily she went out for a smoke, so I just snuck in. Man, I'm good.

So anyways, I just sort of walked around, peeking into rooms. There were few offices, but most of them were dance studios. I didn't want to barge in on a class though, so I just tried to act cool (It wasn't hard) and asked this kid that I came across where Ivan was.

As soon as I mentioned his name he began to shake. It was the weirdest thing. "H-he's in room 2-211. Th-that's his office," he stuttered and scurried off. I couldn't help but laugh; knowing Ivan, he probably scared the shit out of these kids.

So anyways, I took the stairs two at a time and walked down the hall till I came to the right door. But as soon as I reached it I totally froze. I mean, it's not like I was scared or anything, but, ok, I was a little freaked out. I mean, I had no idea what I was going to say to him, ya know?

So I just stood there. And stood there. Aaaaaand stood there some more. Until I heard this strangled gasp from behind me. I jumped about fifty fucking feet in the air and whirled around… and came face to face with Ivan.

…I guess it was a good thing I hadn't knocked yet, since he wasn't even in there and all…

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Sweat clung to his brow and he was only wearing a pair of shorts. (Why did I even write that? What the fuck.) Anyways, he was holding a pair of slippers in his hand; I guess he had just gotten back from class or practice or something.

I stared at him for a minute and then just sort of blurted out, "You should have kept in touch."

He frowned. "Please leave," he said.

Well _that _had been unexpected.

I blinked and frowned. "What?"

"Leave."

"No."

"_No_?"

"No."

Insert staring contest here. He was the first to look away.

"I am very busy, Alfred," he sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Why don't you-"

And that's when I said it. I swear to god, I must have been channeling one of Kiku's Asian soaps, or a thirteen year old girl, or _Lifetime_ or something, because the next thing I knew I'd told him, "I miss you."

I just stood there, a little shocked I'd actually said it. I mean, I couldn't look him in the eye because, you know, well, it was fucking _embarrassing_ admitting that, but I still said it: "I miss you."

And it was true.

But then he didn't say anything and like, five years passed by so I _had _to look up to make sure he was still breathing and, and he-

_God, _he was fucking _blushing_. Like, hardcore. And then he was _smiling_ and _giggling_ and _ugh _then he pulled me into a great big you're-gonna-need-a-body-cast-when-I'm-through-with-you hug and I couldn't _breathe _or _move._

And do you know what he said? Do you know what he fucking _said_? As he fucking twirled me around like a fucking rag doll?

I'll tell you what he said.

He said (And this is fucking word for word): "I knew that giving you the cold shoulder would work if I was patient! Oh, and my story! Did little Alfred enjoy my story? It tugged at your heart strings, da? I knew it would! You are such a silly, emotional creature!" And then he giggled some more, put me down, and proceeded to pet my head.

GOD HE IS SUCH A FREAK.

I take it back. I so _didn't _miss him.

**Alfred Fucking Awesome Jones **and **Ivan Braginski **are now friends.

Five people like this.

**Maria Santos **I take it things went well? :D

**Ivan Braginski **I had fun last night, дорогой. See you tonight ;)

**Arthur Kirkland **WHAT?

**Francis Bonnefoy **Mattieu and I were wondering when you'd finally come around, Alfred ;)

**Arthur Kirkland **Don't encourage him, Bonnefoy. Again I say: WHAT?

**Francis Bonnefoy **do try to be more supportive, rosbif.

**Matthew Williams **Stop fighting! And al- why didn't you tell me? :( I KNEW something was going on. I'm happy for ya :)

**Alfred fucking awesome Jones **ALL OF YOU JUST STFU. THERES NOTHING GOING ON. MIND YOUR OWN BISNESS GAWD.

**Feliks Łukasiewicz **yeah, that's totally not how you spell business, hun

**June 18th**

You know what? I don't even _want _to know how he knew where I work, but I'm not gonna lie- it was kind of funny, watching him come through the front door and sit down quietly at a booth. He, uh, watched me mop. And it didn't weird me out so much. So I have come to the conclusion that I'm probably crazy too if his creepiness doesn't bother me so much anymore, but whatever.

Anyways, after work we took the bus. He said he'd see me home, but I fell asleep and we missed my stop so I stayed at his place.

We watched… _Moulin Rouge. _Don't ask.

_Later_

If Matthew does NOT stop asking me what is going on between me and Ivan I am going to fucking _kill him._

_Later_

Because nothing is going on.

_Later_

Because I am not gay.

**June 26th**

Holy shit.

Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy _shit_.

_Later_

Did that just… Did we just…

Oh my god.

_Later_

So I'm sitting in my bathroom because I totally need a moment. I just… I just fucking…

_Later_

Sandmndjkefnjew OMFG OMFG I DON'T EVEN-

_Five minutes later_

I just fucking made-out with Ivan.

_One minute later_

Like… made-_out. _Like, I didn't even know tongues could _do _that.

_…Another minute later_

Ok so one minute we're hanging out like usual, just sitting there on my couch watching fucking Sponge Bob and eating pizza when he's all, "You've got sauce on your cheek."

So he wipes it off, no biggie. It's not like he kept his hand on my face longer than usual and it's not like we did that weird Eye Contact thing and it's not like I licked my lips and _kept _doing that weird Eye Contact thing and it's definitely not like I moved a little closer… But the next thing I know he's all, "Wait, let me make sure I got all the sauce off. With my tongue."

And then somehow I'm on top of him and his shirt is missing and we're like… making-out.

_No _idea what happened to his shirt. Still can't find it, actually.

Um.

_Later_

Oh my god. Does that mean I'm _gay?_

**The End  
**(for real this time.)

**Afterward**

It took Alfred an entire month to admit that he liked Ivan, but Ivan was ok with waiting because they still made out. A lot. And went on a lot of dates that Alfred swore up and down were "definitely not dates." And poor Arthur- he almost had a heart attack when he found out that they were dating and Alfred really _did _have a heart attack when he heard Arthur use the 'D' word in reference to his and Ivan's, "relationship that is totally _not _a relationship." Even if they did move in together when Alfred graduated.

Ivan became a full time instructor at the School of American Ballet and Alfred decided that his calling in life was journalism. Ivan also started speaking to his sister again; after much prompting from Alfred he finally worked up the nerve to call her. Their first telephone conversation lasted well over three hours. He and Nicoloz still disliked each other, but they decided to put their differences aside for Katyusha's sake. Neither Ivan nor Katyusha spoke to, or of, their uncle ever again. Katyusha asked the two of them to visit, and so they began to vacation in Russia whenever they could afford the holiday.

And one summer, Ivan finally got to show his sister the ocean.

As for everyone else, Matthew and Francis were happily "married" and moved to Quebec to study to become doctors, Kiku and Arthur decided to stay in New York and opened a little book store (because Alfred wouldn't forgive them if they moved out of the country), Ludwig and Feliciano moved to Chicago; Ludwig became a police officer and Feliciano opened up his own restaurant, Antonio and Romano decided to stay in Spain, Roderich still couldn't decide between Elizabeta or Gilbert, and Natalia…

Well, Natalia never did make it to New York. She was caught stabbing a man to death who made the mistake of hitting on her and spent the rest of her life in prison with no option for parole.

... :D

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for seeing this to the end; I honestly don't think I would have been able to do it without all of your kind words and support. Seriously, I've never been able to see a fanfic through, so I'm really excited and I'm really grateful to you all. I hope you guys enjoyed it; Dear Diary was very fun to write. And yes, what a stupid Afterward. But really, it's Hetalia. XD


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